In my coaching and counseling sessions I’m hearing a lot of conversations from women who are feeling unworthy, unhappy, depressed, and questioning their lives. Social media posts of weddings, travel vacations, books sales, events, cars, people booed-up, new homes, college graduates, entrepreneurs, marriages, proposals, weight loss, clothes, eyelashes, shoes, etc. are creating a new phenomena of toxic comparison. The pressure to perform and produce to keep up and cover up a sense of “not enoughness” is leading to relationship and marriage breakups, high debt, multiple harmful surgeries, depression, and self-esteem crash and burns.
With the overexposure of social media and people posting their managed image and often exaggerated posts…we are seeing a dramatic increase of people feeling inadequate, stressed, and in high-gear driven to have more and do more.
One must ask these questions. 1) Is what I’m seeing authentic and real? 2) If it is, why am I unable to be happy for other people’s success? 3) Am I realizing I am insecure and need to work on my personal growth? 4) Do I live in fear, lack, and jealousy? 5) Am I practicing good habits of productivity or procrastination? 6) Am I more concerned about what other people think and strive for perfection instead of progress? 7) If what I am coveting is real, am I willing to sacrifice, work, study, and cope with the responsibility that comes with any new level of well-being, satisfaction, success? Social media tends to show the success and finish line… but not show the back story… the mess, the struggle, the heart ache, losses, the setbacks and attacks, the sacrifice, the bumps, bruises, and the obstacles that were behind the posted photos.
The feelings of comparison is spreading like a cancer and steals a person’s peace, gratitude, contentment, joy, and self-esteem.
5 things to remember to manifest your next level of breakthrough and success…
1. Speak it before you see it. Your words have power.
2. Visualize it…be specific.
3. Think and ink it. Write it down and review often.
4. Seek accountability and support (e.g. mentor, life coach)
5. Give God thanks in advance. Take action with expectancy and gratitude.
Hello Jewel,”Thank you so much for all your wisdom, knowledge & gifts of the spirit. I came to you needing to get unstuck. My plan is to retire in a few years & you said to me narrow my mind &vision & get focused. In the back of my mind, there are all of these voices speaking to me. (e.g. What about this what about that and so on.) I needed to talk with someone who would not judge me & who could give a different perspective on my concerns. Your energy & positive words have helped me to focus better on my goals & desires of my heart. I am better at focusing & trusting God and have you now as an accountability partner.” – F.C.M.
Some people survive and talk about it. Some people survive tough times and remain silent. Some people deal with unimaginable pain in their own life.
So, the next time you look at someone’s life covetously, or feel your life is inadequate compared to their life…remember you may not be able to endure their experience. You may not know the cost of their alabaster box. So, while someone sits before you looking calm like an ocean on a sunny day, think about this. The ocean is vast and wide. One part of the ocean can be calm while another part of the ocean could be experiencing a colossal storm. It’s happening on the same ocean.
The voice of shame and low self-esteem say, “I’m not good enough.” “Who do you think you are?” I’m not worth it.” “I’m not lovable, beautiful, smart, good, capable, etc.”
Are you frustrated and feel your progress of healing from a broken relationship, financial setback, job loss, trauma, or illness, depression, or setback in your life is not happening fast enough? Your breakthrough and healing are NOT linear. There will be ups and downs. In order to heal, you have to become comfortable facing your uncomfortable reality. Don’t depress your feelings, express your feelings. Let the feelings come. Don’t run, hide, deny, numb, or minimize your feelings. There will be moments of feeling stagnant and triggers that may cause you to feel defeated or fearful.
The support I offer through my one-on-one sessions and books are curated to inspire others to find the hope, courage, will, and strength to discover the depths of their faith, courage, and resiliency they never knew they possess.
I pray you learn to create a sanctuary within yourself, not a prison. Create inside yourself a place, a knowing, a safe place where the pain, anger, grief, and world news cannot disturb your peace. It will not be easy, but it is possible. You can’t be rushed, forced, or manipulated to start or stay with it. Your mind can come up with a lot of ways to protect you (e.g. blame, avoidance, denial, feeling helpless, ashamed and guilty, fake smiles, minimization, isolation, busyness, suppress or medicate your feelings with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling, helping others).
