Are you staying too long?


Yes, my web site and brand of speaking teaches others to not give up. However, you and I can at times choose the wrong person or project to invest our energy in.  Sometimes we ignore our intuition.  Sometimes red flags are waving that it is time to escape, get out and get out without guilt.   I believe there are times we should get out of a futile situation while we are ahead.

The word “futile” means… incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful:  unavailing, fruitless, frivolous, unimportant, dull, flat, fruitless, futile, lackluster, profitless, stale, uninspiring, unproductive, unrewarding, useless, in vain, at end of one’s rope, back to the wall, can’t win, dead duck, despairing, despondent, downcast, forlorn, goner, hard up, in the soup, in the toilet, inconsolable, irrecoverable, irremediable, irretrievable, no-chance, no-way, no-win, running out of time, sad, sunk, up against it, up the creek, useless.

Quitting when your situation is futile should not be confused with a “do not give up” message.  Quitting while you are ahead should not be confused with the habit of giving up too soon.  Wisdom will help you to know when it’s time to quit or stick with a person, project, pursuit, your plans or place of employment.  Sometimes people don’t have enough sense, enough courage or enough faith to quit some one or some thing.  So God will end it or “they” will end it for you.  Getting laid off a job or a person ending a relationship because you couldn’t do it, is the only way the futile efforts will stop.

Don’t confuse persistence with insistence.  There are some people and circumstances that you can not control.  Wisdom comes as you learn to let go of projects, people or perplexing situations and give them to God.  There are some relationships, pursuits, projects and places of employment that can cost you if you stay in it too long.  Yes, you should persist with your goals and self-improvement.  Yes, you should not be easily defeated or distracted.

The questions I pose to you now are… “Are you letting your pride, denial, low self-esteem, fear or lack of faith keep you in a fruitless, uninspiring and no-win situation?  Will you persist on worthy pursuits and people?  Do you have the courage to stop insisting and pushing as you keep running into walls or resistance?  Can you discern when to know that your efforts and persistence will yield reward in the future?  Can you discern when you have reached a limit, a dead end and your pride/ego won’t allow you to let go?  During your times of insistence and frustration … remember the Serenity Prayer.

There is a time to quit and there are times you need to hear “Don’t give up.”  Quit smoking, gossiping, wasting time and giving your body, money, power and peace of mind away to people and pursuits that only rob, destroy and drain you.  Quit a project, job or relationship that is abusive or not lined up with your values and vision.  Milk is good until it’s expiration date.  Sometimes people stay way too long after the expiration date and everything becomes sour.  Have you stayed too long or have you been distracted or unfocused causing you to give up too soon on worthy pursuits? Are your hopes, dreams, energy and time hanging on to something that is futile or can it bear fruit and reward in due season? ~ by Jewel Diamond Taylor

18 comments

  1. Put the needle on the record! It as great bto read your thoughts and it was great to hear from the women, but as a REAL man your comments and those of others really hit home. I believe I have also stayed beyond the expiration date but have done so because I did not want my 2 daughters to gro up without their father being there. Pride, shame, and despair have left me living as though all is ok. i have 1 in college and 1 on the way in a year and i finally see myself being able to MOVE ON. I have a lot of life to live and I know that ther is a great woman out there who also has alot left to give to this 48 year old lover of God. Pray with me for my harvest as I continue topray for you and all of your readers! Real men Hurt TOO!!!!!!!!

  2. Thank you so much for your article. It was truly an inspiration for me. After being in a relationship for 10 years, it turned into a futile relationship; I was devastated when it ended (BADLY). I ignored the red flags and the urgings from friends and family to let go. As I look back now, I see and recognize that I shold have let go long ago (I stayed past the expiration date)! Your article helped me to see that I couldn’t change the situation and it was time for it to end in order for me to flourish and be the best that God has called me to be. Thank you and God Bless you!

  3. Your comments are the life I am living now, I stayed past the expiration date and almost lost my whole being and purpose. Now that I am out of the situation I can see very clearly and without much guilt. I now know that you cannot make anyone be what you need them to be, children or otherwise.
    I realize now that I have a responsibility to honor and take care of myself.
    Thanks so much for the clarity and food for thought.

  4. I feel that I have stayed too long at job, stayed too long in my misery, stayed too long in my sadness and unhappiness and can’t seem to find a way out. I know prayer and trusting and believing in the Lord is my way out but I feel why should I pray, why should I go to church and I know these are words whispered to me by the enemy but I feel helpless and hopeless.

  5. Thank you so much for your message Jewel. What a word in due season for me. As a teacher for the past twenty-two years I have finally got to the end of my tether! Constant barriers put up in front of me by jealous women, and learners who have largely not appreciated my efforts, have all left me empty and devastated. Time for a change. I finished my training as an actress two years ago and performed really well. I can now act, sing and dance with all the training I’ve done. Should I follow my dreams and pursue this or am I just too old at 45? Help!

  6. Perfect timing again! Thank you! I really needed to hear that, to remind me that it’s ok to let things go – God’s got it covered when we can’t do any more =)

  7. This message is confirmation to me and has helped me put my fears of moving to a new environment/home. Wisdom tells me that I am ready for change but holding on to the familar and fear of moving on is what has kept me in bondage. Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom to share it with others. May God continue to bless you.

  8. This was speaking to me as I learn the hard way of letting go of a friendship. When I was told by this very person that no two people think alike, I should have paid attention to that persons meaning of friendship.

    Thanks,
    Jewel

  9. I have been thru the fire or more than one of these denials in my life and you are so right Jewel….. God willdo it for you, but as I get older I am learning how to decifer the limitations. Thank God he has been patient with me in my years because I ignored a whole lot of signs and he saved me each and every time!!!!!

  10. Jewel,

    I have never submitted a comment before, but after reading the Archive for November 17, 2009, I know I’ve been in a very futile relationship that I cannot seem to let go; a relationship that’s not going anywhere.

    God has sent this message to me, through you, and I want to thank you for the inspiration. I also seek your prayers that God would send me the husband that I’ve been praying and believing Him for.

    There is so much I would like to say but I know your time is limited. If you ever get the time to write me I would appreciate talking with you.

    I’m retiring at the end of December 2009, and I will be receiving your emails at my home email addess: patriciairon@att.net. Please add to your mailout.

    Thanks.

  11. The message came at a time when I received news that my boyfreind I am dating is suspected to have started making advancement to someone I am related to. I tried to confront him about it but he denies everything.
    He is much older, past 55yrs. can such an old man tell a lie.
    I have mixed feelings and do not know how to deal with it.

  12. I have a friend going through something right now and this immediately made me think of her so I forwarded it. I pray she reads and applies this to her situation.

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