Yes, it can be difficult…but don’t drop out of life

“Fear, pain, and setbacks can be paralyzing, traumatizing and terrorizing.  Life isn’t always easy.  Parenting, marriage, caregiving, paying your bills, living with abuse, financial stress, dysfunctional families, illness, operating your business/ministry, loneliness, grief, betrayal, an unfulfilling job, college, or poverty aren’t easy.

Some people drop out of life and drop into addiction, depression, despair, crime, toxic relationships, self-loathing or anger.  Some people haven’t learned how to cope and overcome their troubled childhood, abuse, poverty, family secrets, past setbacks or personal pain.  So they defend themselves from the pain by learning some very counterproductive behavior … procrastinating, isolating, depression, addictions, lying, silence, withdrawal, victimization, extreme joking/humor, fantasy, disconnecting, extreme busyness minimize or rationalize their pain or abuser’s behavior.  Depression causes thinking in all-or-nothing extremes which makes depressed ones resistant to new thoughts, support, and change.  Depression is closely rated to low self-esteem, which hinders a depressed person from seeing their worth and possibilities.  Unfortunately, many people who have been burned out, hurt, and traumatized learn to; not feel, not trust, not talk and pretend nothing is happening.

When you go through a terrible experience in your life, you decide what it means. You can say it is unfair, horrible and you identify yourself as a victim, loser, unlovable or a failure.  Or you can say it was a life lesson. You can perceive it as a permanent or temporary inconvenience.  You determine whether you will live with blame, shame, grudges or peace.  The story you tell yourself will either limit and define you as a victim.  Or your story will be about overcoming, healing, moving forward, forgiveness, creating a new normal, faith, courage, perseverance and resiliency.

As the Self-esteem Dr./Life Coach for women, I provide an emotionally safe place to help women come out of their psychological safe hiding place to feel, deal and heal their emotions that are sabotaging their relationships, success, happiness, health, peace, and purpose.
My prayer for you today is that you will find a mustard seed of faith and hope to believe you can make it through your wilderness.  Don’t let your past or setbacks define, discourage, defeat, deter, distract or destroy you.  My prayer for you is Numbers 6:24-26.”  Call me 323.964.1736 or email me JewelMotivates@gmail.com to schedule a one-on-one life coaching/counseling session with me.

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12 PowHERful Quotes from 12 PowHERful Women

  • “Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral, pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen.  It’s hard work that creates change.” – Shonda Rimes
  • “Any time women come together with a collective intention, it’s a powerful thing. Whether it’s sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens.” – Phylicia Rashad
  • “The minute you start caring about what other people think, is the minute you stop being yourself.   You have to embrace getting older.  Life is precious and when you have lost a lot of people, you realize that each day is a gift.” – Meryl Streep
  • “One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” – Michelle Obama
  • “Whenever I feel bad, I use that feeling to motivate me to work harder. I only allow myself one day to feel sorry for myself.  When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself, ‘What are you gonna do about it?’  I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me.” – Beyoncé
  • “Sometimes you have to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything – whatever is bringing you down – get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” — Tina Turner
  • “War is not a computer-generated missile striking a digital map. War is the color of earth as it explodes in our faces, the sound of child pleading, the smell of smoke and fear. Women survivors of war are not the single image portrayed on the television screen, but the glue that holds families and countries together. Perhaps by understanding women, and the other side of war … we will have more humility in our discussions of wars… perhaps it is time to listen to women’s side of history.  Everything can be taken from you in a second, but the human spirit is so strong.  War can teach you so much about evil and so much about good.” – Humanitarian Zainab Salbi
  • “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “I believe that the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are, truly being who you are. And I’ve spent far too long apologizing for that—my age, my color, my lack of classical beauty—that now at the age of, well, at the age of 46, I’m very proud to be Viola Davis, for whatever it’s worth.” —during her speech accepting the 2012 Crystal Award for Excellence in Film
  • “Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They’re what make the instrument stretch, what make you go beyond the norm.Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They’re what make the instrument stretch, what make you go beyond the norm.”  – Cicely Tyson
  • “I’m a parent, and I try to take care of my health and keep my life in order. In the last few years I’ve really had to decide what’s important to me, and it seems to me that my family and my health are top on the list. And those have nothing to do with show business.” – Diana Ross
  • “Shift happens in life.  Develop your faith, courage, connections and resiliency to bounce back like a palm tree…bend… but don’t break.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor

Living through the seasons called “hard, scary and painful”

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Am I ready to retire? Should I move to another city? Should I stay at this unfulfilling job or stay in this abusive relationship? Should I travel? Should I stop allowing my friend to disrespect me? Should I write my book? Should I keep loaning money to people? Should I take that class? Should I trust and date again after such a painful divorce? Should I leave my church where I am no longer growing?” Should I start my own business? Should I forgive and let go? Should I move to a new city? There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called “life”. When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud. But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, if I live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).
For some people, their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smoothes itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years. For me, it is the reverse. My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life. I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal. I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill. I’m learning to live with the mystery of life. I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence. I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”
Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God. Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.
One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe.  I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.malibu-circle

The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm.  She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.

I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame.

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excerpt from Jewel’s book “Shift Happens.”

book-cover-shift-happens-2   excerpt from Jewel’s book “Shift Happens.”
     “You have some priorities and tasks that need your attention and action.  Distractions and doubt are so destructive to your peace and progress.
     Focus, focus, focus!  Even when SHIFT happens…adapt and be flexible…don’t give up.  Let nothing or no one catch you off guard, throw you off balance, change your mind, discourage your drive, diminish your faith or cause you to second guess yourself.
     You are a success magnet.  You are a champion.  You are a winner.  You are a believer and achiever.  You finish what you start.  You keep your promises and commitments.
     You are divinely guided and provided for in all things.  The main thing for you to do is to …keep the main thing…the MAIN thing.  You will reap rewards and payoff from your focus today.  You will experience so much relief and progress because you are focused.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor

12 Things to Know About Toxic People

  1. You’re can become emotionally and/or physically sick from their drama.

 2. Toxic people can cause you to feel bad or ashamed of yourself.

3.  You can become their closest target for their anger. They play the victim role. A conversation or simple disagreement can escalate into a huge breakdown or argument.

4. They attack or blame you when you speak up for yourself.  You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying to avoid an argument or sh*t storm.

5.  Toxic people don’t show you respect. They never inquire about your feelings.

6. They are narcissistic. 

7. They will scream, cuss and fuss to make you feel like a child, stupid or incompetent.

 8. You can get stuck in a cycle of trying to fix, rescue, care for them or calm them down.

9.  You start to fear or dread being around them.

 10. They can suck all the oxygen out the room leaving you feeling dizzy, stressed and sick.

11. You feel exhausted like a vacuum cleaner that sucks out all of your joy, peace and faith.

12. Toxic people are controlling, territorial, judgmental, arrogant, selfish, ungrateful and have a need to be always right.  Your opinion, perspective, pain or happiness is not considered.

Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one life coaching, stress reducing and life enriching session with Jewel Diamond Taylor TODAY because you did not read this page by accident.  It’s time for you to experience some relief, clarity, courage, and peace.

 

5 Reasons Why People Stay Stuck

unhappy-couple5 reasons why you may be stuck in a toxic, abusive, unhappy or unequally yoked relationship or career position;
1) You don’t feel worthy. You feel you deserve bad treatment as your punishment for your past poor judgement, mistakes, or secrets sins…so you tolerate pain, unhappiness and bad behavior.
2) You never saw a “good relationship model” before to show you that you don’t have to live in pain, limitation or fear. You take on the role of a “fixer”, “victim”, “rescuer” or “doormat” or the “silent sufferer.”
3) You gain some type of emotional benefit by living as a victim.
4) You were programmed and told as a child that you were no good, ugly, unwanted, too much to handle, too bad, etc. So you don’t feel worthy of love or happiness.
5) You were never exposed to the knowledge, experiences, tools, support or relationships that can empower you to break the chains of fear, abuse, procrastination and low self-esteem.
The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, Life Coach, Author, Conference Keynote Speaker
323.964.1736