It will not be easy…but it is possible

Some people survive and talk about it. Some people survive tough times and remain silent. Some people deal with unimaginable pain in their own life.

So, the next time you look at someone’s life covetously, or feel your life is inadequate compared to their life…remember you may not be able to endure their experience.  You may not know the cost of their alabaster box. So, while someone sits before you looking calm like an ocean on a sunny day, think about this.  The ocean is vast and wide.  One part of the ocean can be calm while another part of the ocean could be experiencing a colossal storm. It’s happening on the same ocean.

The voice of shame and low self-esteem say, “I’m not good enough.” “Who do you think you are?” I’m not worth it.” “I’m not lovable, beautiful, smart, good, capable, etc.”

Are you frustrated and feel your progress of healing from a broken relationship, financial setback, job loss, trauma, or illness, depression, or setback in your life is not happening fast enough? Your breakthrough and healing are NOT linear.  There will be ups and downs. In order to heal, you have to become comfortable facing your uncomfortable reality.  Don’t depress your feelings, express your feelings. Let the feelings come. Don’t run, hide, deny, numb, or minimize your feelings.  There will be moments of feeling stagnant and triggers that may cause you to feel defeated or fearful.

The support I offer through my one-on-one sessions and books are curated to inspire others to find the hope, courage, will, and strength to discover the depths of their faith, courage, and resiliency they never knew they possess. 

I pray you learn to create a sanctuary within yourself, not a prison.  Create inside yourself a place, a knowing, a safe  place where the pain, anger, grief, and world news cannot disturb your peace.
It will not be easy, but it is possible. You can’t be rushed, forced, or manipulated to start or stay with it.
Your mind can come up with a lot of ways to protect you (e.g. blame, avoidance, denial, feeling helpless, ashamed and guilty, fake smiles, minimization, isolation, busyness, suppress or medicate your feelings with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling, helping others). 

You have to be ready and hopeful. You must feel worthy of healing. One day you will thank yourself for not giving up. Ready, set, grow!  Stay in the light. – Jewel Diamond Taylor

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“Jewel my session with you today helped me tremendously to cope in a more productive way with the harassment and racism I am experiencing on my job. I have been so angry, stressed, and fearful of losing my job. You helped me to see how to manage my emotions, guard my heart and self-worth, and to see how the game of micro-aggressions were trying to push my buttons and give them justification to fire me. With each session you have been empowering me to find my voice and stand my ground.” – K. A., Los Angeles, CA

Good morning Jewel,

On behalf of the Administrative Professionals Day planning committee, thank you for speaking during our 23nd annual FDIC Administrative Professional Day Program. We appreciated your encouraging words and advice on how to protect our mental health and adjust to change in a constantly changing world. We have received lots of great feedback and people are asking for the recording to watch it again! Again thank you for speaking at the 2021 Administrative Professionals Day Program. We truly appreciate it.

Human Resources Branch/ DOA Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation Arlington, VA

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Some lessons are caught, taught, and some are bought

 

God has been “growing” my mind.  I have been learning some rough and beautiful life lessons.

I love being a woman on the grow!  I am learning to reflect on my past with “Kindsight”, to be compassionate, real, and patient with myself.

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with those areas in your life where you need to grow.  

remember to visit http://www.WomenOnTheGrow.org

Don’t ever wander so far away from your true self just to get close to someone else.

A SHIP is designed to take you places.  
So if your friendSHIP, partnerSHIP, or relationSHIP isn’t taking you anywhere positive and helpful…think…is it time to abandon SHIP?

Some people like to stay busy and distracted or stay in a blame/victim mentality instead of sitting still to reflect, sit with their pain, and heal.  Once you are courageous enough to live with the reality of your pain, loss, setback, heartache, regrets, or disappointments, and patterns … you will be in a position to walk the emotional path of acceptance, healing, renewal, and restoration of self-worth and faith.

Too often I hear people saying they are fighting their demons when the reality is they’re fighting and resisting the consequences of their choices.

