10 Pearls of Wisdom About Resentment

Thinking of my family ancestor Rasul, my mother’s brother. I feel his spirit with me today guiding me. Rasul was an amazing thought leader in New York and one of my first mentors. He gave me a small booklet over 20 years ago by Alice Steadman…“Who’s the Matter With Me.” So often when we are troubled, we ask ourselves…or other people ask us…”WHAT is the matter with you.?” You can be terribly sick and off balance from your past or present relationships with people who are; toxic, manipulative, immature, selfish, messy, greedy, abusive, controlling, overly critical, insecure, secretive, ungrateful, deceitful, and narcissistic. Your silence, long suffering, shame, rejection, resentment, abuse, mixed feelings, guilt, lack of boundaries, and trauma can literally make you sick. WHO is the matter with you my friend?

  1. The emotion of resentment can become familiar, addictive, and justified while it paralyzes you. Heal and free yourself and others. Your pain can become your purpose /profession/ministry. The more you share your pain, testimony, faith, and story… it lessens the pain. If you have resentment about the burden of caregiving for a loved one, an unhappy childhood, a messy divorce, loss of a job, or sibling rivalry…write about it, journal, make a movie, write a play, start a discussion group, teach about, dance it out, discover some positive therapeutic and creative ways to express and release your pain.
  2. Re-visiting old pain and disappointments can lock you into thinking you are not worthy. My coaching/counseling approach supports others to discover their voice and discover their worth in the rumble of shame, hurt, betrayal, and grudges.
  3. Become aware when you are ruminating (constantly chewing on the same issue), re-visiting the scene of the crime, and wondering “why” it happened. Notice what triggers you to take that trip down memory lane. Become aware of your habits to soothe your pain or stirs up agitation instead of seeking peace, solutions, and healing.
  4. In most cases, the person who hurt you has no idea about the depth of your pain and shame. They may never be aware or accountable for their part in your injury. Sometimes when you confront the one who hurt you, they will try to turn it around and act like they are the victim. You may never hear “I’m sorry.” Your intention and focus can be to move forward knowing that your pain may never be confirmed by the abuser. It’s a mystery. Yes, it’s unfair…but it happens.
  5. Acknowledge that you cannot control those who have rejected you. Remember Maya Angelou’s famous quote, “When somebody shows you who they are…believe it.” Sometimes you may be the closest target for someone acting out their pain, dysfunction, insecurities, anger issues, and lack of maturity.
  6. Begin to create and desire a new normal. It happened, now you can vow to start a new chapter in your book of life. That chapter is a part of your story…however, you can write a new chapter.
  7. Become aware of 7 emotional traps that can trigger your resentment; 1) financial stress, 2) watching other’s who you perceive to have a better life, 3) a major change in your life, 4) loneliness/isolation, 5) exhaustion, 6) burnout in your faith and trust in God, and 7) a new injury of rejection, loss, disappointment or betrayal. These are 7 dangerous triggers…call me for your one-on-one session 323.964./1736.
  8. The more you tell your story…the less the power that painful experience has over you. Holding in resentment, secrets, anger, and shame are corrosive to your physical/mental health and soul.
  9. Some pain is self-inflicted. Some pain happened because; I ignored the red flags, I had unspoken expectations, I found it difficult to let go, my heart wasn’t guarded, my eyes weren’t open or I expected someone to treat me the way I treat others. Acknowledge your part in allowing, suppressing, not speaking up, excusing, or diminishing the abuse to occur, forgive yourself for that, and make a decision to not let it occur again.

10. Pray for the mindset and courage to begin the PROCESS of forgiving when you can which is actually a gift for yourself. Think about using the term “letting go” instead of forgiveness. Untie yourself from the pain and your expectations. Letting go doesn’t mean the person who hurt you is free from the consequences. You are free. Letting go is a decision to free yourself from the painful past. It is a choice. Finding relief from your own pain is a process. Resentment hurts you far more than the person toward whom you bear a grudge. Forgiveness does not come naturally. In fact, it is supernatural. It is God’s way—His idea.

One day you will wake up and find yourself thinking differently about the one who hurt you. You may never like or trust this person, but the intensity of your hurt will diminish. One day you will find yourself praying for your offender. Soon you will realize you are free. Forgiveness is the road to freedom. But it makes little sense unless seen in the context of Christ’s forgiveness toward you. Refuse to be a victim. Cancel the debt. Move on with your life. Allow God to be the justice maker.

As a life coach/counselor/talk therapist, aka The Self-esteem Dr., I provide therapeutic insights and self-soothing techniques, and you’ll discover powerful skills to positively transform your perspective and unearth lessons from your experiences so that you may begin to heal and exhale. You’ll be able to move forward reclaiming your wounded self and feel liberated and lighter with self-awareness, acceptance, hope, health, peace, and faith in our Most High God.”

emotional wellness educator

Written by The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author, keynote speaker, life coach, and founder of Women on the Grow.

email – Jewelmotivates@gmail.com

call – 323.964.1736

12 Steps to Guard Your Heart (Proverbs 4:23)

  1. michelle obama quotePray for discernment to know when someone is fake and abusing you. A person’s words and actions should line up.  The adversary/trickster can use many fiery arrows, disguises, words, and emotional traps to get you in a web of doubting yourself, abuse, lies and stress.  Love should not hurt.  Stay prayed up and surround yourself with healthy relationships that are drama-free.
  2. Learn that “no” is a complete sentence.  Establish and honor your own boundaries which teaches others how to treat you.
  3. Recognize when you are people pleasing and stop it.
  4. Speak up when someone disrespects you.
  5. Delete the phone number or at least distance yourself from people who drain you and rob you of your peace, money, time and trust.
  6. Realize you can’t fix and change people. Remember Maya Angelou’s quote, “When somebody shows you who they are … believe it.” We all eat lies, empty promises and quick snacks of “fast food love” when our hearts are hungry. Guard your heart from the blurred lines of desperation, loneliness and a healthy self-esteem.
  7. Overcome desperation, blind spots or being naive.  It’s painful to admit, but your job, church, family and friends may be taking your kindness for weakness.  Be careful about discussing your finances, love life, marriage, and past blunders because unfortunately some people lacking integrity will use the information against you or try to get money from you.  It’s also important to not be defensive and blind when the people who have your back are pointing out some of the blind spots you are ignoring about your relationship (especially abuse).
  8. Do the people around you have anger issues? Walk away from unnecessary arguments and power struggles.  Choose your battles wisely.
  9. Practice and embrace the “serenity prayer.”
  10. Remember your worth and don’t compromise your self-esteem, values, voice or faith.
  11. Get emotionally strong and resilient so people won’t see you as a push over.  Forgive yourself for the blindness that let others deceive, use and betray you.  Sometimes a good heart like yours … doesn’t see the bad in others.
  12. Confide in your safe place of friends, peers or family member so you can release the anger, resentment and stress.book cover self esteem follow your heart
    Send me Jewel’s book for my emotional wellness and wisdom building Click here to purchase your autographed copy today

jewel writing with penThese are lessons I had to learn the hard way.  I share these 12 gems with you to strengthen your heart and emotional well-being. ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr., 323.964.1736, e-mail me- JewelMotivates@gmail.com

self esteem broken pieces guard your heart

 

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