Relationship Pearls of Wisdom

Relationships Pearls of Wisdom


Honor and take good care of yourself to avoid feeling resentful, desperate and empty. Feed your mind, body and spirit with healthy and worthy thoughts.  When you’re physically hungry… you’re more likely to stop for fast/junk food… you’re not as selective about what food you eat because you are starving.  It’s the same with emotional hunger for love and companionship.  Vow to yourself that you will stay away from the “junk/fast food and late night”snacks”.  Junk food type relationships happen when you are emotionally starving and accept less, mess and stress.

pearl  Generally speaking…men are seeking peace and control and women are seeking security and attention.  One wants rest, the other wants to build a nest.

Each of you brings emotional baggage and flaws into your relationship.  Be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts. Neither of you are perfect, just perfect for each other.
pearl When a woman is uncertain about a relationship she will either start asking questions about where the relationship is going or she will try to win him over, fix him, rescue him, change him or challenge him. When this happens men will either; be like a genie in a bottle and disappear, act like a turtle moving slow in the relationship, ignore, avoid, play dumb, become angry or start arguments which are indirect signals to let you know he is not on the same page with you.  Have a life.  Don’t give someone else sole responsibility for your happiness.

Notice and acknowledge when your mate is doing something right.  A big common mistake is taking each other for granted.  Remember to speak the languages of love (i.e. 1) touch, 2) thoughtful I’m thinking of you surprise gifts (they don’t have to be expensive), 3) acts of service, 4) quality time and 5) kind words).
Women ask God for these type of men.

1. The Unmarried Man –
There are too many women attempting have relationships with married men. Married men are not a candidate for single women to date… period! This includes married men who are separated (legally or otherwise). They are still married and not available to date. Married people have their own families and concerns to deal with. That being said, the unmarried man, who is devoted to the things of God, is the type of man you should be interested in dating. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

2. The Kingdom Seeker –
A man who is seeking God’s Will for His life will, not only seek out a woman to date, but will seek out his wife. The Bible says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).  Ladies, you should be an asset; the thing that is *added* to him as he is FIRST seeking the kingdom of God.This is why I say, run as fast as you can for Jesus and the one who can keep up might be the one.

3. The Real Man –
No, I am not talking about machismo behavior (all the shoulders back, chest out, fist curling gestures and such)… Real men don’t need all of that. That’s what grown-boys do to get a woman’s attention. Real men “pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace” (2. Timothy 2:22). Real men regard women as a gift that is not to be taken advantage of; they see her as priceless and desire to cling to her (Matthew 19:5).   A real man’s character shows his high regard for a woman long before the dating stage.

4. The Learner –
A man who is in continual pursuit of knowledge is better equipped to handle life and execute on goals / plans. He should read, seek counsel, study continuously, etc… The Bible says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed”( Proverbs 15:22). Also, “My people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6). A man who is willing to learn and gain knowledge in life should also be more open to gaining knowledge about love and having successful relationships.

5. The Multiplier –
A man shouldn’t just balance you out, he should constantly add to you. His presence should multiply your potential. He should add to the beauty of who you are and never take away from anything that is precious about you.  The Bible says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The man you date should never cause you to compromise good morals. He should seek ways to support you in your values. His values should complement yours.

6. The Servant –
A man who has demonstrated a pattern of submitting to authorities in his life (leadership, pastors, parents, etc…) will also have an understanding of how to submit to God as the head of his life and, subsequently, how to commit to his future wife. The Bible says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them… Let them do this with joy and not with groaning,” (Hebrews 13:17). His positive attitude towards authority figures is an indication of his servant’s heart and also provides a picture of how he can be in a dating relationship.

7. The Consistent Man –
Emotions rise and fall, but character shows with consistency. The consistent man is not in a rush because he does not have poor intentions, nor is he interested in manipulating a woman to be led by her emotions). He will take his time to get to know you and will allow you to get to know him as well. The Bible says, “Whoever walks in integrity will be delivered, but he who is crooked in his ways will suddenly fall.” (Proverbs 28:18).  Over time, the consistent man’s good character will still stand, while the man with bad intentions will also come to light.

These 7 profiles of men written by Q. McCall

click here to get your e-book “Love Smart with Your Heart”

Who’s driving you crazy?