You have to be ready and hopeful. You must feel worthy of healing. One day you will thank yourself for not giving up. Ready, set, grow! Stay in the light. – Jewel Diamond Taylor
“Jewel my session with you today helped me tremendously to cope in a more productive way with the harassment and racism I am experiencing on my job. I have been so angry, stressed, and fearful of losing my job. You helped me to see how to manage my emotions, guard my heart and self-worth, and to see how the game of micro-aggressions were trying to push my buttons and give them justification to fire me. With each session you have been empowering me to find my voice and stand my ground.” – K. A., Los Angeles, CA
Good morning Jewel,
On behalf of the Administrative Professionals Day planning committee, thank you for speaking during our 23nd annual FDIC Administrative Professional Day Program. We appreciated your encouraging words and advice on how to protect our mental health and adjust to change in a constantly changing world. We have received lots of great feedback and people are asking for the recording to watch it again! Again thank you for speaking at the 2021 Administrative Professionals Day Program. We truly appreciate it.
Human Resources Branch/ DOA Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation Arlington, VA
Feedback from a MARRIED COUPLE who are receiving weekly counseling with the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor:
I’m realizing the dysfunctional relationship I have had for so many years of rejections and criticism from mother has effected my marriage. You have helped me to understand why I am so hard on myself and constantly trying to prove my love to my wife.
My wife and I learned some real good communication skills. We can see a difference in the way we are dealing with our disagreements…I am learning to respond and not react.
I can really see a difference in my husband. I can see he is really tryiing to change and think before he blows up with anxiety and impatience.
We are learning how to be more honest about our feelings and triggers. Thank you Dr. Jewel for these weekly sessions. We are telling other couples about your counseling service.
Feedback from SEVERAL WOMEN who share their takeway from their sessions with The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor:
. I am more of an avoidant mom than a smothering mom. I don’t like feeling smothered or too bothered and I get overwhelmed with conflict or responsibility because I was such a young mom and I was a single mom for most of my children’s lives so I avoid stuff to protect my self.
. My parents did they best they could but I didnt have a perfect model of parenting and I am parenting from some of those same flawed parenting techniques.
. I may have wrong expectations about the type of parent I can be and I need to practice more self compassion.
. I am struggling to confront and draw boundaries with my mother who is manipulative, emotionally distant, and shows me no respect. You are helping me to accept the reality of her personality and this dysfunctional relationship. I am drained emotionally and it is affecting other areas of my life.
. As a young woman who had a lot of bad decisions with men, you are giving me guidance and helping me to move forward after some deep depression, feeling suicidal, angry, and ashamed. I’m so glad my Grandmother referred me to you for counseling and coaching. I now have 2 new jobs and accepted to go go to community college.
. I can feel the pain but I don’t have to feed it. (For me the feeding is with shopping and eating, and I buying my kids stuff so they wont feel pain and I wont feel guilty.)
. No more secrets I don’t have to be ashamed of my past. I can be vulnerable and transparent, it is freeing!
. I am gaining so much clarity and feeling free from guilt, shame , and always being the giver, fixer, and go-to person in my family. It’s my time now to start finding out what I want, need, and deserve. My life has been about helping everybody for so many years and now these sessions are strengthening my self-esteem and I’m taking some positive actions to let go and reduce the drama and stress I’ve been feeling for years.
. Generational patterns are repeating themselves, I’m seeing my daughters are making some of my same mistakes. Divorce, unwed mom, being with men that are broken and don’t value selves and finding men that don’t value them.
. I share too much business with my children because I haven’t had a spouse for many years.
. You helped me to see that we can shine on our jobs and fail at home.
. I need to recognize and acknowledge the things I was running from or I will leave a trail behind me.It may make me uncomfortable at first but it is liberating.
To contact The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor for one-on-one life coaching or counseling, email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com or call 323.964.1736
Wednesday, April 28,4:00 pm (Pacific) onThe Blend Talk Show facebook page. Season 2 is everything you need to know to start healing from the impact that #covıd 19 has had on your mind, body, and spirit.