Could it be life is inviting you to build spiritual stamina, mental health, and emotional wellness?

Until YOU heal…you will be toxic to anyone who tries to hire you, collaborate with you, befriend you, or love you.

Are you willing to examine your thoughts, patterns, relationships, choices, and emotional capacity to cope with stress?

Positive thinking and faith do not work unless you understand the roots of your beliefs and behaviors.  You can’t ignore your past conditioning, experiences, trauma, fantasies, expectations, and cultural programming. Once you accept your shadow self and all the many versions of YOU, your AWARENESS becomes your superpower to begin transforming your life.

For that someone who has the courage to speak up, armor up, and NOT return to that person or habit which is your “Egypt” (a place of bondage, i.e. addiction, shame, anger, dishonesty, debt, pride, abuse, self-harm, family secrets, or a dysfunctional relationship)… I encourage you to keep walking into your place of promise, freedom, and peace.  Stay in the light.  Getting help can help you overcome the darkness and break unhealthy patterns.

call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com to reserve your one-on-one video conference with Jewel Diamond Taylor, aka The Self-esteem Dr.

Jewel Diamond Taylor’s Speaking Calendar

March 21 – She is Well Book Launch and Virtual Summit (Maryland)

March 21 –  Sisters4SistersNetwork.org (Maryland)

March 24 Lexington Housing Authority Family Sufficiency Program virtual learning series in North Carolina

March 27 – Women with Visions, Unlimited Women’s History Month Program

March 27 – San Jose Multicultural Artist Guild Girlfriend Appreciation virtual program

March 31 – North County African American Women’s Association “The Strength of a Woman” Program

April 21 – FDIC Admin. Professionals Program

May 1 – 20th Annual Breast and Whole Health Empowerment Forum

Every Sunday Jewel Diamond Taylor’s webinar “The Filling Station”, 3 pm (Pacific)

Call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com to inquire about these engagements or availability for your event, program, conference, retreat, workshop, etc.

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6 TYPES OF BOUNDARIES to KEEP YOUR PEACE OF MIND AND MONEY

Watch out for the “boundary bullies”.

At first, you may feel selfish, embarrassed, stress, or mean when you start to have boundaries.  It will take time and determination.  Protect your self-esteem, time, body, energy, goals, money, and peace of mind.  One day you will thank yourself for finding your voice and value.
1. EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say)
a. I am not comfortable talking about my; past, weight, lifestyle, grief, decisions, surgery,  emotional pain, recent conflict,  job, etc. right now.
b. (In the case of avoiding drama, conflict, or awkwardness…”I will not be able to attend, but thank you for asking me.”)
c. I do not deserve to be treated or talked to like that.
d. Gossip, secrets, drama, trash talk and intense conversations are emotional dumping. I am not your dumping ground.
2. TIME BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say)

a. I can’t help you right now. I need to stay on schedule and focus. I have some commitments to keep. Is Thursday a good time for you?

b. If you are going to be late, text or call me.

c. I would love to attend, but I have a prior commitment I want to honor.

3. PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say
a. If you need to use my things, please ask first.
b. I feel disrespected and uncomfortable, you can’t touch me there.
c. Thank you, but I am uncomfortable hugging or shaking hands.  I’m not ready for intimacy.
4. MONEY BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say)
a. Because of my money priorities and obligations, I cannot answer your request. I will be praying with you that your needs will be met.

b. If I do choose to help, it is a loan and not a gift.
c. I do not discuss my income with others. I will not ask about yours.

5. RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say)
a. My relationship with my spouse, children, boo, ex, or parents are not open for discussion.

b. I know you care, but it is my personal business.

6. TOPIC BOUNDARIES (examples of what you can say)
a. I don’t discuss my politics, religion, or personal business here.
b. I don’t think that was funny or appropriate.
written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, aka The Self-esteem Dr.

