In the earlier days of my marriage I focused more on my husband’s flaws. My parents divorced when I was seven(7) years old. My mother’s second marriage was troubled also so I never had a real model of how a husband should take care of his wife. My Mother, Grandmother and significant mentors that could teach me how to grow as a wise wife and mother passed away early in my marriage. As a younger wife I didn’t realize the inner qualities were so much more important than the looks, sweet talk, hot sex, gifts, etc. My husband John has proven to me how a real husband should treat his wife. Once I stopped focusing on the flaws, I began to see how favored I am to have a husband who is stable, honest, unselfish, dependable and always has my back. I’m thankful to God for showing me how I needed to change me instead of trying to change him. He is not perfect and neither am I. We both made our share of mistakes. But I’m so grateful I really “see” his character. He never complains. He loves our sons. He doesn’t easily stress or worry. I’ve seen the good, bad and the ugly in men. I’ve seen the unfaithful, the lazy, the selfish, the prayer and the player, the deceiver, the hard worker, the provider, the priest, the protector, the immature and the mature all around me. I thank God that my heart and eyes see his character and the treasure I have in my husband. He doesn’t like too much attention or accolades. But I feel so compelled after seeing him tirelessly press, provide, care, sacrifice, serve and believe in me and my sons day after day, year after year (43), without complaining or hesitation. In spite of my mistakes and lack of understanding, wisdom and wife-mentoring, I can truly say, “God has smiled on me and our marriage to see better days.
I now choose peace instead seeking a perfect marriage. It took too long for me to figure out his love language and let go of my unrealistic fantasies informed by movies, TV, magazines and the music from the Whispers, Jeffrey Osborne, Will Downing, etc. God’s grace, provision, guidance and redemptive love is reflecting in our REALationship. It’s a REALationship where we are both secure without games, mistrust, foolishness or selfishness. In sickness and health, for richer or poorer…John has shown me how a REAL man treats his wife and family. Because I learned to pursue my purpose and have such wonderful sisterfriends in my life, it takes the pressure off him having to make me feel complete. That’s my job.”
Ladies I counsel and coach so many women who pass over the “good ones” because they are seeking the ones with the swag, good looks, shiny cars, big wallets, position, titles, power and sweet talk. Take it from me…don’t miss your good thing by only looking at the external and overlooking his character. So many women will settle for the one who will show them a good time in bed, in Vegas, at the club, or concert but he is not there for them when the holidays or hard times happen. This kind of man reminds me of Cherelle’s popular song…he just wants to be your “Saturday Love , never on Sunday, Monday’s too soon, Tuesday and Wednesday just won’t do, Thursday and Friday, we can begin.”
If you can’t find him…if he doesn’t answer the phone…if he is abusive emotionally or physically…if he doesn’t come home…if he is selfish…if he doesn’t respect you and your children…STOP in the name of love. I see far too many women lacking in their self-esteem, relationship IQ, patience, faith and wisdom.
Now I play the role of elder and mentor to women because I believe in being transparent, available, honest and dedicated to empower other women to avoid some of the choices I made and learn how to love smart with their heart. ~ The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author of “Follow Your Heart But Take Your Brain With You”www.DoNotGiveUp.net