The following is a page excerpt from Jewel Diamond Taylor’s book… SHIFT HAPPENS
When SHIFT happens in your life…you may be more vulnerable to the negative feelings of fear, depression, addiction and indifference. How are you coping with SHIFTS and the pressures in your life to succeed?
You may be feeling the pressures of society to; keep up, get a job, take care of your aging parents, keep up with social media, eat healthy, drink the right water, keep your child in college, wear a certain dress size, drive a certain car, live in a certain neighborhood, keep your nails and hair looking like Beyonce, maintain your secrets and brokenness, join the right church, wear that fake smile, fit in and act normal, attend every conference, have a perfect marriage, drink the fancy coffee every day, be “that girl”, be a perfect parent, give back to your community, suck it up and put on your “big girl panties”, your red bottom shoes and wear your superwoman cape. You may be feeling the pressure to accumulate all the right stuff, be great in the boardroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, at PTA, church and the good daughter or good wife. You may feel the pressure of being the “fixer” in your family, being a “cover girl” hiding your pain from abuse, secrets, Mr. Pitiful, breast cancer, racism, sexism, trying to keep a flat stomach and a big butt. The SHIFT in the world could be a source of stress to pay your bills and keeping a high credit score. Are you feeling overwhelmed trying to; forgive those who will never say they are sorry for hurting you, working for your promotion or diploma, stay woke, live a purpose driven life, never complain, acquire everything on your vision board, and keep going even though you don’t look like what you’ve been through or what you’re going through right on?
When you are going through the storms of life, you need an anchor to keep from drowning in your tears, misery and thoughts of hopelessness. You want to develop your faith and a sense of self-worth. Choose acceptance and action instead of anger, apathy and avoidance patterns. Choose courage to tell your story. Don’t let shame and the fact that your life doesn’t look like what you expected to like by now … to keep you silent. Speak up. Ask for help. Be a part of resilient building movements and circles like my Women on the Grow Circles.
In difficult moments, seek God.
In quiet moments, worship God.
In painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
e-Book “Shift Happens”
Comfort seekers, peace makers and conflict avoiders won’t express their true feelings when someone hurts you or betrays you. You’re afraid of the rejection you might receive if you honestly express your emotions and therefore don’t assert yourself. This often leads to depression, passive aggressive, self-destructive behavior and being an easy target for manipulation from others. A passive aggressive person is one who finds other means and ways to express his feelings and thoughts indirectly so as to hide the real feelings and thoughts. Usually the term is linked with feelings of piled up anger, but in a broader sense it refers to a person not being capable to be honest about his desires and emotions (passivity), and as a result they retaliate in frustration of not being able to be truthful (aggression).
If you cannot cope with your feelings and develop your voice regarding your relationSHIFT, jealousy, neglect, arguments, addictions, in-laws, blended family issues, finances, unhappiness, dishonesty in your marriage… passive aggressiveness can manifest (i.e. cheating affairs, burning dinner, lying, forgetfulness, pouting, sleeping in separate rooms, talking against your mate to your children, friends, co-workers or parents, silent treatments, no intimacy, no sex, sabotaging vacations, over working and busyness to stay away from home, sickness, depression, helplessness, neglecting home cleaning, clutter, excessive shopping or excessive eating, neglecting your appearance, acting like a victim, separate friends and activities).
Because the passive-aggressive doesn’t think they have many tools or self-worth to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, they rely on old patterns or what they saw parents or siblings or friends do in their relationships. When I began to honestly recognize my triggers of avoiding conflict, I had to admit I became a silent sufferer, procrastinator, a peacemaker, comfort seeker and conflict avoider.
I learned as a child and wife to repress, deny and ignore my true thoughts and feelings. When my mother died from breast cancer, I didn’t cope well emotionally or spiritually. That big SHIFT in our family rocked my world. I was afraid to express and feel my sadness and pain.
In the past when my husband and I had conflict or I felt unhappy and powerless, I wasn’t in touch with my anger. There were many SHIFTS in our marriage. By the time our oldest son died from cancer I had learned not to suppress my sadness. I believe I coped with the loss of our son (SHIFT) much better than when my mother transitioned. It still hurts but I have learned to give myself permission to talk about, grieve and take care of myself.
If you cannot cope with your emotions and SHIFT about your job … passive aggressiveness can show up (i.e. being late, gossip, severe absenteeism, slow productivity, long lunches, stealing, talking about co-workers or your boss behind their backs).
Anger and sadness are emotions that tell us when something is wrong, it can help you in terms of getting you to focus, pray, speak up, distance yourself from the boundary bullies, evaluate your values, needs and priorities, take care and honor yourself, identify your purpose and goals and strengthen your relationships and connections with God and others around you. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak… but believe me… ignoring them does. This blog is an excerpt from my book “SHIFT HAPPENS”. Order yours today and I will send your autographed copy to you to add to your personal library/ tool box.
e-Book “Shift Happens”