Relationship Tips

RelationSHIP steps

1. No two people are the same. Disagreements happen on a mental level.  Disapproval of your mate’s appearance, choices, work, faith and values happens on an emotional level.  Disagreements are to be expected, but constant disapproval of your mate does more damage to your relationship. Harsh words can hurt more than physical pain.  Taste your own words before you spit them out.  Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak.  And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.  Disagreements will happen in any relationship, just remember disapproval with your nasty words, attitude, physical harm, silence or rejection can create deep wounds that never heal.

2. There are so many claims for your attention and time (e.g. TVs in each room, technology, work, church, school and meetings).  Families that pray, talk, share and connect together on a regular basis, especially around the dinner table, have a better success rate for happiness and longevity.

3. Wouldn’t you rather come home to a castle…rather than a hassle?  Do you want peace or to be right.  Choose your battles wisely.

4.  When relationships are new, generally speaking…men tend to rush into physical intimacy.  Women tend to rush into emotional intimacy.  Men think connection is sex.  Women think connection happens from talking.

5.  If you both agree on three books, you can reduce problems.  They are the check book (financial harmony, goals, habits), cook book (sharing meals, talking, preparing meals for each other) and the Good Book (praying together and for each other, spiritual growth, study, maturing in God’s word together).

6.  Women experience hurt more than anger.  It’s healthy for women to learn how to express and own their feelings to avoid depression.  Men are taught to master work, wealth, war, and women.  Men are socially taught to exercise power and to refuse to surrender.  Men are socialized to be silent and would probably have a heart attack before talking about a broken heart.  The average man is socialized to deny, defending against and control his emotions.

7.  Every relationship has a decision-making style.  Poor communication in a relationship is a major cause for breakdowns and divorce.

  1. Supportive – let’s talk, we’ll decide
  2. Coaching – let’s talk, I’ll decide
  3. Delegating – you decide
  4. Controlling – I’ll decide

Relationship status 1~ by Jewel Diamond Taylor, www.DoNotGiveUp.net

Share what you see or receive

I created a new site to celebrate what is going right in this world.  In an effort to focus on the goodness and kindness of people I see all around me, I created a new blog…”A.O.K.” Acts of Kindness.

If you have given, received or seen random acts of kindness, please share your comments, story or pictures at this site.  http://aokindness.wordpress.com/

Whatever we focus on increases.  Acts of kindness can be contagious.

compassion

Natural High Prevents Depression

My hunch is that society calls street recreational drugs “dope”, short for dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, a messenger, that sends signals to your brain about reward and pleasure.  Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them. You and I experience dopamine when we are engaged in activities that are rewarding and makes us feel a “natural high.” (e.g. dancing, jogging, making love, laughter, aerobic activity, yoga, creativity, helping others, living in your purpose, learning something new, travel, music, pets, first dates, food, taking a courageous step,  etc.)  People with low dopamine activity may be more prone to depression and addiction.   A “street drug” sends messages to the brain of temporary emotional reward.    Peer pressure, job pressure, broken relationships, boredom, lack of faith and low self-esteem can cause us look to outside sources and stimulation to give us the high, the courage, validation and the inspiration we want.  The habits of drinking alcohol and coffee, ingesting and smoking drugs, and eating sweets and high fat foods gives us a false and short lived high.  Alcohol provides a false courage and a short-lived high followed by the opposite emotions when you’re hung over.  Recreational drugs (dope) gives an artificial high followed by the extreme opposite when you’re coming down.  Coffee gives you a short rush of energy followed by just the opposite feeling. Sweets give you a jolt of pleasure followed by just the opposite as your body crashes from all the sugar. None of these substances provides a high that you can rely on. And the damage they can cause to your body, psyche, and productivity greatly outweighs the short high not to mention the amount of wasted time in recovery (hangover) afterwards.

