Am I ready to retire? Should I move to another city? Should I stay at this unfulfilling job or stay in this abusive relationship? Should I travel? Should I stop allowing my friend to disrespect me? Should I write my book? Should I keep loaning money to people? Should I take that class? Should I trust and date again after such a painful divorce? Should I leave my church where I am no longer growing?” Should I start my own business? Should I forgive and let go? Should I move to a new city? There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called “life”. When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud. But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, if I live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).
For some people, their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smoothes itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years. For me, it is the reverse. My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life. I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal. I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill. I’m learning to live with the mystery of life. I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence. I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”
Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God. Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.
One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe. I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.
The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm. She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.
I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame.
WHO or WHAT do you need to wash out of your mind (e.g. hurt, trauma, disappointment, betrayal, a bad relationship, poor past choices, shame, guilt, feeling unworthy, anger, worry, negative thinking, illusions, fears, addictions, procrastination, depression)?
Be sure to get some “spiritual leave-in conditioner” for a healthy mindset to detangle your thinking, heal your emotions, strengthen your roots and soften your words.
Wash, rinse, condition, and repeat.
1. Stop over-thinking. You will never have all the answers to all of life’s issues and mysteries. You cannot fix everyone and everything. Remember you can not pour into someone else’s life if you are empty, sick, tired, financially burdened, sad and overwhelmed. If you have the responsibility of parenting, care giving for the sick or elderly, your staff, team, ministry… delegate, ask for help, take frequent breaks to decompress and refuel your mind, body and soul.
2. Know that “no” is a complete sentence. You will burn out with exhaustion, resentment and sickness if you are a people pleaser, doormat, enabler, fixer go-to-person and silent sufferer.
3. We live in such a hurry up, over-stimulated, technology driven, media driven, competitive, do it now and have it all now society. Step away. Slow it down. Breathe in and savor the silence. Remember the “Serenity Prayer.”
4. Comparing yourself to others creates depression, self-loathing and envy. Facebook is great and it’s fun to be social. And if you have an online business, it’s priceless. Facebook is like an advertising campaign for everyone’s life. It’s all shiny, sparkly and well-crafted to present the best. Too much scanning can cause depression and feelings of inadequacy.
5. Create joyful rituals and activities. Find ways to develop your skills, talents, and interests. Even if your time and money are limited…make a promise to yourself to carve out some time in small increments to just “do you” …until you have more time and money for the extra perks of massages, travel, classes, etc.
6. Be so optimistic, pleasant, encouraged, hopeful and positive that negative people will stop coming around or calling you. Avoid the “vacuum type people” who suck out all of your peace, joy and energy. Distance yourself from the blessing blockers, manipulators, liars, drama driven, dysfunctional, needy and negative people. Cherish your friends. Make time for those you love and who uplift and energize your mind, faith, peace and soul. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
7. Be dedicated to upgrading your nutrition and drinking more water. We fill our bodies with so much sugar, fast, frozen, fried and fatty foods, microwaved foods, hormones, chemicals and pesticides and that support awful places like factory farms. Whether you’re an animal person or not, eating more from the earth and less from the factories lightens both your plate, your arteries, and your spirit. Consider watching Forks Over Knives .
8. Regular exercise can transform your life and add years to your life span. Move your body. Walk more. Find parking spaces further away from your store and walk. When you sit too much (e.g. TV, computer, sedentary work place) you will start to rust.
9. Splurge a little every once in a while on yourself (e.g. hair salon, pampering, travel, reading a book, enjoy your favorite dessert, take yourself to dinner or the movies, buy yourself some flowers, a new wallet, purse or that quirky piece of furniture or new jewelry you have been wanting, etc.)
What is the most recent “gift” you have given to yourself? (e.g. writing, forgiveness, telling the truth, letting go, travel, painting, a nap, speaking up, pampering, reading, drinking more water, fasting, dancing, solitude, a day off, took yourself on a date, said “no” or said “yes”, bought yourself some flowers, etc.)
10. Unplug. ..no emails, internet, smart phone, nothing for regular intervals. We are turning into an ADD society, jumping from one distraction to another. Unplug regularly or you’ll burn out your emotional hardware. Create sacred spaces in your home and de-clutter. Do more of the things that make you laugh and feel safe, loved and alive (e.g. comedy club, concerts, sitting on the floor with your children/grandchildren, cooking, dancing, painting, crafts, pets, gardening, volunteer work, etc.
11. You have a right to your feelings. But you don’t have to act out on your feelings of anger, fear or self-loathing. Let those feelings come and go like an ocean wave. If you suppress your authentic feelings eventually they will resurface in an unhealthy way at the wrong time and to the wrong person. Pray, exhale, meditate, go for a walk, listen to inspiring music or inspiring messages, write in your journal, call or visit a good friend, fast, change your routine, seek counseling or life coaching, etc.
12. Love and embrace your idiosyncrasies, image, age, and body…flaws and all. Be aware of your self-talk and sabotaging behavior. Walk in your truth. Be courageous enough to honor your choices, core values, body, time, and truth… or you will suffer in self-betrayal and the little lies that eat away at your soul. Lovingly self-correct without harsh judgment. Forgive yourself for past choices. Don’t be so intense about your life that you miss the joy, grace, blessings and beauty of life. Don’t downplay and diminish your strengths, gifts, purpose and uniqueness. Acknowledge your accomplishments. Be open, curious and ready to grow in every area of your life.
To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/counseling session the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor call 323.964.1736 or submit this quick inquiry below today.