3 Things That Can Really Mess Your Life Up

I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.

I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.

We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future..

There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.

I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.

regrets

The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)

The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)

The thirdThe regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.

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~ Proverbs 15:13

written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736

email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions

9 steps to forgive yourself

forgive yourself shadow    Are you holding yourself hostage, feeling stuck, feeling ashamed or feeling unworthy because of your past?
    You may have; ​trusted the wrong person, made poor financial choices, ​mistreated someone, didn’t complete your studies, had serial meaningless relationships, mismanaged your money, hold grudges, misjudged others, walked away too soon from a relationship, business or job.
     You may have; a poor credit score, babies by different fathers, had a history of addiction, never learned to speak up in an abusive relationship, misused your body, ashamed of your family, been divorced several times, lied, abused or cheated on someone, or continually beat yourself up with negative self-talk about your body image or past poor choices.  It isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
     If you can’t forgive yourself, you are doomed to live in shame.  When you can’t forgive others, you live in blame. Holding grudges, shame and blame can only block your blessings.  Don’t waste your power, time and energy on dead issues.  Let go of the negative garbage in your life.   Empty your mental trash can.  Begin to write in your journal about your feelings.  Working on patterns of your behavior is often more helpful than ruminating about your regrets.
     As I began to think about mistakes I made in my marriage, parenting, spending habits, real estate I shouldn’t have sold, food I shouldn’t have eaten, things I shouldn’t have bought, places I shouldn’t have gone to, people I shouldn’t have trusted, things I shouldn’t have said, or opportunities and money I lost because of doubt, procrastination, fear or feeling unworthy…I knew I had to learn how to forgive myself.
conference speaker author workshop     Once I no longer lived in denial and had the courage to face and own up to my harmful behavior and lack of information…I was able to forgive myself.  Once I knew better, I did better.  Once I stopped blaming others or seeking quick fixes when my emotional buttons were being pushed…I began to see a “better me”.  I began to recognize the unrealistic expectations I had of myself and others.  I learned how to repent, respect and repair broken promises and relationships.  I learned to reduce ruminating about past mis-takes (e.g. thinking about it over and over again).  I resolved in my mind, heart, and choices to continually grow in every area of my life.  I am more aware of my habits and mindsets so I can learn from past mis-takes so I won’t repeat them.  I learned to reach out to others to give and receive love, compassion, and connections…which helped me to realize I am not alone and creates accountability.  Once I remembered the mercy and grace of God in my life…wow!  I knew I was the only harsh judge of myself.  Rejoice in knowing you have God’s unconditional love.
     Don’t let the past rob you of your present or future.  Peaceful and productive days will come as you make up your mind to only focus on thinking, speaking and acting in a positive way.  Work on healing any areas in your life of shame and guilt.  You must feel worthy.  This clears the path for you to experience more love, more success, more breakthroughs, more blessings and more peace.   Always remember prayer cannot change your past but it can change your heart.

Jewel Diamond Taylor, ready to speak for your conference, campus, retreat, workshop, church or workplace training323.964.1736

To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/mentoring session with Jewel aka “EmpowHERment Life Coach” call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

Jewel’s Audio Podcasts

bite size nuggets bling

Listen to “Guard Your Heart”

Listen to “The Cause of Your Suffering”

 

 

7 Ways to Save Your RelationSHIP

  1. Before you jump ship, or have a relation(ship) wreck… remember this points.  No two people are the same. Disagreements happen on a mental level.  Disapproval of your mate’s appearance, choices, work, faith, and values happens on an emotional level.  Disagreements are to be expected, but constant disapproval of your mate does more damage to your relationship. Harsh words can hurt more than physical pain.  Taste your own words before you spit them out.  Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak.  And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.  Disagreements will happen in any relationship, just remember disapproval with your nasty words, attitude, physical harm, silence or rejection can create deep wounds that never heal.

2. There are so many claims for your attention and time (e.g. TVs in each room, technology, work, church, school, and meetings).  Families that pray, talk, share, and connect together on a regular basis, especially around the dinner table, have a better success rate for happiness and longevity.

3. Wouldn’t you rather come home to a castle…rather than a hassle?  Do you want peace or to be right.  Choose your battles wisely.

4.  When relationships are new, generally speaking…men tend to rush into physical intimacy.  Women tend to rush into emotional intimacy.  Men think the connection is sex.  Women think the connection happens from talking.

5.  If you both agree on three books, you can reduce problems.  They are the checkbook (financial harmony, goals, habits), the cookbook (sharing meals, talking, preparing meals for each other) and the Good Book (praying together and for each other, spiritual growth, study, maturing in God’s word together).

6.  Women experience hurt more than anger.  It’s healthy for women to learn how to explain and own their feelings to avoid depression.  Men are taught to master his work, wealth, war, and women.  Men are socially taught to exercise power and to refuse to surrender.  Men are socialized to be silent and would probably have a heart attack before talking about a broken heart.  The average man is socialized to deny, defending against and control his emotions.

