Sadly, I admit I have lost money, time, opportunities, sleep and peace of mind from the terrible habit of avoiding important tasks. I am not totally recovered. However, gladly, I have seen so much progress and gained some self-respect, effectiveness, progress and peace of mind because of these following practices I put into place to break old habits.
To increase my daily success of achieving my tasks. I have to psyche myself out because I know the words, habits and thoughts in my head that block and sabotage my progress which causes me to avoid tasks and eventually pay the consequences. So instead of having a “to do” list…I have a “things to finish” list. When I hear “to do” it sounds to wide open and vague. “Things to finish” is my kick in the behind to not only do something…but finish my task. I have learned that my self-talk changes how I do things. Since I read my emails daily…all day…I send myself an email with the subject line “To finish“.
- You’re can become emotionally and/or physically sick from their drama.
2. Toxic people can cause you to feel bad or ashamed of yourself.
3. You can become their closest target for their anger. They play the victim role. A conversation or simple disagreement can escalate into a huge breakdown or argument.
4. They attack or blame you when you speak up for yourself. You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying to avoid an argument or sh*t storm.
5. Toxic people don’t show you respect. They never inquire about your feelings.
6. They are narcissistic.
7. They will scream, cuss and fuss to make you feel like a child, stupid or incompetent.
8. You can get stuck in a cycle of trying to fix, rescue, care for them or calm them down.
9. You start to fear or dread being around them.
10. They can suck all the oxygen out the room leaving you feeling dizzy, stressed and sick.
11. You feel exhausted like a vacuum cleaner that sucks out all of your joy, peace and faith.
12. Toxic people are controlling, territorial, judgmental, arrogant, selfish, ungrateful and have a need to be always right. Your opinion, perspective, pain or happiness is not considered.
Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one life coaching, stress reducing and life enriching session with Jewel Diamond Taylor TODAY because you did not read this page by accident. It’s time for you to experience some relief, clarity, courage, and peace.
- Pray for discernment to know when someone is fake and abusing you. A person’s words and actions should line up. The adversary/trickster can use many fiery arrows, disguises, words, and emotional traps to get you in a web of doubting yourself, abuse, lies and stress. Love should not hurt. Stay prayed up and surround yourself with healthy relationships that are drama-free.
- Learn that “no” is a complete sentence. Establish and honor your own boundaries which teaches others how to treat you.
- Recognize when you are people pleasing and stop it.
- Speak up when someone disrespects you.
- Delete the phone number or at least distance yourself from people who drain you and rob you of your peace, money, time and trust.
- Realize you can’t fix and change people. Remember Maya Angelou’s quote, “When somebody shows you who they are … believe it.” We all eat lies, empty promises and quick snacks of “fast food love” when our hearts are hungry. Guard your heart from the blurred lines of desperation, loneliness and a healthy self-esteem.
- Overcome desperation, blind spots or being naive. It’s painful to admit, but your job, church, family and friends may be taking your kindness for weakness. Be careful about discussing your finances, love life, marriage, and past blunders because unfortunately some people lacking integrity will use the information against you or try to get money from you. It’s also important to not be defensive and blind when the people who have your back are pointing out some of the blind spots you are ignoring about your relationship (especially abuse).
- Do the people around you have anger issues? Walk away from unnecessary arguments and power struggles. Choose your battles wisely.
- Practice and embrace the “serenity prayer.”
- Remember your worth and don’t compromise your self-esteem, values, voice or faith.
- Get emotionally strong and resilient so people won’t see you as a push over. Forgive yourself for the blindness that let others deceive, use and betray you. Sometimes a good heart like yours … doesn’t see the bad in others.
- Confide in your safe place of friends, peers or family member so you can release the anger, resentment and stress.
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These are lessons I had to learn the hard way. I share these 12 gems with you to strengthen your heart and emotional well-being. ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr., 323.964.1736, e-mail me- JewelMotivates@gmail.com
In my experience as a woman, wife, daughter, mother, sister, friend, life coach and counselor for thousands of women, I have discovered the following 5 common profiles. I continue to grow to identify my own blind spots, personality tendencies, strengths and self-worth.
These are just some of the most common personalities I see either in myself or others. I hope this helps you to better understand the relationships around you and to better understand yourself.
1. PEACEMAKER PATRICIA you are flexible, adapt easily, good listener, you enjoy soothing others and making connections. Blind spot: Trying to make others happy can cause you to overlook what you really want and need. Loyal to a fault while neglecting your own needs and opinions eventually creates resentment.
Remedy: Start spending time alone periodically to hear your voice. Take off your superman(woman) cape and allow situations to work themselves out. Let go and let God.
2. STRIVING SHARON: Sharon is intense about pursuing accomplishment,. You have something to prove, you have a to-do-list, and a strong “all or nothing” focus. You have a high and sometimes hard expectation of yourself and others. This profile mask is “Excellence/perfect performance”.
Blind spot: Developing relationships is not your strong suit and the relationships that you do have… suffer. Relaxation doesn’t come easy. Your personal achievements can give you a view of life that doesn’t allow for diversity and different points of view.
Remedy: Be willing to grow out of your zone of routine and predictability and create more balance and spontaneity. Your books sometimes cannot teach what being around people who don’t share your experiences, status or pedigree can teach about life.
