3 Things That Can Really Mess Your Life Up

I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.

I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.

We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future..

There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.

I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.

regrets

The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)

The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)

The thirdThe regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.

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~ Proverbs 15:13

written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736

email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions

Waking Up Still Feeling the Same…No Change

I woke up this morning, put my feet on the floor, washed face and went downstairs…reality hit me again.  My son is gone.  This is not a dream.  Is this a trick? No, this is real.  He has gone on to heaven. I won’t see him walk through that door.  I won’t hear his voice again.  I won’t get another one of his wonderful hugs.  I won’t hear him talk about his passion about sports, golf, the stars, the pyramids or his goals for building the family business.  I woke up to a harsh reality.  I had to make a decision.

Have you ever woke up, put your feet on the floor and washed the sleep out of your eyes only to realize you are still single, still broke, still sick, still tired, still living in an apartment, or some where you don’t want to live?  Have you woke up and realized you still haven’t lost the weight, still going to a job that you hate, or woke up and realized you were still unemployed or still waiting for “that” phone call or  the pain in your body or heart hasn’t stopped?  Have you woke up to the reality that you still have to ride the bus or still have to feed and take of your child (children) even though you are feeling crappy and tired?  Have you ever woke and realized you were still angry or still stressed? Have you ever woke up to the reality that are still a widow, still going through a painful separation or divorce, still missing your parents, still haven’t found your purpose, still have no joy or you still feel lost and out of place at your job, church, family or on campus?

You have a decision to make.  Every day you make a decision.  You can decide to remain stuck in your emotions and stay on the train of thought that only leads to a destination of doom, gloom, depression, defeat and reaching for something to dull the pain.  Or you can decide to take a  ride on another train of thought that leads to breathing in gratitude, grace, peace and a determined mindset to live your best life today in spite of it all.  You cannot ride both trains at that same time.  When reality shows you something you don’t want to see or believe…which train of thought will you ride today?

train of thought

Join me as I learn to choose the right train of thought each morning.  Sometimes days are easy and some days are hard.  I resolve to exhale the pain and stress and inhale God’s grace to see another day.  I choose to see there are new possibilities.  I choose to shake off feeling tired and remain inspired to experience peace, compassion, gratitude, health and enthusiasm.  I choose joy.  I choose life. I choose courage.  I choose love.  I choose wisdom. I choose peace.  I choose strength to change what I can.  I choose acceptance for what I cannot change.  I choose wisdom to know the difference.  I choose resilience.  I choose a “bounce back” attitude.  I choose positive actions.  I choose to NOT give up. click this link to get your copy of my book “I AM Resilient” 

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Frustrated, Stuck, Broke, Sick, Tired or Lonely?

“It can certainly be frustrating feeling stuck, overwhelmed, broke, sick, lonely or lacking purpose. These emotional traps can knock you down into a state of depression throwing your hands up saying “what’s the use?” When I find myself slipping into darkness, I work on training my brain to focus on what I’m grateful for. I begin to see how far I have come, but I remain dissatisfied enough to want to improve. It’s a tricky balance to be grateful when all your circumstances seem dark or bearing no fruit. You can do it! I believe gratitude coupled with discontent is the turn around.

Thomas Edison once said,”Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.”

Gratitude lifts your head so you can begin to dream again with a humbled heart. Let your discontentment become your own motivation kicking you out of fear and into action. Don’t complain… remain hungry enough in your soul to want to achieve your goal. Learn the power of resiliency. Bounce back up. Get up. Think up. Cheer up. Count up your blessings. Look up. Speak up. Grow up. Stand up. Hook up with the right people. Turn up your faith and praise to God. But don’t give up! ” – Jewel Diamond Taylor

click HERE to order the book “I AM Resilient”

book cover I am Resilient 2

What’s aggravating you today?

stressed woman and man“Have you ever had “one of those days” when everything irritates you…a day when everything seems to go wrong and your patience is running out? Well I had one of those days Monday when I lost my cool. My computer was down for 3 days and I so aggravated. I was on hold on the phone for long periods of time. I had to go back and forth to the office supply store buying modems, routers, etc. I had several return visits in one day from my cable provider to solve the problem.  I was pulling my hair out, frustrated, saying a few choice words and irritated that I couldn’t get on-line to complete my work for 3 days.  I allowed a temporary situation to steal my peace.

Suddenly while looking out the window from my office and seeing the cable man return again for the 3rd time I had an epiphany. This is not a crisis, this is just an inconvenience. I said to myself….Jewel you know a crisis when you see it. You watched your son die from cancer and you couldn’t do anything to keep him here…that’s a crisis! This computer situation is just an inconvenience. Stop sweating the small stuff!

This aha moment reminded me of a story I read about best selling author Robert Fulghum.  In the 50’s he was working at a resort in Northern California.  For one week the employees were served the same thing for lunch every single day and the meals were deducted from their paycheck. Fulghum was outraged. And every night he would complain and unload his anger on a fellow worker named Sigmund Wollman. Fulghum did not like his working conditions and was ready to quit. Fulghum would rave and shout to the top of his lungs, kicking chairs and cussing.  His co-worker Wollman was a Jewish survivor of the Auschwitz camp of three years and to him every meal was a feast. He finally got tired of hearing Fulghum complain and said something that changed Fulghum’s perspective for the rest of his life.

Wollman said, “You don’t know difference between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if you have a nothing to eat, if your house is on fire…then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy, but a lump in your oatmeal, a lump in your throat and a lump in your breast are three very different things. We should learn to know the difference.

Fulghum went on to write, “For 30 years now, in times of stress and strain, when something has me backed against the wall and I’m ready to do something really stupid with my anger, a sorrowful face appears in my mind and asks, “Fulghum is this a problem or an inconvenience?”