A great source of stress comes from attempting every exhausting way to get those you love or those you have to work with to understand you. You may be struggling to improve communication or gain respect and understanding.

You may feel like your relationship or job is emotionally draining and taking all of your joy, peace, time and sanity.

You may be burned out from dealing with drama, deceit, dysfunction, or difficult people. The daily grind of figuring out what to say, how to say it and when to say it could be driving you crazy.

You may feel like; you are not being heard, they don’t follow your logic, you’re running into dead ends and they just don’t get it!

No one wins when you implode, explode, attack, blame, shut down, retaliate, whine, complain or begin to manipulate others. What you avoid or what you allow to anger you…controls you. OK…so now there is an old school song in my head…Stop in the name of love (Diana Ross and the Supremes). That’s right…STOP in the name of love.

STOP in the name of peace and well-being. STOP in the name of REALITY. The reality is people are different. Life can be messy, miraculous, mysterious, uncertain, unfair, beautiful, wonderful, crazy and painful.

Remember the main causes of your stress when you are exhausted from dealing with crazy and difficult family, friends, customers, and co-workers. These five things are most likely the source of your stress and unhappiness.

1. Your fantasies, denial and expectations collide with reality and you can’t make peace with reality.

2. You want somebody or something to change. You feel responsible to fix, change, protect or rescue.

3. You have allowed others to be like a vacuum cleaner and suck you into their “stuff”. You feel like a victim in a vacuum and you don’t know how to get out.

4. Unable to cope well, you now experience apathy, depression, health issues, quick fix temptations, let’s make a deal approach and lack energy and faith to explore your options.

5. You lack support, courage, faith, coping/communication skills or awareness to comprehend, mend, bend, blend, transcend or end the relationship.

STOP in the name of love and schedule your one-on-one life coaching/counseling session with me soon! e-mail or call 323.964.1736.

5 Types of Female Entrepreneurs

Michele DeKinder-Smith is the founder and CEO of Linkage Research, Inc, a marketing research firm with Fortune 500 clients such as Starbucks, Frito Lay, Tropicana, Texas Instruments, Hoover Vacuums and Verizon Wireless.  She is an author of See Jane Succeed:  Five Types of Entrepreneurial Women Reveal What it Takes to Win in Business and in Life and co-author of the award-winning See Jane Collaborate: Your Essential Guide to Joyful and Prosperous Business Partnerships, Michele is guiding women to build better businesses, brands, and lives, one Jane at a time.  Below are the 5 types of entrepreneurs she describes:

Accidental Jane

Representing 1 in 5 female entrepreneurs and about 20% of their expenditures, Accidental Jane is that she didn’t really intend to start a business.  She ended up owning her own company when she was laid off, got frustrated with traditional employment, or when she developed an interest that lent itself well to becoming a business.  Accidental Jane is usually a solo-preneur who appreciates the work as it comes without driving for significant growth.

Go Jane Go

The smallest group at just 14%, Go Jane Go is four times more likely than the average female entrepreneur to own million dollar plus enterprise.  Because her business is thriving, she spends twice as much as the average female entrepreneur on goods and services to help her business run.  She has the highest personal income drawn through her business as well, in part because she’s keeping more money in-house by doing much of the work herself.  She’s in demand and continually busy – often feeling pulled in many directions at once.

Jane Dough

When you think of the quintessential female entrepreneur, odds are you’re thinking of Jane Dough, though she’s just 18% of the total market.  She’s a visionary, actively growing her business. Jane Dough is five times more likely than the average female entrepreneur to have a million dollar plus business and her spending reflects that fact.  She’s working longer hours but sees doing so as a means to an end of creating an asset she can use to “cash out” or leave as a legacy to future generations of her family.

Merry Jane

Merry Jane accounts for 19% of female entrepreneurs and her spending is lower than other groups.  Merry Jane is enjoying running her business in and around other priorities in her life – whether they be her full-time career, being a stay-at-home-mom, or serving as caretaker for someone she loves.  Her business is an outlet, allowing her to utilize her talents when she has time available while also bringing in some income.  She loves being a business owner because it gives her the freedom to work when and how she wants – and she’s consciously making a tradeoff for less money to be able to enjoy the control she has over her time.