3. NURTURING NANCY: Nancy is very present, caring, empathetic and available as the “911” person in your tribe…ready to rescue others.
Blind spot: You don’t realize you are being burned out, sick, resentful and that people are sometimes taking your kindness and availability for granted.
Remedy: Begin to prioritize. Create more balance. Say “no” to unrealistic and unnecessary requests of your time, energy, talent, money and gifts. Develop ways to recharge your battery and nurture your soul, body, dreams and purpose without guilt.
4. I DON’T CARE CARRIE: This profile is someone who has been so independent, burned out and disappointed in the past that you have become apathetic, numb, isolated and frozen by choice to survive. Blind spot: You are missing out on real connections that are not fake, users and abusers. You don’t see how people see you as someone who is cold, cruel, distant and without feelings. Their assessment is not true, but your body language, distance and attitude has become frozen without feeling. Remedy: Begin to thaw out! Begin to trust happiness again. Begin to see that there are people around you who care and can bring some healing, joy, connection and positive experiences.
5. I NEED ATTENTION ANNIE: This profile is someone desperate, wounded and needy for any kind of attention (good or bad). Mask “I am a victim” “Nobody loves me.” “I can’t help it.”
Blind spot: They think they are the only one experiencing pain. They don’t hear the voices of help. They feel stuck in the past. They do not see people pulling away from them. They don’t see how their “poor me” attitude, anger or whining repels the possibility of real loving relationships.
Remedy: Be willing to hear from people who care about you even if it feels uncomfortable. Realize, through professional or authentic counseling, that your insecurity is based on fear and unresolved issues. Work on learning how to enjoy your own solitude without needing the type of relationships that only reinforce your sense of low self-worth. Learn to tend to your own needs in a healthy way without blaming and making others feel responsible for your happiness.
You may not see yourself in any of these profiles. Of course there are many more. Maybe this information will help you to see and understand some of the relationships in your life that are point of pain, confusion, stress or in need of help. To schedule a one-on-one life coaching session with the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, call 323.964.1736 or email – Jewel@DoNotGiveUp.net
- How do you feel about this opportunity?
- What work experiences have you had that prepare you to be successful in this position?
- What do you see as your three greatest strengths?
- What do you think is your biggest weakness?
- How do you learn best? How would you describe your learning style?
- You’ve obviously accomplished a great deal. To what do you attribute that success?
- We all make mistakes. When you discover that you have made one, how do you handle it?
- Do you think that telling a “white lie” is ever justified “for the greater good”?
- If things go wrong with a project, what obligation if any do you feel compelled to share with your boss?
- If someone else has wronged you in some way, how do you deal with the situation?
- Can you tell me about a recent situation where you had to share bad news with someone? How did you handle it?
- Have you ever been in a situation where you had to make good on a commitment that you wished you hadn’t made?
- Are you satisfied with what you have accomplished in your life so far?
- Where do you see yourself in three years?
- What are your biggest personal goals? career goals?
- Would you consider yourself a reader? What kinds of things do you like to read?
- What was the last book you have read? What are you reading now?
- How do you make sure that you follow-up on your assignments? Do you have a system?
- How do you typically prepare for meetings?
- How well did you do in school? If you had to do it over again, how would you have done it differently?
- What do you wish they had taught you in school that they didn’t?
- Do you consider yourself a smart person? If so, why?
- What’s your general approach to problem-solving?
- How would you describe your learning style?
- What are some of your interests outside of work?
Your daily decisions shape your destiny. Make up your mind that your thoughts, words and actions will break cycles of frustrations and failure. Make up your mind that you will invest in your success, health, faith, abundance, relationships and purpose.
Train your mind to SEEK opportunities. SEE opportunities. SEIZE opportunities. SEE that you are worthy, willing and courageous.
✓ There are no guarantees. Certainly you can never know in advance whether a decision will be correct, therefore, you must be prepared to take risks. The more courage you show in making decisions, the more you improve your skill.
✓ Look for the opportunities. If you make a mistake, view it as an opportunity to learn what didn’t work and why. Many times decisions are reversible and you can change your mind.
✓ Hindsight is 20/20. You might discover in hindsight situations that may have affected your decision had you known about them earlier. This is normal and typical but should not stall your decision-making process.
✓ Don’t make hasty and emotional decisions especially when you just received a large amount of money from gambling, the lottery, job bonus, family inheritance, insurance settlement or when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
✓ The habit of avoidance and procrastination is costly (financially, physically, your relationships and your peace of mind). Listen to my CD on Procrastination to learn the power of making decisions and taking action.
✓ Do not get stuck and do nothing. If you’ve done everything you can to make a good decision and still can’t make up your mind, do not delay making an important decision for fear that you don’t know enough or will make the wrong choice. Make decisions with confidence and courage.
✓ Don’t let fear stop you. Sometimes people become so paralyzed with the fear of making a wrong decision that they panic and lose sight of what they’re trying to accomplish. This hinders making any decision. Don’t assume the worst or allow other people’s opinions to cloud your judgement and faith. Don’t second-guess yourself and talk yourself out of action, momentum, breakthroughs and peace of mind.
When all is said and done, all you can do is the best with what you have to work with. Do not underestimate the power of intuition, intelligence, ideas and instincts.
Scripture suggestions about making decisions:
Proverbs 3:5-6, James 1:5, Jeremiah 33:3