Linda has always been the unofficial care giver in any relationship. It’s always been about the other person.
She has continually put her own needs last. She neglects her own appearance, and self-care, turns down invitations for social activities and feels she has no voice or power to make decisions. Linda never gained her own voice to say “no” or ask for help.
Growing up, her mother was a cruel narcissist who had no warmth or interest in Linda, Her father died when she was young. When Linda was eighteen her mother became ill and Linda was the primary care giver. She has older siblings but they didn’t help or visit.
Linda cared exclusively for her mother which blocked her from developing and living her best life. Her mother died when Linda was thirty-five, and Linda lived on in the same house until she had to sell it as her mother hadn’t left a will. She had spent her life caring for her mother whose self-absorption didn’t include any consideration of Linda’s own needs.
She knows she neglects and isolates herself. She barely knows how to ask for help. She feels she has wasted her life and doesn’t know how to start living. Linda lives with shame and guilt and doesn’t find it easy to make new friends. Linda feels she is “stupid, helpless, useless, and unworthy” when she is around other people.
Linda developed low self-esteem and lacked physical or emotional boundaries to protect and honor her peace and value. Her mother’s fits, of anger and rage, unpredictable mood swings, silent treatments, insults, neediness, and narcissistic ways shaped Linda’s emotional mondswt. Nothing was ever about Linda… so she believed she was nothing. Linda has been conditioned through the repeated emotions of shame and guilt to feel that any self-promotion or self-care, opinions, or desires were conceited and showing off. She was put down a lot as a child and emotionally she has confused success with conceit.
As the Self-esteem Dr., I guide my coaching/counseling clients on ways to check their own “emotional temperature.” Why? Because people and environments can cause you to experience;
. heart palpitations
. head aches
. stomach aches
. digestion flare ups
. no eating
. sleep deprivation
. Anxiety spells
. depression and isolation
. excessive drinking, cutting, eating
. super driven high achiever
The spectrum of abuse from; parents, lovers, spouses, children, friends, and authority figures can be from mild to severe, subtle or mean, manipulative and charming.
These are some of my prescriptions to gain emotional freedom, peace, and emotional well-being…
Journaling: write about how you’re feeling
Meditation: some quiet time and reflection helps us listen to ourselves
Prayer seeking guidance, comfort, and strengthening your faith
Reflection: looking back can help you plan ahead. What have you learned about yourself?
Questioning: ask yourself what you need more or less of.
Seek counseling and/or seek out a trusted friend to talk and express your feelings, learn how to establish boundaries and self-worth to believe you can have a life beyond your present circumstances.
Deep breathing exercises
Be proactive and schedule time for self and keep your commitment
Creativity: draw, paint, crafts, listen to music – something that frees your mind
Physical activity – dancing, therapuetic massage, walking, yoga, pampering (i.e. nails, hair, pedicure, etc.)
To plan a one-on-one session with the Self-esteem Dr., call 323.964.1736 or email TheSelfEsteemDr@gmail.com