Comfort seekers, peace makers and conflict avoiders won’t express their true feelings when someone hurts you or betrays you. You’re afraid of the rejection you might receive if you honestly express your emotions and therefore don’t assert yourself. This often leads to depression, passive aggressive, self-destructive behavior and being an easy target for manipulation from others. A passive aggressive person is one who finds other means and ways to express his feelings and thoughts indirectly so as to hide the real feelings and thoughts. Usually the term is linked with feelings of piled up anger, but in a broader sense it refers to a person not being capable to be honest about his desires and emotions (passivity), and as a result they retaliate in frustration of not being able to be truthful (aggression).
If you cannot cope with your feelings and develop your voice regarding your relationSHIFT, jealousy, neglect, arguments, addictions, in-laws, blended family issues, finances, unhappiness, dishonesty in your marriage… passive aggressiveness can manifest (i.e. cheating affairs, burning dinner, lying, forgetfulness, pouting, sleeping in separate rooms, talking against your mate to your children, friends, co-workers or parents, silent treatments, no intimacy, no sex, sabotaging vacations, over working and busyness to stay away from home, sickness, depression, helplessness, neglecting home cleaning, clutter, excessive shopping or excessive eating, neglecting your appearance, acting like a victim, separate friends and activities).
Because the passive-aggressive doesn’t think they have many tools or self-worth to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, they rely on old patterns or what they saw parents or siblings or friends do in their relationships. When I began to honestly recognize my triggers of avoiding conflict, I had to admit I became a silent sufferer, procrastinator, a peacemaker, comfort seeker and conflict avoider.
I learned as a child and wife to repress, deny and ignore my true thoughts and feelings. When my mother died from breast cancer, I didn’t cope well emotionally or spiritually. That big SHIFT in our family rocked my world. I was afraid to express and feel my sadness and pain.
In the past when my husband and I had conflict or I felt unhappy and powerless, I wasn’t in touch with my anger. There were many SHIFTS in our marriage. By the time our oldest son died from cancer I had learned not to suppress my sadness. I believe I coped with the loss of our son (SHIFT) much better than when my mother transitioned. It still hurts but I have learned to give myself permission to talk about, grieve and take care of myself.
If you cannot cope with your emotions and SHIFT about your job … passive aggressiveness can show up (i.e. being late, gossip, severe absenteeism, slow productivity, long lunches, stealing, talking about co-workers or your boss behind their backs).
Anger and sadness are emotions that tell us when something is wrong, it can help you in terms of getting you to focus, pray, speak up, distance yourself from the boundary bullies, evaluate your values, needs and priorities, take care and honor yourself, identify your purpose and goals and strengthen your relationships and connections with God and others around you. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak… but believe me… ignoring them does. This blog is an excerpt from my book “SHIFT HAPPENS”. Order yours today and I will send your autographed copy to you to add to your personal library/ tool box.
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A few days ago I couldn’t understand why I was feeling down, irritated and exhausted. After I traced my last few conversations, phone calls, places I went and personal encounters…I figured it out. I had a conversation with a person who has the personality of what I call a “vacuum cleaner.” This type “sucks” out all of your joy, energy and oxygen in the room. This type of person can leave you feeling empty, fearful, or depressed. I’m learning more and more of the importance to be careful and have boundaries around people who are like “energy vampires”, “vacuum cleaners”, “joy stealers”, and “blessing blockers.”
Have you ever eaten some food and then became violently sick and realized it was food poisoning? Well I think we should be aware of people in our lives who can give us “mood poisoning.”
Guard your heart, ears, eyes and spirit. The more you detox your life from people, habits and things that rob you of your peace, the more you will be sensitive to mood poisoning people who are critical, self-absorbed, gossipers, naggers, manipulative, negative, complainers, pessimistic, needy and emotionally messy.
People who lack confidence and full of gloom and doom, distrust, and anxiety are a toxic cocktail mix. Learn to be smart with your heart, mind and time. You may work with them or they may be in your family, church, campus, neighbor, organization or circle of friends. Yes, we must learn how to navigate our relationships with love, patience, diplomacy and care. Learn to assess which relationships are healthy and which you need to limit or distance yourself from. ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor
Depression thrives on fear and hopelessness. If your brain is worn out by thinking about stress, anxiety, doom, shame and “what if”…your brain gets exhaustion from the rumination and lack of good sleep. When your brain is flooded with stress hormones, it is difficult for your brain to see new perspectives, possibilities and hope. Shame and low self-esteem thrive on silence, secrecy, judgment and isolation which is the perfect breeding ground for addictions.
As a life coach I help others to find creative ways to get unstuck and calm their thinking and reframe their identity from shame to hope to healing to resiliency.
Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one time with Jewel Diamond Taylor or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com