3 Things That Can Really Mess Your Life Up

I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.

I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.

We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future..

There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.

I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.

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The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)

The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)

The thirdThe regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.

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~ Proverbs 15:13

written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736

email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions

Valuable and effective coaching and/or counseling

Image may contain: 1 person, smilingDepression thrives on fear and hopelessness. If your brain is worn out by thinking about stress, anxiety, doom, shame and “what if”…your brain gets exhaustion from the rumination and lack of good sleep. When your brain is flooded with stress hormones, it is difficult for your brain to see new perspectives, possibilities and hope.  Shame and low self-esteem thrive on silence, secrecy, judgment and isolation which is the perfect breeding ground for addictions.

As a life coach I help others to find creative ways to get unstuck and calm their thinking and reframe their identity from shame to hope to healing to resiliency.

Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one time with Jewel Diamond Taylor or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

 

Yes, it can be difficult…but don’t drop out of life

“Fear, pain and setbacks can be paralyzing, traumatizing and terrorizing.  Life isn’t always easy.  Parenting, marriage, care giving, paying your bills, living with abuse, financial stress, dysfunctional families, illness, operating your business/ministry, loneliness, grief, betrayal, an unfulfilling job, college, or poverty aren’t easy.

Some people drop out of life and drop into addiction, depression, despair, crime, toxic relationships, self-loathing or anger.  Some people haven’t learned how to cope and overcome their troubled childhood, abuse, poverty, family secrets, past setbacks or personal pain.  So they defend themselves from the pain by learning some very counterproductive behavior … procrastinating, isolating, depression, addictions, lying, silence, withdrawal, victimization, extreme joking/humor, fantasy, disconnecting, extreme busyness minimize or rationalize their pain or abuser’s behavior.  Depression causes thinking in all-or-nothing extremes which  makes depressed ones resistant to new thoughts, support and change.  Depression is closely rated to low self-esteem, which hinders a depressed person from seeing their worth and possibilities.  Unfortunately, many people who have been burned out, hurt, and traumatized learn to; not feel, not trust, not talk and pretend nothing is happening.

When you go through a terrible experience in your life, you decide what it means. You can say it is unfair, horrible and you identify yourself as a victim, loser, unlovable or a failure.  Or you can say it was a life lesson. You can perceive it as a permanent or temporary inconvenience.  You determine whether you will live with blame, shame, grudges or peace.  The story you tell yourself will either limit and define you as a victim.  Or your story will be about overcoming, healing, moving forward, forgiveness, creating a new normal, faith, courage, perseverance and resiliency.

As the Self-esteem Dr./Life Coach for women, I provide an emotional safe place to help women come out of their psychological safe hiding place to feel, deal and heal their emotions that are sabotaging their relationships, success, happiness, health, peace and purpose.
My prayer for you today is that you will find a mustard seed of faith and hope to believe you can make it through your wilderness.  Don’t let your past or setbacks define, discourage, defeat, deter, distract or destroy you.  My prayer for you is Numbers 6:24-26.”  Call me 323.964.1736 or email me JewelMotivates@gmail.com to schedule a one-on-one life coaching/counseling session with me.

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Living through the seasons called “hard, scary and painful”

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Am I ready to retire? Should I move to another city? Should I stay at this unfulfilling job or stay in this abusive relationship? Should I travel? Should I stop allowing my friend to disrespect me? Should I write my book? Should I keep loaning money to people? Should I take that class? Should I trust and date again after such a painful divorce? Should I leave my church where I am no longer growing?” Should I start my own business? Should I forgive and let go? Should I move to a new city? There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called “life”. When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud. But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, if I live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).
For some people, their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smoothes itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years. For me, it is the reverse. My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life. I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal. I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill. I’m learning to live with the mystery of life. I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence. I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”
Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God. Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.
One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe.  I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.malibu-circle

The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm.  She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.

I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame.

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5 Reasons Why People Stay Stuck

unhappy-couple5 reasons why you may be stuck in a toxic, abusive, unhappy or unequally yoked relationship or career position;
1) You don’t feel worthy. You feel you deserve bad treatment as your punishment for your past poor judgement, mistakes, or secrets sins…so you tolerate pain, unhappiness and bad behavior.
2) You never saw a “good relationship model” before to show you that you don’t have to live in pain, limitation or fear. You take on the role of a “fixer”, “victim”, “rescuer” or “doormat” or the “silent sufferer.”
3) You gain some type of emotional benefit by living as a victim.
4) You were programmed and told as a child that you were no good, ugly, unwanted, too much to handle, too bad, etc. So you don’t feel worthy of love or happiness.
5) You were never exposed to the knowledge, experiences, tools, support or relationships that can empower you to break the chains of fear, abuse, procrastination and low self-esteem.
The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, Life Coach, Author, Conference Keynote Speaker
323.964.1736