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Call 323.964.1736 or email – Jewelmotivates@gmail.com to schedule one-on-one coaching/counseling by phone or zoom.

Momma didn’t believe me

RECENT COUNSELING SESSION WITH

THE SELF-ESTEEM DR.

CALLER: Jewel I am used to giving and showing up for others but I find it difficult to let others in and see my hurts.
JEWEL: Unfortunately, many women like you are used to being the giver and ignoring their own needs. How are you feeling? What shall we focus on today?
CALLER: I feel like I am not enough in so many areas in my life.
JEWEL: Did something happen to you recently or in your past that caused you to feel this way?
CALLER: When I was a child I was sexually molested. I told my mother but she didn’t believe me. I was dismissed.
JEWEL: No wonder you feel invisible and lack trust in others. Your inner child adapted to her trauma, betrayal, and feeling unheard by shutting down and not feel worthy of asking for help…especially when you felt unprotected by the main person you thought would help you and she didn’t. So why would you expect total strangers to help you?
CALLER: I tried so many ways to earn her love and they never seemed to be enough. I have college degrees and other achievements and I still felt like I was never good enough. She was a drama queen and my siblings and I were like a stage for her performances. Later as an adult, she did apologize for not being the best parent when I was a child. I do forgive her.
JEWEL: In spite of your “gold stars” you became a people pleaser and silent sufferer. You buried your hurts alive and now they are surfacing because you need to transform your thinking and re-parent yourself. You’re not alone in becoming an adult craving your mother’s love and attention to no avail. As you pour your time, money, energy, achievements, hopes, and tears into someone who is also hurting, it is like pouring into a bucket that has a hole. You can never do enough to fill or satisfy her. Many of us suffer from multigenerational patterns of abuse, neglect, secrets, separation anxiety, etc. It didn’t start with you. It started with your mother, her mother, and her mother and so on. We have some work to do and I am grateful and honored you trust me, my experience, and my dedication to empower my sisters.

To reserve your one-on-one time with Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr.

call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

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Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in?

“Are you introverted? Are you the hyper one or do you feel social activities are exhausting? Are you the talker or the quiet one? Are you fine staying home or are you a social butterfly? Do you try too hard to fit in? Do you feel out of touch with the people you work with?  Does your family think you are the “odd one”?  Do you enjoy different activities than your peers around you?  Do you spend your time feeling like you don’t fit in?  Do you feel like everyone around you has a better social life? Do you feel people just don’t “get you”? Do you worry too much about what other people think? Do you feel out of place in your job, church, or family?
Start being confident about your unique personality. Own it.  Don’t apologize for your taste, talent, time, and truth.
Your emotional wellness comes from being confident in yourself and not seeking approval from others.
You can’t please everybody.  If you realize that you do have some anxieties, past trauma, self-esteem issues or have traits that create social awkwardness and isolation…be honest with yourself.  Seek help and support.  Be strong enough in yourself not to feel unworthy, invisible, defeated, rejected, or an outcast. Your tribe exists. Your personality traits, quirkiness, and strengths are your unique footprint.  So walk in it!  The more authentic you are…the more likely you will attract “your people.”  The more you honor and respect yourself, you will learn to honor and respect the differences in other people without harsh judgment.
You are uniquely created.  There is no one else like you.  It’s not your job to make people like you…learn how to like yourself.” Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Emotional Wellness Educator, The Self-esteem Dr.

Where does it hurt?

Where does it hurt?  That’s the question the doctor usually asks when you come to be healed of your back ache, head ache, muscle pain, heart problems, high blood pressure, weight issues or depression?

Your emotional and physical body are one. Your body holds memories, emotions, and unresolved issues. You probably have feelings that are unexpressed or never healed which get stored in your body (i.e. trauma from abuse, incest, rape, incarceration, homeless). You may have emotional junk in your trunk.  Your heart can be heavy with emotional clutter. Maybe as a child you were never been hugged…never accepted…felt different…always punished…told to be quiet, be seen and not heard.  Feelings of rejection become suppressed emotions in your body.