For a healthier lifestyle we need natural highs to send messages of pleasure, motivation and emotional reward to our brain.  What gives you a natural high?  When was the last time you experienced a natural high…feeling in your zone of positive flow?  What positive activity have you stopped doing? How is your brain receiving positive messages of emotional reward and pleasure?  If you find yourself slipping into depression or poor addictive choices, your brain needs some dope (dopamine).  When you experience more natural highs it’s easier to say “no” to the artificial and life destructing highs. Various activities trigger the release of endorphins — hormones in your brain that produce the deep calmness or euphoria known as a natural high. Endorphins counteract your stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, and create a strong sense of well-being.

get your life back    Natural highs are self-created from within. They are lasting, pure, and they give you greater mental ability, emotional strength, and energy. Alcohol, drugs, sugar, and coffee gradually take these things away.

Let go and Let God

Hold on and don’t give up
Don’t you worry
You don’t have to cry
Cause He… He see’s what you’re going through
Yes Yes He does
God is willing and He is able
This did not catch him by surprise
So just trust Him
And just oh step aside

[verse 2]
Be still and don’t question it
These obstacles… they were allowed
He wants to take you higher and higher
If you will hold on.
God is willing and more than able.
This did not catch him by surprise
So just trust Him and just step aside.

[vamp]
Oh I know He’s faithful
My God is faithful to do what He said He’ll do
Now if He said just believe it
There’s nothing He can’t do
You must stand on His word (stand on His word)
Cast all your cares on Him (give them to Him)
Cause He knows and He loves you
He did it for me that why I can say

[vamp 2]
Step, step aside
God can work a miracle for you
Step aside
You got to let go
And let God
And let go and let God be God
Move yourself out of the way
Move your pride out of the way
He’ll never leave you
Nor forsake you
This what I know it ain’t just what I heard
So Thank You Lord for being awesome to me
You’re marvelous
Praise him Praise Him
Oh step aside
Let go let go let go
He knows what you go through
He knows what you can bear
He can do what you can’t do
So step so step so step aside
Thank you Lord
And you’re in control
So I step aside

21 Success Habits

As a writer and public speaker with a curious mind, I’m always searching for new words to express my ideas about success, excellence, performance, customer service, motivation and the pursuit of purpose and happiness.  “über” is a word I see often.

In German, über is used as a prefix as well as a word in its own right. Both uses indicate a state or action involving increased elevation or quantity in the physical sense, or superiority, elevation, pedominant elite or excess in the abstract.

The crossover of the term “über” from German into English goes back to the work of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. In 1883, Nietzsche coined the term “Übermensch” to describe the higher state to which he felt men might aspire. The term was brought into English by George Bernard Shaw in the title to his 1903 play “Man and Superman”.  Below I offer 21 proven ways to be a “superman” or “superwoman” to surpass those who have an average existence.  Elevating your thinking and habits will help you to “uber-size” your income, achievements, faith and well-being.

Uber 1“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.”  ~Aristotle

A habit is a choice that we deliberately make at some point, and then stop thinking about, but continue thinking, feeling or doing unconsciously (auto pilot).  A habit is a formula (i.e. loop of actions, thoughts and feelings) our brain automatically follows.  Your mind likes to conserve energy, so habits become short cuts.  Your mind is on auto-pilot and doesn’t have to think.  Habits can be ignored, changed, or replaced. Habits are powerful.  Sadness and depression can become a habit.  Procrastination, anger and doubt can become habits.  Perseverance and optimism can become habits.  Gratitude, compassion and great customer service can become habits.  Dishonesty or integrity are habits.  Praying or complaining are habits.   Drinking water or alcohol are habits.   Your brain can’t tell the difference between bad and good habits. This explains why it’s so hard to create exercise habits.   To surpoass your past results, what habits do you need to change, replace and create?