Tenacity Jane

The largest single segment, Tenacity Jane represents a third of female entrepreneurs, whose businesses are not performing as well as they’d like – particularly financially.  As a result, she under-spends compared to other segments because resources are tight.  Though she may be struggling right now, she’s determined to do what it takes to turn her business into a thriving enterprise.  Most successful women business owners we’ve interviewed have experienced a Tenacity Jane phase at some point in their entrepreneurial careers and say the lessons learned during those times were invaluable.

You can take her assessment quiz here to determine your entrepreneurial type.

Healing Relationship Rejection

As the Self-esteem Dr. I counsel with so many women with depression.  I hear so often “it’s hard being a single woman.”  These women are doing what R&B singer Brandy sings about in one of her songs...“Sitting up here in my room waiting for you to invest in my happiness.  I must confess I’m just a mess sitting up here in my room.”  Whether the man in your life is a friend, lover or husband… men like women who like themselves.  Women who have a very low self-esteem are dangerous.  Men tend to think they are hysterical, stalkers, whiners, weak, clingy and needy.

I believe that too many times women don’t have the courage, faith and self-esteem to end a one-sided, abusive, neglectful or adulterous relationship.  The idea of being alone or starting over is too scary.  I believe sometimes when we don’t know how to protect and guard our hearts, God will end the relationship for us.  And then I hear women say…”I don’t understand why he left me…I don’t understand why he won’t return my calls….I wonder what I did wrong?”

I’m not saying that the drama, disappointments, divorce and demise of relationships is always the man’s fault.  Men hurt also.  There are good men who give their all and get wounded also.  This message is specifically written to empower women who need to boost their Relationships I.Q.   This message is for women who want to heal and guard their hearts.  So ask I women, “Are you one link in a chain of fools?”  Are you living with hopeless devotion, waiting and waiting in a one-sided relationship?  Your head probably knows it doesn’t make sense to keep trying, hoping, crying, waiting and wasting your time on someone who can’t return your love.  It’s your heart that needs to see the truth.  Your heart will keep remembering the good times and keep you in denial about the bad times.

Don’t be someone’s down-time, spare-time, part-time or sometime girl.  If they can’t be there for you all of the time, then they’re not even worth your time.

Sometimes you’re not meant to make up after a breakup…it could be your wake up call to show you that you are not meant to be a couple.   Love when you’re ready… not when you’re lonely.   Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.   You can’t see your next if you’re too busy looking at your Ex.  Your EX should stay an EX.  They’re the EXample of false love and an EXplanation for why you deserve better.  Don’t search for a man that will solve all your problems, he won’t.  Find one that won’t let you face them alone.  Lust, loneliness, superficial love and a Saturday only kinda of love can make you blind.  When someone shows  you who they are, believe it.  Take off your “pink” sunglasses.  Notice the red flags waving that warn you he not the one.  Follow your heart…but take your brain with you.   If you are attracted to the unavailable, “bad boy”, selfish, controlling or player type, you won’t be with a prayer.   Don’t just ask for a “good man”…seek a God man.  Rushing into emotional or sexual intimacy causes us to fast forward and skip over the real process of building a relationship based on time, dating, communication, trust, asking qualifying questions, honesty, disciplining our hormones, shared values, boundaries and friendship.

Brandy’s song musically warns women to not put their life on layaway waiting or someone to invest in your happiness.  It may sound hard and too cliche, but you’ve got to make your own self happy.  When the door closes on a relationship and it wasn’t your choice, why would you want someone back who doesn’t love, respect, honor or want you?

I have heard women in my one-on-one life coaching sessions tell me how they prayed asking the Lord to reveal to them what they needed to know about their boyfriend or husband.  “Lord let me know if he is cheating.  Lord let me know if he is the one for me.  Lord show me any flaws so I can decide if this relationship should go to the next level. Lord reveal to me if he is a controller…is he addicted to porn…will he be a good father to my children…does he have anger issues?   Lord let me know if he is gay, a liar, on drugs, married and just playing with my emotions.”

     When these ladies continued with their stories they told me their prayers were answered and they didn’t like what was revealed.  They didn’t like seeing the truth because now they needed the courage, faith and self-esteem to make a decision.   It’s better to be slapped by the truth then kissed with a lie.  A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want … but it won’t go any where.  Guard your heart by keeping your eyes, ears and spirit open to guidance from God and those you trust.

