9 steps to forgive yourself

forgive yourself shadow    Are you holding yourself hostage, feeling stuck, feeling ashamed or feeling unworthy because of your past?
    You may have; ​trusted the wrong person, made poor financial choices, ​mistreated someone, didn’t complete your studies, had serial meaningless relationships, mismanaged your money, hold grudges, misjudged others, walked away too soon from a relationship, business or job.
     You may have; a poor credit score, babies by different fathers, had a history of addiction, never learned to speak up in an abusive relationship, misused your body, ashamed of your family, been divorced several times, lied, abused or cheated on someone, or continually beat yourself up with negative self-talk about your body image or past poor choices.  It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
     If you can’t forgive yourself, you are doomed to live in shame.  When you can’t forgive others, you live in blame. Holding grudges, shame and blame can only block your blessings.  Don’t waste your power, time and energy on dead issues.  Let go of the negative garbage in your life.   Empty your mental trash can.  Begin to write in your journal about your feelings.  Working on patterns of your behavior is often more helpful than ruminating about your regrets.
     As I began to thinking about mistakes I made in my marriage, parenting, spending habits, real estate I shouldn’t have sold, food I shouldn’t have eaten, things I shouldn’t have bought, places I shouldn’t have gone to, people I shouldn’t have trusted, things I shouldn’t have said, or opportunities and money I lost because of doubt, procrastination, fear or feeling unworthy…I knew I had to learn how to forgive myself.
conference speaker author workshop     Once I no longer lived in denial and had the courage to face and own up to my harmful  behavior and lack of information…I was able to forgive myself.  Once I knew better, I did better.  Once I stopped blaming others or seeking quick fixes when my emotional buttons were being pushed…I began to see a “better me”.  I began to recognize the unrealistic expectations I had of myself and others.  I learned how to repent, respect and repair broken promises and relationships.  I learned to reduce ruminating about past mis-takes (e.g. thinking about it over and over again).  I resolved in my mind, heart and choices to continually grow in every area of my life.  I am more aware of my habits and mindsets so I can learn from past mis-takes so I won’t repeat them.  I learned to reach out to others to give and receive love, compassion and connections…which helped me to realize I am not alone and creates accountability.  Once I remembered the mercy and grace of God in my life…wow!  I knew I was the only harsh judge of myself.  Rejoice in knowing you have God’s unconditional love.
     Don’t let the past rob you of your present or future.  Peaceful and productive days will come as you make up your mind to only focus on thinking, speaking and acting in a positive way.  Work on healing any areas in your life of shame and guilt.  You must feel worthy.  This clears the path for you to experience more love, more success, more breakthroughs, more blessings and more peace.   Always remember prayer cannot change your past but it can change your heart.

Jewel Diamond Taylor, ready to speak for your conference, campus, retreat, workshop, church or workplace training323.964.1736

To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/mentoring session with Jewel aka “EmpowHERment Life Coach” call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

Living through the seasons called “hard, scary and painful”


Am I ready to retire? Should I move to another city? Should I stay at this unfulfilling job or stay in this abusive relationship? Should I travel? Should I stop allowing my friend to disrespect me? Should I write my book? Should I keep loaning money to people? Should I take that class? Should I trust and date again after such a painful divorce? Should I leave my church where I am no longer growing?” Should I start my own business? Should I forgive and let go? Should I move to a new city? There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called “life”. When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud. But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, if I live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).
For some people, their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smoothes itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years. For me, it is the reverse. My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life. I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal. I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill. I’m learning to live with the mystery of life. I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence. I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”
Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God. Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.
One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe.  I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.malibu-circle

The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm.  She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.

I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame.



Share what you see or receive

I created a new site to celebrate what is going right in this world.  In an effort to focus on the goodness and kindness of people I see all around me, I created a new blog…”A.O.K.” Acts of Kindness.

If you have given, received or seen random acts of kindness, please share your comments, story or pictures at this site.  http://aokindness.wordpress.com/

Whatever we focus on increases.  Acts of kindness can be contagious.



How to have compassion

Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer – from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish – combined with feelings of sympathetic concern.

