In my experience as a woman, wife, daughter, mother, sister, friend, life coach and counselor for thousands of women, I have discovered the following 5 common profiles. I continue to grow to identify my own blind spots, personality tendencies, strengths and self-worth.
These are just some of the most common personalities I see either in myself or others. I hope this helps you to better understand the relationships around you and to better understand yourself.
1. PEACEMAKER PATRICIA you are flexible, adapt easily, good listener, you enjoy soothing others and making connections. Blind spot: Trying to make others happy can cause you to overlook what you really want and need. Loyal to a fault while neglecting your own needs and opinions eventually creates resentment.
Remedy: Start spending time alone periodically to hear your voice. Take off your superman(woman) cape and allow situations to work themselves out. Let go and let God.
2. STRIVING SHARON: Sharon is intense about pursuing accomplishment,. You have something to prove, you have a to-do-list, and a strong “all or nothing” focus. You have a high and sometimes hard expectation of yourself and others. This profile mask is “Excellence/perfect performance”.
Blind spot: Developing relationships is not your strong suit and the relationships that you do have… suffer. Relaxation doesn’t come easy. Your personal achievements can give you a view of life that doesn’t allow for diversity and different points of view.
Remedy: Be willing to grow out of your zone of routine and predictability and create more balance and spontaneity. Your books sometimes cannot teach what being around people who don’t share your experiences, status or pedigree can teach about life.
3. NURTURING NANCY: Nancy is very present, caring, empathetic and available as the “911” person in your tribe…ready to rescue others.
Blind spot: You don’t realize you are being burned out, sick, resentful and that people are sometimes taking your kindness and availability for granted.
Remedy: Begin to prioritize. Create more balance. Say “no” to unrealistic and unnecessary requests of your time, energy, talent, money and gifts. Develop ways to recharge your battery and nurture your soul, body, dreams and purpose without guilt.
4. I DON’T CARE CARRIE: This profile is someone who has been so independent, burned out and disappointed in the past that you have become apathetic, numb, isolated and frozen by choice to survive. Blind spot: You are missing out on real connections that are not fake, users and abusers. You don’t see how people see you as someone who is cold, cruel, distant and without feelings. Their assessment is not true, but your body language, distance and attitude has become frozen without feeling. Remedy: Begin to thaw out! Begin to trust happiness again. Begin to see that there are people around you who care and can bring some healing, joy, connection and positive experiences.
5. I NEED ATTENTION ANNIE: This profile is someone desperate, wounded and needy for any kind of attention (good or bad). Mask “I am a victim” “Nobody loves me.” “I can’t help it.”
Blind spot: They think they are the only one experiencing pain. They don’t hear the voices of help. They feel stuck in the past. They do not see people pulling away from them. They don’t see how their “poor me” attitude, anger or whining repels the possibility of real loving relationships.
Remedy: Be willing to hear from people who care about you even if it feels uncomfortable. Realize, through professional or authentic counseling, that your insecurity is based on fear and unresolved issues. Work on learning how to enjoy your own solitude without needing the type of relationships that only reinforce your sense of low self-worth. Learn to tend to your own needs in a healthy way without blaming and making others feel responsible for your happiness.
You may not see yourself in any of these profiles. Of course there are many more. Maybe this information will help you to see and understand some of the relationships in your life that are point of pain, confusion, stress or in need of help. To schedule a one-on-one life coaching session with the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, call 323.964.1736 or email – Jewel@DoNotGiveUp.net