With permission I share a recent email received and the response from the Self-esteem Dr. regarding relationships…

“I enjoyed your recent “Love Smart”  presentation on relationships in Chicago.  It is always such a blessing to hear from God as HE continues to utilize his magnificent gifts bestowed to you.  We are all gifted.  Sometimes it feels like the prize in the crackerjack box. I feel somewhat successful with my modest profession as a special education teacher.  I have always dedicated my life to giving and being ever so thankful for every little thing that comes to me.   I’ve isolated myself and have no confidence.  I feel somewhat embarrassed that I can not move on from an issue that haunts me and I believe has hindered me from the full potential I can achieve.  I’m in love with someone, who I know loves me with the capacity he can love.  It isn’t enough.   I feel a failure because I can’t believe :1) it didn’t work out.  2) I’m stuck  3) I’ve isolated and have torn my self-esteem to scraps of little self worth  4) I’m craving the co-dependency willing to settle for creeping and one-night interludes.  A MESS!!

This brother is a good guy but he and I have such a bitter history.   Dr. Jewel drugs play a serious part in this matter.  And I know that is an immediate red flag but it is so complicated.

Today, I want to call him and apologize for sharing my views.  Then I remember how ridiculous that is.  He needed to know that I am loving and loved, an important creation to this planet, sent by God with a design that no man can and/or should change.  Today, I want to celebrate loving and being loved, even and especially because it didn’t work out.  Surely, he needed to learn how to treat a woman, and respect a lady.  I am seeking an answer as to what the life lesson was to teach me.  Because today I am still alone.  Today, I feel the conflict of heart and mind.  I have no willpower whatsoever.  For this reason, I have become lazy, out of shape, lacking the energy for my ambitions.  I am angry with myself because this is over someone whom I cannot control.  Would we want to share a life with someone who you can control? I think not!  When I know that he is there just loving me, from a distance, I am so secure.  As soon as we confronted the finality of our relationships, I became broken inside.  Strange……Help with a word, a mantra, to move on.  You see it’s been a year of creeping, back and forth, professing our love to one another without making the sacrifices needed to solidify a commitment.  Does love exist?  Am I deluded?  I’m an intelligent woman, but I keep making stupid mistakes.  Please send me your book because you ran out of them when you here teaching on this subject.  Thank you again, for your ear.” E. S. Hopeless Romantic

Click here to order your copy of the e-book to download and review often on your computer, ipad, tablet, android (PDF format)

Women on the Grow

A few years ago a young woman sat in my Women on the Grow life enrichment support group classes, How to Be anE-7 Woman“. I congratulate and celebrate with my Women on the Grow Dream Team Member Arnetha because she followed through by applying the principles from my E-7 Woman Class and my book Shift Happens: The Main Thing is to KEEP the Main Thing…The Main Thing.  Enjoy and be inspired by her testimony below:

“I am an E7 Woman on the Grow!!! Hello Jewel Diamond Taylor, This notification is to share with you the good news that I met my goal on June 9, 2012. I graduated from University of Phoenix and received my Bachelors of Science degree in Psychology. It was a long journey. I overcame many challenging obstacles; issues in my marriage relationship, struggling to stay focused and committed to my family and friends (I had to say NO to numerous social activities in order to “Keep the Main Thing ~ The Main Thing. “ My obstacles became my stepping stones for success and strengthened me in areas that I felt I could not persevere. There were times I felt that I would not be able to accomplish my goals because I was too busy trying to balance work and family. I recall at so many of your Super Goal Saturday events that I would say this is my year to graduate only to fall short a few credits (take a break to avoid a breakdown). Well here I am stronger and wiser and more knowledgeable. Yes, I was tired many of nights, sleep deprivation and unprepared family meals; needless to say I lost a few points on assignments due to poor planning of time management better known as procrastination.  I will continue to grow and work towards my Masters in Psychology.