You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.

Compassion is not pity, agreement, or a waiving of your rights. You can have compassion for people who’ve wronged you while also insisting that they treat you better.

Compassion by itself opens your heart and nourishes people you care about. Those who receive your compassion are more likely to be patient, forgiving, and compassionate with you. Compassion reflects the wisdom that everything is related to everything else, and it naturally draws you into feeling more connected with all things.

Additionally, compassion can incline you to helpful action. For example, one study showed that motor circuits in the brain lit up when people were feeling compassionate, as if they were getting ready to do something about the suffering they were sensing.

How do we cultivate compassion? Compassion is natural; you don’t have to force it; just open to the difficulty, the struggle, the stress, the impact of events, the sorrow and strain in the other person; open your heart, let yourself be moved, and let compassion flow through you.

Feel what compassion’s like in your body – in your chest, throat, and face. Sense the way it softens your thoughts, gentles your reactions. Know it so you can find your way back again.

Moments of compassion come in the flow of life – maybe a friend tells you about a loss, or you can see the hurt behind someone’s angry face, or a hungry child looks out at you from the pages of a newspaper.

Also, you can deliberately call in compassion a minute (or more), perhaps each day; here are a few suggestions:

  • Relax and tune into your body.
  • Remember the feeling of being with someone who cares about you.
  • Bring to mind someone it is easy to feel compassion for.
  • Perhaps put your compassion into words, softly heard in the back of your mind, such as: “May you not suffer . . . may this hard time pass . . . may things be alright for you.”
  • Expand your circle of compassion to include others; consider a benefactor (someone who has been kind to you), friend, neutral person, difficult person (a challenge, certainly), and yourself (sometimes the hardest person of all).
  • Going further, extend compassion to all the beings in your family . . . neighborhood . . . city . . . state . . . country . . . world. All beings, known or unknown, liked or disliked. Humans, animals, plants, even microbes. Beings great or small, in the air, on the ground, under water. Including all, omitting none.

Going through your day, open to compassion from time to time for people you don’t know: someone in a deli, a stranger on a bus, crowds moving down the sidewalk.

Let compassion settle into the background of your mind and body. ~ by Rick Hanson

40 Ideas to Help Others

1.       Plant a tree to help the planet.
2.       Rescue a pet.
3.       Volunteer as a teacher’s assistant.
4.       Donate sturdy shoes, thick socks and winter coats.
5.       Give warm biscuits to people living on the street.
6.       Start a food drive with your family and friends.
7.       Donate blood, plasma, and/or platelets.
8.       Join or create a support group.
9.       Console someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.
10.     Help someone find a job.
11.     Help clean or cover-up graffiti.
12.     Volunteer as Santa or an elf.
13.     Read books to children at your local library or bookstore.
14.     Bring your pet to visit the elderly or disabled.
15.     Donate books to the library.
16.     Contact a homeless shelter to see what assistance you can provide.
17.     Volunteer to comfort sick people in the hospital.
giving back

18.   Smile and speak to people you don’t know.
19.   Forgive someone you’ve held a grudge against.
20.   “Adopt” a senior citizen to visit at a nursing home.
21.   Say “I love you” more often.
22.   Use canvas grocery bags instead of paper or plastic.

23.   Offer to babysit for friends so they can enjoy a break.

24.   Be kind to someone who makes kindness difficult.
25.   Help a senior citizen with household chores and errands.
26.   Recycle.
27.   Send E-Cards to friends just because.
28.   Bake homemade cookies for local volunteers or service workers.
29.   Sign up to be an organ donor.
30.   Switch to natural cleaning products.
31.   Teach love and respect to your children by example.
32.   Use a water canteen instead of purchasing bottled water.
33.   Send Get Well balloons to a children’s hospital.
34.   Acknowledge and respect the homeless, even if you have no money to give.
35.   Be a sounding board for someone who needs to vent.
36.   Send a letter or care package to a soldier.
37.   Help an illiterate adult learn to read.
38.   Hug as many people as you can each day.
39.   Write a Thank You card to someone who touched your life in some way.
40.   Encourage young people to help out in their community instead.