No More Shyness

Are you feeling shy, socially awkward, nervous in social settings and lack meaningful connections with others?  Are you more comfortable sending a text then talking with someone on the phone.  You may be spending too much time alone on the computer or hiding in your cave called home.  You may be more comfortable with a computer and your iphone than actually having a conversation face-to-face with someone.  You can learn to overcome this social handicap.

Surround yourself with people who have the qualities you wish to have. Their positive influence can give you courage.  Be inspired by their examples of being extroverted, social and adventurous, but still honor and acknowledge yourself.

Self-improvement implies there is something wrong with you. There is someone around you who admires your qualities and strengths.  Love yourself just the way you are and strive for growth not improvement.

Start accepting invitations to go to lunch, the movies, a party or on a trip.  Grow outside your comfort zone one step at a time.

The next time you are at a party, whether it is a small get together, a wedding, a social event at school, etc, look around for someone who seems to be even more shy than you and go talk to that person. Approaching someone who seems more shy will help you feel more confident and less alone.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t be too self-absorbed. So often our ego makes us think everything revolves us.  The ego will make you too self-conscious, when in fact everyone else is really focusing on themselves, not you.  Perfectionism will keep you stuck and shy.  Don’t strive to look and speak perfect…strive for progress.  That is too much pressure, very unrealistic and unhealthy.

If you feel invisible, insignificant or incompetent…develop your strengths.  If you are lacking in some skills i.e. writing, reading, speaking, computer skills, math, stuttering, image issues, dancing, dating, etc., seek opportunities to take classes.  Competence = confidence.  Once you feel more competent in something, the more it will reduce your shyness.  Don’t suffer or procrastinate, take a class, ask for help, sharpen your axe.

Don’t take life too seriously.  Don’t over analyze every conversation, new experience, rejection or a disappointment.  This was a big lesson for me.  I learned to develop a sense of humor and lighten up.  People and life are funny, crazy, different, unpredictable, amazing, wonderful, painful, beautiful, loving and scary.  Learn to enjoy and appreciate the diversity of life.

It’s also essential to let go of bad experiences. When you dwell on a bad experience, it grows into something much more frightening than reality. Don’t do this to yourself! The more you think about a bad experience, the more power you give it. Think about something constructive. The more you can fill your mind with positive memories of speaking up the easier it gets.

Give yourself a reward when you overcome a habit of shyness and practice confidence and courage.  Honor and celebrate your self-esteem and self-worth.  Each step of courage will introduce you to a new world of love, possibilities, awareness, joy and inner strength.

Saving yourself a little embarrassment doesn’t amount to much in the long run. By overcoming shyness, you give yourself the chance to be recognized and promoted. You create opportunities and open yourself up to forming meaningful relationships.

If you suffer from severe shyness, the root cause could be from a painful hurt from family, friends, job, childhood or rejection issues.  The pain and trauma can paralyze you because your mind believes the ugly words and lies from others spoken into your life.  Issues of abandonment, rejection, criticism and low self-esteem are possible triggers for shyness.

I welcome the opportunity to support you if you wish to have another level of support.  I am a life coach/counselor who can teach you wonderful ways to break the limiting habit of shyness.  Call me 323.964.1736 or email

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One response to “No More Shyness”

  1. This is oh so true. thank you for the tips!.. I know I have dealt with shyness in the past. I am past it most of the time BUT still have my moments. I am trying to shed procrastination habits so my confidence gets back to where it used to be. Thanks Jewel.

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