When “depression” really means something else

Have you noticed how the word “love” is often overused for all types of relationships?

The following are words to be more specific in regards to that warm feeling of love…

favor, like, partial, preference, relish, craving, crush, desire, infatuation, longing, lust, yearning, eagerness, enthusiasm, fervor, zeal. appreciation, esteem, estimation, regard, respect, adoration, adulation,

I also believe the word “depressed” is often overused or a person’s emotional state of mind can be misunderstood and misdiagnosed.

I saw a Jeff Foster quote on-line stating, “The word “depressed” is spoken phonetically as “deep rest”.  (Stop and say “depressed” out loud.)

WOW…this quote triggered my thoughts about depression. Many times I have quickly labeled myself as depressed when actually I was really feeling spent, exhausted, overwhelmed, and in great need for time to; rest, decompress, unwind, detox my mind, let go, get off the hamster’s wheel, process my anger, grief, and disappointments, cancel some appointments, unplug and fast from social media, delegate some tasks, say “no” to one more request, take a nap, meCation, stayCAtion, or vaCation.  When you have gone through some significant life changes i.e. divorce, death in the family, job loss, health issues, caregiving, new job, business owner, new city, marriage, etc…the stress in your body keeps track.  If you don’t rest periodically to regoup and renew…you will be forced to stop because of illness, accidents, or anxiety.

I have noticed when I am avoiding conflict, decision-making, resisting change, or in denial about situations I cannot control or change, the default story in my head says, “I am depressed.”  No Jewel.  Stop Jewel!

There comes a time when I need to rest my mind from; worry, anger, the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts, delays, disappointments, doubts, demands of my time, and the constant streaming of violence and hatred in the news.  I need to remind myself to recite the Serenity Prayer.

As a public speaker standing in front of all types of audiences, counselor, life coach, wife, mother, grandmother, founder of my Women on the Grow 501c3 ministry, a prayer warrior, a frequent flyer, a sensitive and empathic person, I must remember that my mind is like an emotional sponge absorbing a lot of mixed energy.  Because of my sensory overload … on a regular basis, I need to squeeze out all the stimulation, toxic energy, thoughts, and feelings that are weighing heavy on my mind.

You may be working hard, volunteering, parenting, care giving, traveling a lot, and studying which leads to sleep deprivation.  Taking time to re-evaluate your lifestyle choices, habits, pace, relationships, faith, and priorities can be your time of spiritual and emotional renewal.

Before you turn to medication to numb your feelings or shut down and isolate yourself….rethink your choice.  What you think is depression could really be an invitation for deep rest, renew, and restore your mind, body, and spirit.

Jewel please send me your e-book to continue reading more of your inspiration.  Click to offer donation 

Contact info to book speaker or book one-on-one counseling/coaching, call 323.964.1736 or email JewelMotivates@gmail.com

When there is GOOD in GOOD BYE

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It’s hard to realize you got blind-sided, bamboozled, tricked, manipulated, or kicked in your heart by someone you trusted or that someone took your kindness for weakness, that you were ill-prepared to deal with dysfunctional, untrustworthy manipulators, abusers, or didn’t know how to cope with conflict.

Its hard to face the truth that a relationship or job is futile, hopeless, or even dangerous to your emotional, mental, or physical health.

I have come to realize that people are really my life teachers. Most of my growth and hard lessons in self-esteem and finding my voice I learned from my marriage.  The past friends that hurt me … I now see as my teachers.  My children are my teachers.  I had to learn a lot about parenting, boundaries, respect, and self-worth from my own family and friends.  Some lessons were hurtful and some helpful.

Believe it or not…all of your relationships are your teachers.

The joy and the pain from your family, friends, co-workers, lovers, marriages, haters, helpers, energy vampires, besties,  supporters, business partners, boss, role models, leaders, pastors, mentors, parents, and children are your teachers.

You will either feel hurt, hindered, or helped by them. Hopefully you will learn and grow from them.

Did you learn from your “life teachers” to:

. have boundaries

. build your self-esteem

. speak up and find your voice

. speak a new language, new professional skills

. be more discerning in choosing friends

. have more courage and determination from the people who said “no” to you

. pay more attention to the red flags that are warning signs

. cook, dance, travel, improve your money habits

. ask more questions and be less impulsive when dating

. family traditions, communication, trust issues

. guard your heart from narcissistic, selfish, insecure, abusive, and dysfunctional people?

Do not beat yourself up for getting involved with a  narcissist, manipulator, abusor, untrustworthy, or immature person.  Wake up from the denial and gaslighting that made you think you were crazy, unworthy, stupid, unlovable, invisible, or damaged goods.

When you have been told you are no good or when you have felt invisible, incompetent, and insignificant, it is like being hypnotized and put under a spell.

Yes, I know it’s hard to break the spell…but it’s possible.  Yes, I know it’s difficult to admit you got caught and feel trapped in a painful relationship walking on eggshells.  Your mind wants to protect you from feeling pain, so your mind will resist the truth.  You will be stubborn at first to see and hear the truth because your mind doesn’t want to feel the pain of acceptance, surrender, being vulnerable, or separation.

Emotional freedom comes when you have the courage to face the truth or you finally say, “I’ve had enough.  I deserve better.  I am worthy of love, peace, and safety.”

Because of your kind heart, a strong desire for belonging, the fear of leaving or living alone, or lack of positive coping life skills, you may find it difficult to say good bye.  You may find yourself being in the role of a servant and slave to your abuser’s desires, demands, and emotional roller coaster rides.  You may be unconsciously trying to prove your worth or prove your love.  You may have expectations that don’t line up with your reality.  You may have invested so much time, effort, money, sacrifice, and prayer into your toxic relationship that you feel like a loser or a failure if you say good-bye.  Once you hit that wall of truth that your efforts are futile, be very careful of your self-talk that can be abusive.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Give yourself credit for the courage to face the truth and protect your soul, mind, body, money, well-being, and self-respect.

Once you stop screaming in silence or numbing yourself with busyness, bargaining, illusions/fantasy, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sleeping, or isolation…you can begin to see and feel the reality of your situationship.  Feel it, deal with it, and begin to heal.

You, alone, hold the key to your emotional and physical freedom.  There is some good in good-bye.  You are not giving up … you are letting go so you can grow.  Pray for the strength, guidance, and courage to fight for the good and God in you.  Seek support to keep you on track to move towards your freedom.  Remember if that relationship or job is costing you your peace, it is too expensive.

Emotional freedom to strengthen your voice, self-worth, and and self-respect is a process that promises to help you live in more peace.

Learn from your painful teachers that you don’t have to remain in their class.  You can pick up the broken pieces of your life and breath.  You can learn not to repeat the same class in future relationships.  You can learn that you are a child of God worthy of love, peace, safety, respect, and kindness.

I am available to be one of your life teachers. I am the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author, conference speaker, life coach, wife, mother, sister, grandmother, minister of God’s love and founder of Women on the Grow, Inc.

Jewel please send me your e-book to continue reading more of your inspiration.  Click to offer donation 

Contact info to book speaker or book one-on-one counseling/coaching, call 323.964.1736 or email JewelMotivates@gmail.com

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