The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor will be a speaker for The Wellness Group – Breast Health Awareness celebrating 20 Years of Empowering Women! The Wellness Group presents our 20th Annual Healthy Lifestyle Forum, “Embrace the Woman You Are,” on Saturday, May 1, from 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m., via Zoom. The event will offer dynamic and powerful presentations, educational materials, product samples, gifts and prizes. Admission is free with registration. To register, visit https://twg20thannualhealthylifestyleforum.eventbrite.com Space is Limited! Register Today!
Sometimes you need to seek counseling and help because the wounded or stressful people in your life won’t seek counseling. What words did someone say to you that keep ruminating in your head? Did someone mock you and you began to think you were unworthy, stupid, unlovable, undesirable, ugly, or a failure? Did someone cause you to feel invisible, unheard, or crazy? Did somone think of you as their default relationship and only with you when it was convenient for them?
A wound is a wound. The pain of words lasts longer than a physical wound. The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart. I’m counseling a young lady now who is devastated and almost suicidal because the man she loves broke her heart, used her, took her money, and pride. She is finding it difficult to understand that the one who broke her … can’t be the one to fix her. She is caught up in a spell. Her love hangover has her doubting herself, hiding in shame, and constantly replaying in her mind the lies and disappointments. It takes time to heal and gain a new perspective and insight about yourself from being betrayed and/or abused. Taking back your power, joy, value, and your true identity is a process. You can’t change the experience from your past but you can learn to live in the now. You can learn to change the emotion attached the experience. You can smile again. You can see yourself through a lens of compassion, worthiness, victorious, beautiful, smart, strong, and resilient.
You can go without oxgen for 3 minutes. You can go without water for 3 days. You can go without food for 3 weeks. But every waking moment you are thinking, feeling, and choosing all day. Your thoughts and imagination can be digging you deeper into a pit of despair, self-pity, shame, depression, hopelessness, and low self-esteem. Once you start recognizing your train of thoughts, habits, and behaviors … you can begin to observe and redirect your thoughts to create a new narrative. Positive affirmations are good…but not enough to create lasting change. Talk therapy, meditation, healthy food choices, some form of creativity, journaling, reading, and associating with people who can help you grow are prescriptions for your mental and emotional wellness. As a counselor/life coach, I have been supporting so many women on their journey of reclaiming their personal power and breaking generational patterns of abuse, neglect, secrets, shame, guilt, depression, dysfunction, and emotional thugs.
I talk to many people who are seriously committed to their physical fitness (e.g. the gym, counting calories, running, walking, etc.). Just know for sure, It’s also important to gain mental and emotional fitness. This is especially critical in these times as stress factors like racism, violence, increase in care giving for the elderly, and the disruption of lives and livelihood from the pandemic are happening.
My strengths in offering life coaching are from my experience as a wife, mother, grandmother, author, entrepreneur, women’s retreat leader, my studies in psychology, and being seasoned international conference speaker.
I focus on self-esteem issues, relationships, pursuing your purpose, overcoming strongholds of procrastination, fear, shame, anger, grief, and past trauma.
The sessions are by phone or video conferencing. I offer you a fresh perspective, encouragement, clarity, wisdom, non-judgment and a call to action towards your peace, self-worth, purpose and goals. My purpose is to help you build up your faith, confidence, focus, and take steps for what you want to achieve. I accomplish this by helping YOU discover what coping skills, limiting beliefs, emotional masks, or sabotaging habits you have which are hindering your growth and happiness.
Feel free to call me to ask specific questions, 323.964.1736.
I can facilitate your session with me by phone or Zoom. Listen to my recent podcast conversation with a young lady who grew up with abusive, neglectful, and alcoholic parents, a mother with mental illness, and moved over 20 times. Her youth was very disruptive, unstable, and traumatic. She shares in this podcast how she made a choice to break out of the cycle and benefited from learning from my sessions, conferences, books, counseling, and mentoring.click here
To view a list of over 100 of my podcasts to help GROW your mind click here
God has been “growing” my mind. I have been learning some rough and beautiful life lessons.
I love being a woman on the grow! I am learning to reflect on my past with “Kindsight”, to be compassionate, real, and patient with myself.
Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with those areas in your life where you need to grow.
Don’t ever wander so far away from your true self just to get close to someone else.
A SHIP is designed to take you places. So if your friendSHIP, partnerSHIP, or relationSHIP isn’t taking you anywhere positive and helpful…think…is it time to abandon SHIP?
Some people like to stay busy and distracted or stay in a blame/victim mentality instead of sitting still to reflect, sit with their pain, and heal. Once you are courageous enough to live with the reality of your pain, loss, setback, heartache, regrets, or disappointments, and patterns … you will be in a position to walk the emotional path of acceptance, healing, renewal, and restoration of self-worth and faith.
Too often I hear people saying they are fighting their demons when the reality is they’re fighting and resisting the consequences of their choices.
Could it be life is inviting you to build spiritual stamina, mental health, and emotional wellness?
Until YOU heal…you will be toxic to anyone who tries to hire you, collaborate with you, befriend you, or love you.
Are you willing to examine your thoughts, patterns, relationships, choices, and emotional capacity to cope with stress?
Positive thinking and faith do not work unless you understand the roots of your beliefs and behaviors. You can’t ignore your past conditioning, experiences, trauma, fantasies, expectations, and cultural programming. Once you accept your shadow self and all the many versions of YOU, your AWARENESS becomes your superpower to begin transforming your life.
For that someone who has the courage to speak up, armor up, and NOT return to that person or habit which is your “Egypt” (a place of bondage, i.e. addiction, shame, anger, dishonesty, debt, pride, abuse, self-harm, family secrets, or a dysfunctional relationship)… I encourage you to keep walking into your place of promise, freedom, and peace. Stay in the light. Getting help can help you overcome the darkness and break unhealthy patterns.
call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com to reserve your one-on-one video conference with Jewel Diamond Taylor, aka The Self-esteem Dr.
Jewel Diamond Taylor’s Speaking Calendar
March 21 – She is Well Book Launch and Virtual Summit (Maryland)
CALLER: Jewel I am used to giving and showing up for others but I find it difficult to let others in and see my hurts.
JEWEL: Unfortunately, many women like you are used to being the giver and ignoring their own needs. How are you feeling? What shall we focus on today?
CALLER: I feel like I am not enough in so many areas in my life.
JEWEL: Did something happen to you recently or in your past that caused you to feel this way?
CALLER: When I was a child I was sexually molested. I told my mother but she didn’t believe me. I was dismissed.
JEWEL: No wonder you feel invisible and lack trust in others. Your inner child adapted to her trauma, betrayal, and feeling unheard by shutting down and not feel worthy of asking for help…especially when you felt unprotected by the main person you thought would help you and she didn’t. So why would you expect total strangers to help you?
CALLER: I tried so many ways to earn her love and they never seemed to be enough. I have college degrees and other achievements and I still felt like I was never good enough. She was a drama queen and my siblings and I were like a stage for her performances. Later as an adult, she did apologize for not being the best parent when I was a child. I do forgive her.
JEWEL: In spite of your “gold stars” you became a people pleaser and silent sufferer. You buried your hurts alive and now they are surfacing because you need to transform your thinking and re-parent yourself. You’re not alone in becoming an adult craving your mother’s love and attention to no avail. As you pour your time, money, energy, achievements, hopes, and tears into someone who is also hurting, it is like pouring into a bucket that has a hole. You can never do enough to fill or satisfy her. Many of us suffer from multigenerational patterns of abuse, neglect, secrets, separation anxiety, etc. It didn’t start with you. It started with your mother, her mother, and her mother and so on. We have some work to do and I am grateful and honored you trust me, my experience, and my dedication to empower my sisters.
To reserve your one-on-one time with Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr.
QUESTION: Why do you emphasize teaching emotional health in your talks, books, and coaching/counseling?
