“As a Life Coach/Counselor for countless women across the nation, I hear a reoccurring emotional issue that blocks their peace, joy, health and authentic living. The issue is enabling others, being manipulated and being taken advantage of in their relationships, jobs, church, organization, family members, etc. We do not lose ourselves all at once. It happens gradually as we give our power and peace away in exchange for love, acceptance, position or connection.
I pull women back to the light of their own sanity, soul, spiritual power and self-worth. In my coaching/counseling sessions (in person, by phone or Skype) together we gather clues and broken pieces of their lives to gain a new perspective, direction, self-awareness and self-motivation.
When too many people are plugged into your energy sucking out your finances, peace of mind and self-esteem…it’s time to unplug. Too often we feel a sense of guilt (“I would be a bad person ( e.g. a bad Christian, bad wife, bad mother,bad sister, bad daughter) if I don’t ‘help or give.”…or “They will be in danger if I don’t help.” …”I’ve invested so much already in this relationship and I don’t know how to stop the manipulation.” …”They need me because I have always been the; e.g. giver, the fixer, the savior, the rescuer, the breadwinner, the strong one in this family.” … “I feel guilty about my past mistakes and so I feel responsible and remorseful.”
Helping is generally defined as doing something for someone else that they are not capable or are unable to do for themselves.
Enabling is commonly defined as doing something for someone else that they could and should be doing for themselves.
You know you are codependent, enabling or allowing too many people to plug into your energy if…
Repeatedly bailing them out – of jail, financial problems, other “tight spots” they get themselves into
Giving them “one more chance” – …then another…and another
Ignoring the problem – because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away
Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it – Drinking, gambling, etc.,
Joining them in blaming others – for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes
Accepting their justifications, excuses and rationalizations – “I’m destroying myself with alcohol because I’m depressed”.
Avoiding problems – keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help
Doing for them what they should be able to do for themselves –
Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior
Trying to “fix” them or their problem
Repeatedly coming to the “Rescue”
Trying to control them or their problem
I’ve been there and I’ve done that. Thank God I’m not what I used to be.
If you find you have too many people plugged into you and draining you…give me a call to reserve your one-on-one time with the Self-esteem Dr. 323.964.1736. You want to take advantage of my holiday special today!~ Jewel Diamond Taylor,www.DoNotGiveUp.net