Your feelings from a divorce, job loss, accident, anger, incarceration, severe illness, or uncried tears from the death of a loved one can pile up boxes of emotions in your body.

clutter logo smThose boxes may have never been opened because you had to keep going to work, show face, be strong, survive, and hold it all together. Those boxes of pain could be stored in your knees, heart, head, stomach, back, or neck.

Your internal conflict or unresolved emotional issues can store up in your muscles. You could have bladder problems (e.g. “He pissed me off!”). Maybe you are full of anxiety, nervous, worried and can’t sleep (e.g. “They are getting on my nerves.”).

Maybe you’re realizing you’ve had denial, lapses of memory, fallen into an addiction caused by saying to yourself, “I can’t believe this is happening to me!@#!”.

Your way of coping could have been sleeping, depression, denial, lapses of memory, staying extra busy, etc.

Unresolved sadness, grief, or anger from a breakup could make you feel you like you can’t breathe causing your chest to feel heavy, (e.g. “My heart is broken.”) thus making your body more vulnerable for a  heart attack or stroke.

pain body tender pointsYou could be experiencing muscle pain because you have spent years avoiding dark and painful emotions.  In situation where someone has experienced incarceration, abuse, incest, or rape in the past suffer from fatigue, muscle and joint pain, brain fog, and insomnia.  Trauma  changes the way the brain handles pain and stress.  It is very important to seek help to address your past wounds stored up metaphorically as “boxes” in your brain.

I’ve had my share of depression which happens when a toxic situation builds up over time in the brain.

Recently I have allowed myself to open some boxes and stop suppressing some feelings. I’m getting rid of some emotional boxes.

I have cried, reflected, cut my losses, let go of grudges, forgiven myself, laughed, given thanks, prayed and let go. I have felt muscle tightness in my shoulders (e.g. Trying to fix other’s problems and carry the world on my shoulders…thus back and shoulder pain.)

Seek healthy ways to unpack your emotional boxes and get rid of the emotional clutter.

In my seminars and retreats I offer injections for the infection of low self-esteem, fear, stress, procrastination and emotional pain. Those boxes could be blocking your door of success, health, peace and blessings.

This article is an excerpt from Jewel Diamond Taylor’s e-book “Get Rid of the Physical and Emotional Clutter”.  Download your copy today to review often and you will soon feel lighter and more peaceful.

Talk therapy, meditation, stretching, exercising, change of diet, emotionally distancing yourself from toxic people or places can help reduce your physical and emotional pain.

 

e-book Letting Go of Emotional Clutter

by Jewel Diamond Taylor

$2.99

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To schedule your one-on-one coaching/counseling session with The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, call 323.964/1736 or email TheSelfesteemDr@gmail.com

I’m done!!!!!

When you are feeling agitated, sad, mad, or hurt…ask yourself “What is REALLY going on?”
The real answer may surprise you. You may just be tired, lonely, sick, feeling ashamed or stretched to your limit. How often do you take out your frustrations on the wrong person, your closest target? How often do you make permanent decisions about a temporary situation? How many times have you quit a relationship, marriage, project, or job because your nerves and emotions were on edge?  How many times have you said, “I’m done!” but you were really feeling anxiety, used, abused, invisible, physically exhausted, not heard, not appreciated, insecure, overwhelmed, scared, tired of trying, and simply needing a break?

Is the clock ticking and you feel like you are running out of time? Sometimes the question is…”Who’s the matter with you” not “WHAT is the matter with you?”  Lingering, futile, toxic, unhappy, or manipulative relationships can tire you out.  Are you an overhelper, co-dependent, fixer, or is your loyalty displaced?

People and circumstances may trigger your emotions which live right underneath your skin that you have pushed down, ignored, forgotten or covered up with a mask.
What is really going on with you?

If you cut your finger or broke your leg, you would seek immediate medical care.
What do you do when you are emotionally bleeding, have a broken heart, become blind and lose sight of your purpose, your joy and optimism are on life support, or you fell down and fractured your faith, peace, and hope?