ANSWER:Many triggers that are not understood or healed sets off an old memory. These triggers can sabotage your relationships, job, marriage, goals, maturity, peace of mind, and create addictions. We have a tape of everything and anything in our brain that has ever happened to us. Triggers can cause a flashback of a time that was traumatic for you. Often these flashbacks are induced by your five senses. When this happens, it takes us back to a time when we first felt upset. One of my main triggers that I am aware of, developed when I was 7 years old when my mother left my father and moved our family from my birthplace in Washington DC on Otis Street to Magnolia Street in Compton, CA. The trauma of separation and seeing the very intense drama of crying, screaming, and arguing unfold and seeing the emotional pain of my father separated from his wife and children is something that still triggers me in many ways. That experience ended my childhood of playfulness. I became an “adult child” unknowingly taking on the responsibility of the peacemaker, rescuer, fixer, and nurturer. That experience is an implicit and strong memory. I am triggered when I see others in pain. This trigger, on one hand, taught me compassion for others and on the other hand, I have learned that I can’t always help and respond to everyone’s pain. The awareness of my trigger helps me to have a healthy balance. You may have an unconscious memory (eg. divorce, abuse, rape, poverty, job harassment, fight, loss of a loved one, prison, military, foreclosure, car accident, parents addiction, embarrassment, shame, childhood neglect) that triggers you and you don’t understand why certain people, things, voices, smells, or sounds set you off or cause you to withdraw, act out, drink, eat, escape, shop, argue, or rebel. Unresolved trauma can stunt your growth, peace, and emotional/mental stability. My books, keynotes, and counseling/coaching style help my clients/audiences to connect the dots between their triggers, behaviors, beliefs, habits, choices, past trauma, environment, programming from family/culture/society, expectations, and results.
Linda has always been the unofficial care giver in any relationship. It’s always been about the other person.
She has continually put her own needs last. She neglects her own appearance, and self-care, turns down invitations for social activities and feels she has no voice or power to make decisions. Linda never gained her own voice to say “no” or ask for help.
Growing up, her mother was a cruel narcissist who had no warmth or interest in Linda, Her father died when she was young. When Linda was eighteen her mother became ill and Linda was the primary care giver. She has older siblings but they didn’t help or visit.
Linda cared exclusively for her mother which blocked her from developing and living her best life. Her mother died when Linda was thirty-five, and Linda lived on in the same house until she had to sell it as her mother hadn’t left a will. She had spent her life caring for her mother whose self-absorption didn’t include any consideration of Linda’s own needs.
She knows she neglects and isolates herself. She barely knows how to ask for help. She feels she has wasted her life and doesn’t know how to start living. Linda lives with shame and guilt and doesn’t find it easy to make new friends. Linda feels she is “stupid, helpless, useless, and unworthy” when she is around other people.
Linda developed low self-esteem and lacked physical or emotional boundaries to protect and honor her peace and value. Her mother’s fits, of anger and rage, unpredictable mood swings, silent treatments, insults, neediness, and narcissistic ways shaped Linda’s emotional mondswt. Nothing was ever about Linda… so she believed she was nothing. Linda has been conditioned through the repeated emotions of shame and guilt to feel that any self-promotion or self-care, opinions, or desires were conceited and showing off. She was put down a lot as a child and emotionally she has confused success with conceit.
As the Self-esteem Dr., I guide my coaching/counseling clients on ways to check their own “emotional temperature.” Why? Because people and environments can cause you to experience;
. heart palpitations
. head aches
. stomach aches
. digestion flare ups
. no eating
. sleep deprivation
. Anxiety spells
. depression and isolation
. excessive drinking, cutting, eating
. super driven high achiever
The spectrum of abuse from; parents, lovers, spouses, children, friends, and authority figures can be from mild to severe, subtle or mean, manipulative and charming.
These are some of my prescriptions to gain emotional freedom, peace, and emotional well-being…
Journaling: write about how you’re feeling
Meditation: some quiet time and reflection helps us listen to ourselves
Prayer seeking guidance, comfort, and strengthening your faith
Reflection: looking back can help you plan ahead. What have you learned about yourself?
Questioning: ask yourself what you need more or less of.
Seek counseling and/or seek out a trusted friend to talk and express your feelings, learn how to establish boundaries and self-worth to believe you can have a life beyond your present circumstances.
Deep breathing exercises
Be proactive and schedule time for self and keep your commitment
Creativity: draw, paint, crafts, listen to music – something that frees your mind