Arnetha Booth

My accomplishments and goals as an E7 woman include the following:

1)      Empowered – plugged into God’s energy, standing in authority of God’s power

2)      Emotional Intelligence – manage my own emotions so others don’t manage me

3)      Economic Strength – wise with spending money and prosperous in health, multiple streams of income

4)      Enlightened – relationship with God and understanding His word

5)      Encouraged – empty the negative and fill myself with positivity, appreciation & gratitude (listening and reading materials by Jewel Diamond Taylor) my mentor and greatest inspirational teacher

6)      Education – Returned to school in 2007, one class and one course at a time, focused on the area that I was interested in growing (With God all things are possible)

7)      Self Esteem – I am worthy and loved. I am enough. I know who I am and know that I am truly a worthy child of God. (This was a long process to accept of myself).”

 Sincerely, Arnetha Booth (Your Dream Team Member) Irvine, CA

To get your autographed copy of the book “Shift Happens: The Main Thing is to KEEP the Main Thing…The MAIN THING”…click here

Praise Report

Blessings Minister Jewel Diamond Taylor (June 5, 2012)

I pray all is well. Please excuse me if I am rambling but I want to inform you that meeting you for the first time in 2008 at the business meeting that took place in Greenbelt MD changed my life. It gave me the inspiration to go home and write my essay to apply for Graduate school when I had procrastinated for months(almost a year) to write it. The deadline for graduate school was approaching fast and I could never stay focus to complete one paragraph, but after that first session of hearing you speak in person I was on an inspirational high. I was able to go home and write my 5-page typed essay in three hours. 😉 I was dancing around my house, listening and singing the song “Encourage Yourself” by Donald Lawrence that you played at the event.

I was on an inspirational high and no person or thing was able to break my spirit at that moment. I felt as if I could conquer the world. I was very empowered by your message to “Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing” that it encouraged me to purchase your book so it can help me to continue to stay focus and keep moving and growing forward. You autograph the book for me and you wrote the message, “stay focused” and I did. Your message and your wonderful spirit encouraged and empowered me to finish that paper that words were flowing out of nowhere. I emailed it to my friends and family to proofread before I submitted it to the school and they loved it. They said that they were so inspired by my essay that they wanted to return to school and focus on living their dreams or if they were the dean they would accept me without any thought. I was able to write an empowering essay because God used you to empower me that day. I was so full of encouragement that the very next day I emailed you to inform you of how I felt and emailed all of my friends and coworkers who were also inspired by what you have done. After reading my email to them, they wanted to meet you because they have never heard me sound so excited and encouraged in that way before I sent them my testimony of going to see you whenever you are in town is a life changing experience.

I wanted to inform you that the day you help me take the first step to apply to graduate school. Now, I have now completed that goal. I saw myself finishing school and I completed my MBA program from the University of the District of Columbia, Saturday, May 8, 2012. Attached is a picture of me receiving my MBA degree with a concentration in Accounting. To this day, I am not sure if I would have ever written that essay if I did not meet you so thanks for always encouraging God’s people.

Blessings,  Ikisha N. Little, MBA

Feeling stuck #!?@

You and I could blame other people all day for our failures, hurts and setbacks.  We only grow when we examine ourselves and realize we often sabotage and block our own blessings and success.  We procrastinate for many reasons; self-doubt, boredom, fear of failure, perfectionism, lack of discipline and focus, being unprepared, feeling unworthy, pride, and shame.

These feelings alone don’t necessarily lead to procrastination.  What tips the scales is going after your goals or tackling a task alone with no one to help you and no one to cheer you on.

You might think you are lazy or lack faith and confidence.  The real hindrance is loneliness and lack of accountability.  The way to overcome loneliness-based procrastination is to enlist the support of other people.

Jogging buddies, college study groups and self-help recovery groups understand the secret of accountability and encouragement.  If you are tired of your own excuses and really want to see results this year, ask for support.

coaching logo      Allow me to share with YOU some solutions and accountability to help you stay the course and see results this year!

 Do you have a desire to:

.  lose weight/have more energy/better health

.  find employment

.  increase your faith

.  graduate

.  stay clean and sober

.  complete your paperwork

.  de-cluttering your office/garage/home

.  overcome depression

.  save money/get out of debt

.  get out of an abusive relationship

.  write your book, finish your project or start your business

.  discover your life purpose

. heal from being stuck in grief, shame and depression

Come out of isolation.  Let go of pride.  Create a partnership.  Be accountable to a friend, family member, life coach (like me), your co-worker, mentor, your Bible Study group, etc.  Procrastination is a thief.

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