1. No two people are the same. Disagreements happen on a mental level. Disapproval of your mate’s appearance, choices, work, faith and values happens on an emotional level. Disagreements are to be expected, but constant disapproval of your mate does more damage to your relationship. Harsh words can hurt more than physical pain. Taste your own words before you spit them out. Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak. And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU. Disagreements will happen in any relationship, just remember disapproval with your nasty words, attitude, physical harm, silence or rejection can create deep wounds that never heal.
2. There are so many claims for your attention and time (e.g. TVs in each room, technology, work, church, school and meetings). Families that pray, talk, share and connect together on a regular basis, especially around the dinner table, have a better success rate for happiness and longevity.
3. Wouldn’t you rather come home to a castle…rather than a hassle? Do you want peace or to be right. Choose your battles wisely.
4. When relationships are new, generally speaking…men tend to rush into physical intimacy. Women tend to rush into emotional intimacy. Men think connection is sex. Women think connection happens from talking.
5. If you both agree on three books, you can reduce problems. They are the check book (financial harmony, goals, habits), cook book (sharing meals, talking, preparing meals for each other) and the Good Book (praying together and for each other, spiritual growth, study, maturing in God’s word together).
6. Women experience hurt more than anger. It’s healthy for women to learn how to express and own their feelings to avoid depression. Men are taught to master work, wealth, war, and women. Men are socially taught to exercise power and to refuse to surrender. Men are socialized to be silent and would probably have a heart attack before talking about a broken heart. The average man is socialized to deny, defending against and control his emotions.
7. Every relationship has a decision-making style. Poor communication in a relationship is a major cause for breakdowns and divorce.
- Supportive – let’s talk, we’ll decide
- Coaching – let’s talk, I’ll decide
- Delegating – you decide
- Controlling – I’ll decide