3 Things That Can Really Mess Your Life Up

I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.

I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.

We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future..

There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.

I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.

regrets

The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)

The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)

The thirdThe regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.

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~ Proverbs 15:13

written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736

email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions

Jewel’s Audio Podcasts

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Listen to “Guard Your Heart”

Listen to “The Cause of Your Suffering”

 

 

RelationSHIFT or Job SHIFT

    Comfort seekers, peace makers and conflict avoiders won’t express their true feelings when someone hurts you or betrays you. You’re afraid of the rejection you might receive if you honestly express your emotions and therefore don’t assert yourself.  This often leads to depression, passive aggressive, self-destructive behavior and being an easy target for manipulation from others. A passive aggressive person is one who finds other means and ways to express his feelings and thoughts indirectly so as to hide the real feelings and thoughts. Usually the term is linked with feelings of piled up anger, but in a broader sense it refers to a person not being capable to be honest about his desires and emotions (passivity), and as a result they retaliate in frustration of not being able to be truthful (aggression).

 RELATIONSHIFT

    If you cannot cope with your feelings and develop your voice regarding your relationSHIFT, jealousy, neglect, arguments, addictions,  in-laws, blended family issues, finances, unhappiness, dishonesty in your marriage… passive aggressiveness can manifest  (i.e. cheating affairs, burning dinner, lying, forgetfulness, pouting, sleeping in separate rooms, talking against your mate to your children, friends, co-workers or parents, silent treatments, no intimacy, no sex, sabotaging vacations, over working and busyness to stay away from home, sickness, depression, helplessness, neglecting home cleaning, clutter, excessive shopping or excessive eating, neglecting your appearance, acting like a victim, separate friends and activities).
    Because the passive-aggressive doesn’t think they have many tools or self-worth to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, they rely on old patterns or what they saw parents or siblings or friends do in their relationships. When I began to honestly recognize my triggers of avoiding conflict, I had to admit I became a silent sufferer, procrastinator, a peacemaker, comfort seeker and conflict avoider. 

   I learned as a child and wife to repress, deny and ignore my true thoughts and feelings. When my mother died from breast cancer, I didn’t cope well emotionally or spiritually.  That big SHIFT in our family rocked my world.  I was afraid to express and feel my sadness and pain.

     In the past when my husband and I had conflict or I felt unhappy and powerless, I wasn’t in touch with my anger. There were many SHIFTS in our marriage. By the time our oldest son died from cancer I had learned not to suppress my sadness. I believe I coped with the loss of our son (SHIFT) much better than when my mother transitioned. It still hurts but I have learned to give myself permission to talk about, grieve and take care of myself.

JOB SHIFT

If you cannot cope with your emotions and SHIFT about your job … passive aggressiveness can show up (i.e. being late, gossip, severe absenteeism, slow productivity, long lunches, stealing, talking about co-workers or your boss behind their backs).

     Anger and sadness are emotions that tell us when something is wrong, it can help you in terms of getting you to focus, pray, speak up, distance yourself from the boundary bullies, evaluate your values, needs and priorities, take care and honor yourself, identify your purpose and goals and strengthen your relationships and connections with God and others around you. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak… but believe me… ignoring them does.  This blog is an excerpt from my book “SHIFT HAPPENS”.  Order yours today and I will send your autographed copy to you to add to your personal library/ tool box.

e-Book “Shift Happens”

$11.99

There is no “APP” to download this …

 Even though our society enjoys the benefits of technology, fast food, Amazon, Netflix, emails, smartphones and same day dry cleaning…these conveniences have affected our ability to be patient.  We live expecting, craving and even demanding instant gratification. There is no APP in the digital world to replace the long process of building relationships or building your business, ministry or friendships.  There are no shortcuts.

     We want to; lose weight instantly, be promoted instantly, fall in love instantly, receive the hits and “likes” on our Instagram, twitter or facebook posts. etc. There is a process to become; sober, graduate from college, parent your children, develop your confidence, build trust in friendship, mature in your marriage, recover and heal from loss, or have your book to become a best seller.
Be aware of the two demons that can kill your self-worth, patience, faith, and endurance.   Craving instant gratification and comparing yourself to others on social media, at church, on your job or what you see on TV has caused an increase of people and youth being easily bored, depressed and addicted to substances to numb their pain.​  You need faith, time, patience, stamina and coping skills to achieve your goals.​
Do not believe the things you tell yourself when you are sad or alone.  When you are frustrated and impatient what kind of temptation is knocking on your door (e.g. give up, emotional eating/spending, gambling, deceit/cheat, drugs/alcohol, shut down, disconnect, procrastination)​?​
​       ​If you’re always tired, hungry, lonely, mad, sad, rushed, stuck, scattered, depressed or stressed, you’ll increase the likelihood of giving into temptation. Be careful of the “what-the-hell attitude.” It’s a slippery slope that leads to disaster.
You were born to succeed and overcome those tricks, traps and emotional triggers.
Simply knowing you have to be accountable for your actions keeps you focused on a habit change.  Regularly communicate with someone who shares a similar desire to make a lasting change.

