QUESTION FOR THE SELF-ESTEEM DR. FROM SHELLEY: “Dr. Jewel I’m in my 50’s now and I feel like a failure. I feel like many opportunities for love, money, career advancement and my weight image have passed me by. I feel stuck, lonely and embarrassed when I see what other people around me have accomplished. I was recently laid off my job and too ashamed to tell my family and friends about my fears and financial struggles. I even missed going to our family reunion to avoid the questions and judgment. Just to get out of the bed each day is a struggle. Thank you so much for your web site and the weekly newsletters you send out. I have been saving them for years but now I need to know how to start applying what you write about. I’m sorry I missed your recent speaking engagement in Atlanta but this heavy depression has me on lock down. Did you record your message?”
JEWEL DIAMOND TAYLOR’S RESPONSE: Thank you Shelley for writing me. No, my recent Atlanta message was not recorded. Based on the feedback from my audience, I believe you would have been inspired and blessed to pull yourself out of this pit. We all make mistakes, fail, procrastinate, make the wrong turn, miss golden opportunities and make wrong decisions at some point. We all go through a painful time of reassessing our lives and realizing we were either misinformed, uninspired, in denial, busy helping others, lazy, disconnected from the right people, scattered our time, love and money on the wrong things or wrong people, hoping someone would come along and save us or do what needed to be done for us.
If you internalize, obsess and judge yourself based on a failed marriage, being single, your bank account, your education, your dress size, your past of missed opportunities or social/economic status, you will never grow out of your negative self-evaluating patterns, self-loathing and down spiraling emotions.
You will only grow out of this from desperation or inspiration. Unfortunately, most people are not motivated by pleasure but their painful circumstances. Your message sounds like your pain is motivating you to seek help. It’s time to take yourself off the hook. You gain nothing by being angry with yourself, resentful, depressed, critical or defeated. The opposite of beating yourself up is practicing self-care, compassion and self-motivation. I promise you…you are not alone. Shame is a powerful stronghold, but this chain can be broken. You have new choices and new steps you can take. I pray you TAKE YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK.
Read inspirational/motivational books like mine and other authors. Declare that you will encourage yourself. Your worth is not just measured by what you own or accomplished or your marital status. You are worthy in God’s sight. You can still leave your mark. You can still touch lives and find inner peace. You can still move forward, not on a broken road, but a blessed road of faith, action, courage, purpose, humility and love. If you can’t get excited and motivated about your own goal…enlist to help, assist, volunteer and share your experiences, time and talents as a dream pusher for a person/organization you believe in. Open your windows, listen to some upbeat music, make your gratitude list, nurture new relationships, make an appointment with me for some awesome, life changing, effective and healing coaching/counseling. I know how it feels to grieve in your heart for people and opportunities lost. Shake out your garment of despair that’s been hanging on that hook. Put on a garment of praise. The book of Isaiah says to those who grieve in Zion that God will give you a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Thank God for His grace and mercy which as brought you this far. You are still here.
As Morgan Freeman’s character says in the movie Shawshank Redemption,“Get busy living or get busy dying…..there ain’t nothing in between.”