Through my counseling/coaching style I am able to support others to:

. discover emotional sobriety and emotional freedom
. improve their relationships
. revive their self-worth and self-esteem
. reduce their vulnerability to toxic people or past shame
. learn how to navigate a crisis without numbing themselves
. cope with a crisis with acceptance, action, right thinking, faith, endurance,       hope, and productive coping skills.
. move forward past their shame, procrastination, grief, abuse, setbacks, burnout, or ffaith fatigue.

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by The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, speaker, author, life coach, women’s retreat facilitator, Founder of Women on the Grow, Inc., media personality

To reserve your one-on-one time by phone, zoom, or in person, call 323.964.1736

or email – office@JewelDiamondTaylor.com

This story of abuse and low self-esteem is why I offer counseling and coaching

Linda has always been the unofficial care giver in any relationship. It’s always been about the other person.
She has continually put her own needs last. She neglects her own appearance, and self-care, turns down invitations for social activities and feels she has no voice or power to make decisions. Linda never gained her own voice to say “no” or ask for help.

Growing up, her mother was a cruel narcissist who had no warmth or interest in Linda, Her father died when she was young. When Linda was eighteen her mother became ill and Linda was the primary care giver. She has older siblings but they didn’t help or visit.
Linda cared exclusively for her mother which blocked her from developing and living her best life. Her mother died when Linda was thirty-five, and Linda lived on in the same house until she had to sell it as her mother hadn’t left a will. She had spent her life caring for her mother whose self-absorption didn’t include any consideration of Linda’s own needs.
She knows she neglects and isolates herself. She barely knows how to ask for help. She feels she has wasted her life and doesn’t know how to start living. Linda lives with shame and guilt and doesn’t find it easy to make new friends. Linda feels she is “stupid, helpless, useless, and unworthy” when she is around other people.
Linda developed low self-esteem and lacked physical or emotional boundaries to protect and honor her peace and value. Her mother’s fits, of anger and rage, unpredictable mood swings, silent treatments, insults, neediness, and narcissistic ways shaped Linda’s emotional mondswt. Nothing was ever about Linda… so she believed she was nothing. Linda has been conditioned through the repeated emotions of shame and guilt to feel that any self-promotion or self-care, opinions, or desires were conceited and showing off. She was put down a lot as a child and emotionally she has confused success with conceit.

As the Self-esteem Dr., I guide my coaching/counseling clients on ways to check their own “emotional temperature.” Why? Because people and environments can cause you to experience;

. heart palpitations
. head aches
. stomach aches
. digestion flare ups
. no eating
. sleep deprivation

. Anxiety spells

. depression and isolation
. excessive drinking, cutting, eating

. super driven high achiever

The spectrum of abuse from; parents, lovers, spouses, children, friends, and authority figures can be from mild to severe, subtle or mean, manipulative and charming.

These are some of my prescriptions to gain emotional freedom, peace, and emotional well-being…

Journaling: write about how you’re feeling

Meditation: some quiet time and reflection helps us listen to ourselves

Prayer seeking guidance, comfort, and strengthening your faith

Reflection: looking back can help you plan ahead. What have you learned about yourself?

Questioning: ask yourself what you need more or less of.

Seek counseling and/or seek out a trusted friend to talk and express your feelings, learn how to establish boundaries and self-worth to believe you can have a life beyond your present circumstances.

Deep breathing exercises

Be proactive and schedule time for self and keep your commitment

Creativity: draw, paint, crafts, listen to music – something that frees your mind

Physical activity – dancing, therapuetic massage, walking, yoga, pampering (i.e. nails, hair, pedicure, etc.)

To plan a one-on-one session with the Self-esteem Dr., call 323.964.1736 or email TheSelfEsteemDr@gmail.com

Remember to encourage yourself

I don’t know who this is for…but maybe you are in a “God Gap” right in the middle of where you used to be and where you want to be. Are you waiting for a breakthrough in your family, marriage, employment, health, finances, ministry, or business?