21 Habits to Uber-size your efforts to aspire higher to achieve more momentum, progress and success.

1.    Get sufficient rest.  Lack of sleep causes more mistakes, irritability and poor health.
2.    Think and ink your priority tasks and goals.  Keep them in sight. Review them often.
3.    Create accountability relationships to keep you on track.
4.    Feed your brain.  Create the healthy habits of drinking water (less soda).  Eat healthy foods (less fatty, fast, fried and frozen foods).
5.    Start your day with gratitude/prayer/meditation.
6.    Don’t compromise your core values.
7.    Engage in “brain fitness” exercises to strengthen your focus, concentration and
problem solving skills.  Eliminate drugs and alcohol which creates a fuzzy brain.
8.    Arrest the thief called procrastination which  steals your time, opportunities, health, peace of mind.
9.    Grow out of your comfort zone.  Listen to the CD “Get Your But Out of the Way.”
10.  Exercise with calorie burning body movement at least 4 times a week.
11.   Eliminate blind spots by remaining open to feedback.  Read and listen to life enrichment books and CDs.  Build up your personal success library.
12.   Keep your personal and working environment clutter-free.
13.   Strengthen your confidence and self-worth to defend yourself against the critics,
haters and challenging relationships.
14.   Visualize your outcome.  See in your mind yourself experiencing success.
15.   Read, study, and observe your positive role models.   Spend more time with people who add inspiration to your life.
16.   Be resilient when challenges and hardships occur.  Read Shift Happens
17.   Attract the kind of people you want to meet.  Attract the connections, opportunities
and resources you need by dressing, walking and talking the part.
18.   Work on reducing debt.  Develop your financial intelligence.
19.   Create harmony and peace in your marriage, relationships and with business
associates.  Read the Five languages of Love by Gary Chapman also How to Win
Friends and Influence People
 by Dale Carnegie and “Love Smart with Your Heart“.

20.   Feed your faith and starve your fears.  Read your Bible and other spiritual resources to win the battles of defeat, disappointment, despair, doubt, dysfunction and despair.
21.   Pursue your purpose.  Find your true north.  You were born for greatness.


Send me this full CD Message “Get Your But Out of the Way” $9.99 click here

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Prepare for Job Interview Questions

  • In my former life before becoming a motivational speaker, I worked in Human Resources in the aerospace industry in southern California.  Below are common questions and suggested responses to help you prepare for a job interview.

  • Tell me about yourself (a classic opening question.) 
    This is a classic opening question and may just be asked as an ‘easy’ opener to get you relaxed.  They are not looking for a long life history. The way you answer will tell them something about how you take a big subject and condense it down into something concise and relevant.  They may want to get a bigger picture of you as a person to determine your values, preferences and general lifestyle.  They may just want to hear about your work life and how you have progressed through your career.  They may be testing honesty, checking what you say against what you have put in your résumé/CV.  Generally keep your answer focused on things that are relevant to the target job. Show how your past has led you to this point and made you the ideal candidate. Tell them a coherent story with a conclusion that leads to now.  You can ask whether they just want work-related items or want something of your broader life. You can also ask how far back they want you to go. Whatever they say, always keep in mind what they are really seeking.  You can use this to show how you are a well-rounded personality with good values. Beware of being so focused on job attributes that you show yourself up as a narrow-minded kook.  If you give something of your childhood, show how it was formative and build ideal skills and values for this job.  Always be consistent with your résumé/CV, of course.
  • Tell me about your last job:  Seeking perspective and detail.   A summary of the past job is in your résumé/CV — they are not looking for a repeat of this.  They may just be looking for more detail about the work that you have done.  They may also look at the areas where you focus — and not focus. If they are seeking teamwork and you talk about the things you achieved alone, then you will be marked down.  They will notice how positive or negative you are about the company and the people who work there. They will notice how you talk about yourself and other people. And they may draw significant conclusions about who you are as a person and how you might fit into the target job (or not).  How to answer… This is an opportunity to highlight the successes you have achieved.  You can talk a bit about the company and its goals, but do this only to frame what you have been doing and achieving.  Take the requirements of the target job and show how, in the previous job, you demonstrated many of the skills and knowledge that are being sought now.  I found that it was very important to work with people not only in the team but across other departments.  Tell them about what you did that added value to the job. Explain briefly the needs of the role, in terms of what is required. Then show, with examples, how you fulfilled this.  The job was basically to manage the whole acquisition process for facilities areas. The first thing I did to make this happen was agree the process we would use across each key area.  Do not go on at length. Keep your answer reasonably short and balanced.  You can make your answer seem more balanced and honest by talking about some down-sides. Talk about something that did not work, but make this a relatively minor thing by which they will not mark you down.
  • Tell me about your career so far Seeking patterns and themes.  They may be looking for progression and structure — do you have a planned career? Are you on track? This tells them something about your need for structure and also you ability and drive to achieve the things you set out to achieve.  Across a career you can see themes and patterns of change and evolution. They may look for what is driving you to leave one job or to move to others. Do you get bored? Do you start to fail and then jump ship? Are you fast-tracking your career? How to answer… Career questions ask you about general or specific elements of your career. General questions are such as ‘Tell me about your career’ — and then give you space to ramble on. Specific questions may probe into a particular area. This may be derived from the  conversation and it may have come from looking at your resumé/CV.  First, when asked about your career, do not launch into your life story. Think first about what will be your overall story, such as ‘progression up the company ladder’ or ‘problem-solving that evolves from technology to organization problems’, then tell a concise story about how you got to where you are now.  They may be interested in only the last few years or may want longer — if in doubt, ask ‘Where would you like me to start?’  Do not be afraid to tell about difficulties, but do tell about how you learned and grew as a result. Many powerful stories are about overcoming problems; let your indomitable and positive character shine through.
  • What interests you most about this job?  Why have you applied for this position?  The things that attracted you to the job will tell them something about how you are motivated. If they know what drives you, they can then decide whether these motivations are what they are seeking.  How to answer... First of all, be interested. Nothing turns an interviewer off faster than a casual interviewee who does not seem to really want the job.  Do not state interests in terms of financial reward. Saying you are there just for the money will also turn off the interviewers. Align the interests that you talk about to the key attributes that they are likely to be seeking (check the job description). Things to talk about include:
  • Contributing / making a difference: I love education and want to make a difference to as many people as I can — and working in change at a national level would give me that opportunity.
  • Self-development / learning: I have worked in smaller projects before — this work would give me experience in larger, more complex environments.
  • Achieving goals: I always wanted to manage people and have recently gained a Certificate in Management. This position would give me the opportunity to put that learning into practice.
  • What are your strengths?  With this question the interviewer is seeking to discover both your actual strengths and also what you believe to be your strengths.
  • When they talk about strengths, they may be seeking any combination of knowledge, skills and personal attributes.  They may also be checking what they think are your strengths with what you think. If you tell of strengths without giving evidence, then if they think they are not strengths. On the other hand, this is an opportunity to change minds.  How to answer… This is not a time to be shy, you should generally avoid excessive bragging. A neat way of answering this without appearing arrogant is to tell them in terms of what other people have told you.I have been told several times that I am very good at influencing senior managers to get resources we need for projects.

