When you are feeling agitated, sad, mad, or hurt…ask yourself “What is REALLY going on?”
The real answer may surprise you. You may just be tired, lonely, sick, feeling ashamed or stretched to your limit. How often do you take out your frustrations on the wrong person, your closest target? How often do you make permanent decisions about a temporary situation? How many times have you quit a relationship, marriage, project, or job because your nerves and emotions were on edge? How many times have you said, “I’m done!” but you were really feeling anxiety, used, abused, invisible, physically exhausted, not heard, not appreciated, insecure, overwhelmed, scared, tired of trying, and simply needing a break?
Is the clock ticking and you feel like you are running out of time? Sometimes the question is…”Who’s the matter with you” not “WHAT is the matter with you?” Lingering, futile, toxic, unhappy, or manipulative relationships can tire you out. Are you an overhelper, co-dependent, fixer, or is your loyalty displaced?
People and circumstances may trigger your emotions which live right underneath your skin that you have pushed down, ignored, forgotten or covered up with a mask.
What is really going on with you?
If you cut your finger or broke your leg, you would seek immediate medical care.
What do you do when you are emotionally bleeding, have a broken heart, become blind and lose sight of your purpose, your joy and optimism are on life support, or you fell down and fractured your faith, peace, and hope?
Through my counseling/coaching style I am able to support others to:
. discover emotional sobriety and emotional freedom
. improve their relationships
. revive their self-worth and self-esteem
. reduce their vulnerability to toxic people or past shame
. learn how to navigate a crisis without numbing themselves
. cope with a crisis with acceptance, action, right thinking, faith, endurance, hope, and productive coping skills.
. move forward past their shame, procrastination, grief, abuse, setbacks, burnout, or ffaith fatigue.
by The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, speaker, author, life coach, women’s retreat facilitator, Founder of Women on the Grow, Inc., media personality
To reserve your one-on-one time by phone, zoom, or in person, call 323.964.1736
or email – office@JewelDiamondTaylor.com
I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.
I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.
We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future.
There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.
I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.
The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)
The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)
The third…The regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.
~ Proverbs 15:13
written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736
email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions
Comfort seekers, peace makers and conflict avoiders won’t express their true feelings when someone hurts you or betrays you. You’re afraid of the rejection you might receive if you honestly express your emotions and therefore don’t assert yourself. This often leads to depression, passive aggressive, self-destructive behavior and being an easy target for manipulation from others. A passive aggressive person is one who finds other means and ways to express his feelings and thoughts indirectly so as to hide the real feelings and thoughts. Usually the term is linked with feelings of piled up anger, but in a broader sense it refers to a person not being capable to be honest about his desires and emotions (passivity), and as a result they retaliate in frustration of not being able to be truthful (aggression).
If you cannot cope with your feelings and develop your voice regarding your relationSHIFT, jealousy, neglect, arguments, addictions, in-laws, blended family issues, finances, unhappiness, dishonesty in your marriage… passive aggressiveness can manifest (i.e. cheating affairs, burning dinner, lying, forgetfulness, pouting, sleeping in separate rooms, talking against your mate to your children, friends, co-workers or parents, silent treatments, no intimacy, no sex, sabotaging vacations, over working and busyness to stay away from home, sickness, depression, helplessness, neglecting home cleaning, clutter, excessive shopping or excessive eating, neglecting your appearance, acting like a victim, separate friends and activities).
Because the passive-aggressive doesn’t think they have many tools or self-worth to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, they rely on old patterns or what they saw parents or siblings or friends do in their relationships. When I began to honestly recognize my triggers of avoiding conflict, I had to admit I became a silent sufferer, procrastinator, a peacemaker, comfort seeker and conflict avoider.
I learned as a child and wife to repress, deny, and ignore my true thoughts and feelings. When my mother died from breast cancer, I didn’t cope well emotionally or spiritually. That big SHIFT in our family rocked my world. I was afraid to express and feel my sadness and pain.
In the past when my husband and I had conflict or I felt unhappy and powerless, I wasn’t in touch with my anger. There were many SHIFTS in our marriage. By the time our oldest son died from cancer I had learned not to suppress my sadness. I believe I coped with the loss of our son (SHIFT) much better than when my mother transitioned. It still hurts but I have learned to give myself permission to talk about, grieve and take care of myself.
If you cannot cope with your emotions and SHIFT about your job … passive aggressiveness can show up (i.e. being late, gossip, severe absenteeism, slow productivity, long lunches, stealing, talking about co-workers or your boss behind their backs).
Anger and sadness are emotions that tell us when something is wrong, it can help you in terms of getting you to focus, pray, speak up, distance yourself from the boundary bullies, evaluate your values, needs and priorities, take care and honor yourself, identify your purpose and goals and strengthen your relationships and connections with God and others around you. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak… but believe me… ignoring them does. This blog is an excerpt from my book “SHIFT HAPPENS”. Order yours today and I will send your autographed copy to you to add to your personal library/ tool box.
e-Book “Shift Happens”