Maybe your usual sources of support are missing. Maybe someone let you down and went “ghost” on you.

Maybe you feel your prayers aren’t going past the ceiling.

Maybe you feel no one understands you.

Sing out loud D. L. Lawrence “Encourage Yourself” song. Strengthen yourself. Believe in yourself. Heal yourself. Promise yourself to practice more self-care. Befriend yourself. The kindness and encouragement give to others…give it to yourself also. Don’t betray yourself. Speak your truth. Create your boundaries of emotional or physical distance from the energy vampires, haters, critics, time stealers, and drama bringers. Have a good talk with yourself. Acknowledge your dreams, gifts, talents, ideas, strength, creativity, and accomplishments. Value your time, family, faith, health, anointing, skills, and self-worth. Let go and forgive yourself for past hurtful choices. Remember this scripture…”God is within her, she cannot fail.” Psalm 46:5

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Encourage yourself by guarding your heart from toxic and manipulative people. Encourage yourself to stick and not quit on your goals. Encourage yourself by reminding yourself that you are worthy. Encourage yourself and remember your past victories. Encourage yourself in your money habits and eating habits.

Encourage yourself by speaking life over your situation. Encourage yourself through your recovery from a heartache, divorce, layoff, addiction, setback, illness, or seeking a home, job, car, or new love.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. – Philippians 4:6

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10

By blog writer Jewel Diamond Taylor.

For a life-changing, insightful, and transformative counseling or life coaching session call 323.964.1736

email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

God, can we talk?!

OK now…please listen God! You got me up writing all these messages and feeling a lot of “aha” moments.  Am I writing these messages for others…or is it really helping me!  I think it’s both.

The revelations and insights are helping me and making me feel some kinda way.  Why didn’t I know these things before?  How many people have I hurt?  How many people have I helped?  Have I been my own worst enemy and saboteur?  Will I get better?  Will I have the right words to express what I am discovering?

I am learnig to process my past poor choices and emotional pain, mourn, feel, deal, heal, grieve, repent, and grow from them.

Everytime I feel I have grown on one level of my life, I find myself back in Your operating room to remove a cancerous thought, unrealistic expectation, belief, or habit.

I am no longer resisting the spiritual surgery.  I am healing and learning at the same time.  The process hurts at first before I begin to feel better.  I have to give up denial, worry, procrastination, and doubts.

It’s hard sometimes to fight a battle when I’m still limping from the last shot, cut, fall, kick, loss, or wound.  Yes, God, I’m learning to be resilient and practice what I teach.

I am reading this morning Isaiah 42:3 and encouraged by this scripture that says, “a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not quench because even though many of us are heavy laden with doubts, fears, and wounds…we will bend but not break, because of Your divine love.  Even though our inner candle is smoldering and about to go out, Your grace revives the flame of purpose, hope, and strength within us.

Lord, I need Your guidance to share the essential pearls of wisom I have excavated from the depths of my soul, experience, self-awareness, prayer, and study.

I thank you Lord for Your grace, mercy, and marvelous light which are accelerating my growth and peace.

Thank you for my “aha” moments enabling me to see more clearly how to overcome bitterness, depression, doubts, worry, and unrealistic expectations from others.

I get it God…every marriage needs a balance between intimacy and independence.  Beginnigs and endings will happen…friends, customers, and business associates will come and go.  My body needs healthy foods, water, and exercise.  I must see, seek, and seize opportunities beyond my comfort zone.  Continue learning so I can pass any of my tests (i.e. patience test, wilderness test, grief test, character test, courage test, faith test). Trust in Your divine order.  Remember my prosperity commandments.  My thoughts and words have power to create what I focus on.  I must keep the main thing…the MAIN THING!

Thank you for placing so many wonderful people in my life who see me and value my journey and purpose.  I will stay in the light.