    At my last personal review, my manager told me that my written work is amongst the best in the company.

    Where you can, link the strength to actual things you have done and the value that you have created. You can thus link strengths to successes.

    I have been consistently successful at delivering projects on time. I believe that a key element of this is my attention to detail.

    You can also focus on the prioritizing element of the question, talking about ‘greatest’. In doing, so, of course, you can also talk about other strengths you have.

    I have consistently out-sold the national sales benchmark and led my team to the President’s award five times, but I think that my greatest strength is that I care about my customers. This is something that I believe you cannot fake and which is at the root of consistent success.

    Some of the strengths that you might show include determination, pride in a job well done, teamwork, leadership, expert knowledge, working to deadlines, etc.

  • What are your weaknesses? Where are the areas where you will find difficulty? Where do you find you are most challenged?  Tell me two thing about yourself that you’d like to change.  They will also be interested in your knowledge of your weaknesses. Many people either lack self-confidence and over-estimate weaknesses or are over-confident.  A self-aware person knows their weakesses.  An arrogant person may well believe they have none. This can also be a test of self-knowledge and honesty.  How to answer... Do not say you have none. Be prepared with a good answer for this.  You do not want to admit to serious incompetence in the key skills required for the job, you do want to show that you are aware of your weaknesses and can own up to them.Sometimes I get forgetful about names. You know, when you meet someone and forget their name immediately.

    A neat trick is to follow up the admission of weakness with a description of how you neutralize it, thus showing strength in managing weaknesses.

     I have managed to largely overcome this now. I did a really good business memory training course and now I can retain most names. I also use contact software to keep details of people, and review this regularly.

    Another trick with this is to admit to a weakness in a way that they conclude that it is actually a strength.

    I do get rather impatient at times. I cannot abide unnecessary delay and waste. I don’t mind mistakes, as long as they are not repeated.