Find an accountability partner or life coach. Call me 323.964.1736 or email me JewelMotivates@gmail.com​ for a coaching/counseling session with me.​

~ Jewel Diamond Taylor,  keynote speaker, author, life coach, emotional wellness educator, http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net

Valuable and effective coaching and/or counseling

Image may contain: 1 person, smilingDepression thrives on fear and hopelessness. If your brain is worn out by thinking about stress, anxiety, doom, shame and “what if”…your brain gets exhaustion from the rumination and lack of good sleep. When your brain is flooded with stress hormones, it is difficult for your brain to see new perspectives, possibilities and hope.  Shame and low self-esteem thrive on silence, secrecy, judgment and isolation which is the perfect breeding ground for addictions.

As a life coach I help others to find creative ways to get unstuck and calm their thinking and reframe their identity from shame to hope to healing to resiliency.

Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one time with Jewel Diamond Taylor or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com

 

excerpt from Jewel’s book “Shift Happens.”

book-cover-shift-happens-2   excerpt from Jewel’s book “Shift Happens.”
     “You have some priorities and tasks that need your attention and action.  Distractions and doubt are so destructive to your peace and progress.
     Focus, focus, focus!  Even when SHIFT happens…adapt and be flexible…don’t give up.  Let nothing or no one catch you off guard, throw you off balance, change your mind, discourage your drive, diminish your faith or cause you to second guess yourself.
     You are a success magnet.  You are a champion.  You are a winner.  You are a believer and achiever.  You finish what you start.  You keep your promises and commitments.
     You are divinely guided and provided for in all things.  The main thing for you to do is to …keep the main thing…the MAIN thing.  You will reap rewards and payoff from your focus today.  You will experience so much relief and progress because you are focused.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor

Great Tips from a Recovering Procrastinator

jewel-colorful-topI am Jewel Diamond Taylor.  I am a recovering procrastinator.

Sadly, I admit I have lost money, time, opportunities, sleep and peace of mind from the terrible habit of avoiding important tasks.  I am not totally recovered.  However, gladly, I have seen so much progress and gained some self-respect, effectiveness, progress and peace of mind because of these following practices I put into place to break old habits.

To increase my daily success of achieving my tasks.  I have to psyche myself out because I know the words, habits and thoughts in my head that block and sabotage my progress which causes me to avoid tasks and eventually pay the consequences.   So instead of having a “to do” list…I have a “things to finish” list.  When I hear “to do” it sounds to wide open and vague.   “Things to finish” is my kick in the behind to not only do something…but finish my task.   I have learned that my self-talk changes how I do things.  Since I read my emails daily…all day…I send myself an email with the subject line “To finish“.

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I don’t have several pieces of paper with lists that eventually end up being lost.
I only have one place which insures that I will SEE it and get it done.
I don’t put tasks on my list that I normally would do anyway.
I add those things that I want to avoid or seem difficult.
I am learning to stop the habit of putting my self into a last minute crisis and panic attack which was self-induced.
I keep the consequences of avoiding important tasks in my mind instead of being in denial or hoping someone else will do it for me.  I take responsibility for the quality of life and peace of mind that I gain when I finish my tasks.
I keep a short list so my day won’t feel so overwhelming.
I have learned to delegate, dump the low priority items and finish the high priority items to keep my stress down.
I have given up being a perfectionist…shift happens.
I don’t over commit.  I have boundaries and review my list often for short term and long term goals so I can keep the main thing…THE MAIN THING!
I say “no” without feeling guilty to unrealistic demands of my time.
Distractions and excuses keeps me ineffective and stressed so I have learned to notice when my mind tries to justify not doing the task or I hear the whispers “Do it tomorrow.”
I am eating better and walking daily which gives me
strength and stamina for the day.
I pray for discernment, guidance, courage and wisdom.
I am determined to keep growing, get better and develop the discipline of an
achiever, leader and finisher.  How about you? ~
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