7.  Every relationship has a decision-making style.  Poor communication in a relationship is a major cause for breakdowns and divorce.

  1. Supportive – let’s talk, we’ll decide
  2. Coaching – let’s talk, I’ll decide
  3. Delegating – you decide
  4. Controlling – I’ll decide

by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Relationship Building Seminar/Retreat Facilitator

323.964.1736, email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

 

12 Awesome Self-Care Prescriptions

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1. Stop over-thinking. You will never have all the answers to all of life’s issues and mysteries.  You cannot fix everyone and everything.  Remember you can not pour into someone else’s life if you are empty, sick, tired, financially burdened, sad and overwhelmed.  If you have the responsibility of parenting, care giving for the sick or elderly, your staff, team, ministry… delegate, ask for help, take frequent breaks to decompress and refuel your mind, body and soul.
2. Know that “no” is a complete sentence. You will burn out with exhaustion, resentment and sickness if you are a people pleaser, doormat, enabler, fixer go-to-person and silent sufferer.

3.  We live in such a hurry up, over-stimulated, technology driven, media driven, competitive, do it now and have it all now society.  Step away.  Slow it down. Breathe in and savor the silence.  Remember the “Serenity Prayer.”
4.  Comparing yourself to others creates depression, self-loathing and envy.  Facebook is great and it’s fun and healthy to be social. And if you have an online business, it’s priceless. Facebook is like an advertising campaign for everyone’s life. It’s all shiny, sparkly and well-crafted to present the best. Too much scanning can cause depression and feelings of inadequacy.
5. Create joyful rituals and activities. Find ways to develop your skills, talents, and interests.  Even if your time and money are limited…make a promise to yourself to carve out some time in small increments to just “do you” …until you have more time and money for the extra perks of massages, travel, classes, etc.
6. Be so optimistic, pleasant, encouraged, hopeful and positive that negative people will stop coming around or calling you.  Avoid the “vacuum type people” who suck out all of your peace, joy and energy.  Distance yourself from the blessing blockers, manipulators, liars, drama driven, dysfunctional, needy and negative people.  Cherish your friends.  Make time for those you love and who uplift and energize your mind, faith, peace and soul. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

7. Be dedicated to upgrading your nutrition and drinking more water. We fill our bodies with so much sugar, fast, frozen, fried and fatty foods, microwaved foods, hormones, chemicals and pesticides and that support awful places like factory farms. Whether you’re an animal person or not, eating more from the earth and less from the factories lightens both your plate, your arteries, and your spirit. Consider watching Forks Over Knives .

8. Regular exercise can transform your life and add years to your life span. Move your body. Walk more. Find parking spaces further away from your store and walk.  When you sit too much (e.g. TV, computer, sedentary work place) you will start to rust.

9.  Splurge a little every once in a while on yourself (e.g. hair salon, pampering, travel, reading a book, enjoy your favorite dessert, take yourself to dinner or the movies, buy yourself some flowers, a new wallet, purse or that quirky piece of furniture or new jewelry you have been wanting, etc.)  gift-to-me

What is the most recent “gift” you have given to yourself? (e.g. writing, forgiveness, telling the truth, letting go, travel, painting, a nap, speaking up, pampering, reading, drinking more water, fasting, dancing, solitude, a day off, took yourself on a date, said “no” or said “yes”, bought yourself some flowers, etc.)

10.  Unplug. ..no emails, internet, smart phone, nothing for regular intervals. We are turning into an ADD society, jumping from one distraction to another.  Unplug regularly or you’ll burn out your emotional hardware. Create sacred spaces in your home and de-clutter. Do more of the things that make you laugh and feel safe, loved and alive (e.g. comedy club, concerts, sitting on the floor with your children/grandchildren, cooking, dancing, painting, crafts, pets, gardening, volunteer work, etc.

11. You have a right to your feelings.  But you don’t have to act out on your feelings the-self-esteem-dr-stethoscopeof anger, fear or self-loathing. Let those feelings come and go like an ocean wave. If you suppress your authentic feelings eventually they will resurface in an unhealthy way at the wrong time and to the wrong person.  Seek counseling support to heal from past trauma.  Read my book Wisdom for Women. Pray, exhale, meditate, go for a walk, listen to inspiring music or inspiring messages, write in your journal, call or visit a good friend, fast, change your routine, seek counseling or life coaching, etc.

12.  Love and embrace your idiosyncrasies, image, age, and body…flaws and all.  Be aware of your self-talk and sabotaging behavior.  Walk in your truth.  Be courageous enough to honor your choices, core values, body, time, and truth… or you will suffer in self-betrayal and the little lies that eat away at your soul.  Lovingly self-correct without harsh judgment.  Forgive yourself for past choices.  Don’t be so intense about your life that you miss the joy, grace, blessings and beauty of life.  Don’t downplay and diminish your strengths, gifts, purpose and uniqueness.  Acknowledge your accomplishments.  Be open, curious and ready to grow in every area of your life.

To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/counseling session the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor call 323.964.1736 or submit this quick inquiry below today.