- No two people are the same. Disagreements happen on a mental level. Disapproval of your mate’s appearance, choices, work, faith and values happens on an emotional level. Disagreements are to be expected, but constant disapproval of your mate does more damage to your relationship. Harsh words can hurt more than physical pain. Taste your own words before you spit them out. Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak. And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU. Disagreements will happen in any relationship, just remember disapproval with your nasty words, attitude, physical harm, silence or rejection can create deep wounds that never heal.
2. There are so many claims for your attention and time (e.g. TVs in each room, technology, work, church, school and meetings). Families that pray, talk, share and connect together on a regular basis, especially around the dinner table, have a better success rate for happiness and longevity.
3. Wouldn’t you rather come home to a castle…rather than a hassle? Do you want peace or to be right. Choose your battles wisely.
4. When relationships are new, generally speaking…men tend to rush into physical intimacy. Women tend to rush into emotional intimacy. Men think connection is sex. Women think connection happens from talking.
5. If you both agree on three books, you can reduce problems. They are the check book (financial harmony, goals, habits), cook book (sharing meals, talking, preparing meals for each other) and the Good Book (praying together and for each other, spiritual growth, study, maturing in God’s word together).
6. Women experience hurt more than anger. It’s healthy for women to learn how to express and own their feelings to avoid depression. Men are taught to master work, wealth, war, and women. Men are socially taught to exercise power and to refuse to surrender. Men are socialized to be silent and would probably have a heart attack before talking about a broken heart. The average man is socialized to deny, defending against and control his emotions.
7. Every relationship has a decision-making style. Poor communication in a relationship is a major cause for breakdowns and divorce.
- Supportive – let’s talk, we’ll decide
- Coaching – let’s talk, I’ll decide
- Delegating – you decide
- Controlling – I’ll decide
by Jewel Diamond Taylor, 323.964.1736, email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
1. Stop over-thinking. You will never have all the answers to all of life’s issues and mysteries. You cannot fix everyone and everything. Remember you can not pour into someone else’s life if you are empty, sick, tired, financially burdened, sad and overwhelmed. If you have the responsibility of parenting, care giving for the sick or elderly, your staff, team, ministry… delegate, ask for help, take frequent breaks to decompress and refuel your mind, body and soul.
2. Know that “no” is a complete sentence. You will burn out with exhaustion, resentment and sickness if you are a people pleaser, doormat, enabler, fixer go-to-person and silent sufferer.
3. We live in such a hurry up, over-stimulated, technology driven, media driven, competitive, do it now and have it all now society. Step away. Slow it down. Breathe in and savor the silence. Remember the “Serenity Prayer.”
4. Comparing yourself to others creates depression, self-loathing and envy. Facebook is great and it’s fun to be social. And if you have an online business, it’s priceless. Facebook is like an advertising campaign for everyone’s life. It’s all shiny, sparkly and well-crafted to present the best. Too much scanning can cause depression and feelings of inadequacy.
5. Create joyful rituals and activities. Find ways to develop your skills, talents, and interests. Even if your time and money are limited…make a promise to yourself to carve out some time in small increments to just “do you” …until you have more time and money for the extra perks of massages, travel, classes, etc.
6. Be so optimistic, pleasant, encouraged, hopeful and positive that negative people will stop coming around or calling you. Avoid the “vacuum type people” who suck out all of your peace, joy and energy. Distance yourself from the blessing blockers, manipulators, liars, drama driven, dysfunctional, needy and negative people. Cherish your friends. Make time for those you love and who uplift and energize your mind, faith, peace and soul. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
7. Be dedicated to upgrading your nutrition and drinking more water. We fill our bodies with so much sugar, fast, frozen, fried and fatty foods, microwaved foods, hormones, chemicals and pesticides and that support awful places like factory farms. Whether you’re an animal person or not, eating more from the earth and less from the factories lightens both your plate, your arteries, and your spirit. Consider watching Forks Over Knives .
8. Regular exercise can transform your life and add years to your life span. Move your body. Walk more. Find parking spaces further away from your store and walk. When you sit too much (e.g. TV, computer, sedentary work place) you will start to rust.
9. Splurge a little every once in a while on yourself (e.g. hair salon, pampering, travel, reading a book, enjoy your favorite dessert, take yourself to dinner or the movies, buy yourself some flowers, a new wallet, purse or that quirky piece of furniture or new jewelry you have been wanting, etc.)
What is the most recent “gift” you have given to yourself? (e.g. writing, forgiveness, telling the truth, letting go, travel, painting, a nap, speaking up, pampering, reading, drinking more water, fasting, dancing, solitude, a day off, took yourself on a date, said “no” or said “yes”, bought yourself some flowers, etc.)
10. Unplug. ..no emails, internet, smart phone, nothing for regular intervals. We are turning into an ADD society, jumping from one distraction to another. Unplug regularly or you’ll burn out your emotional hardware. Create sacred spaces in your home and de-clutter. Do more of the things that make you laugh and feel safe, loved and alive (e.g. comedy club, concerts, sitting on the floor with your children/grandchildren, cooking, dancing, painting, crafts, pets, gardening, volunteer work, etc.
11. You have a right to your feelings. But you don’t have to act out on your feelings of anger, fear or self-loathing. Let those feelings come and go like an ocean wave. If you suppress your authentic feelings eventually they will resurface in an unhealthy way at the wrong time and to the wrong person. Pray, exhale, meditate, go for a walk, listen to inspiring music or inspiring messages, write in your journal, call or visit a good friend, fast, change your routine, seek counseling or life coaching, etc.
12. Love and embrace your idiosyncrasies, image, age, and body…flaws and all. Be aware of your self-talk and sabotaging behavior. Walk in your truth. Be courageous enough to honor your choices, core values, body, time, and truth… or you will suffer in self-betrayal and the little lies that eat away at your soul. Lovingly self-correct without harsh judgment. Forgive yourself for past choices. Don’t be so intense about your life that you miss the joy, grace, blessings and beauty of life. Don’t downplay and diminish your strengths, gifts, purpose and uniqueness. Acknowledge your accomplishments. Be open, curious and ready to grow in every area of your life.
To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/counseling session the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor call 323.964.1736 or submit this quick inquiry below today.