ReEvaluate Your Relationships

evaluateYou know it’s time re-evaluate and sometimes separate from people in your life…

 . When the people around you question your assignment and they are jealous, insecure, instigate drama and can’t celebrate your success.

 . When the people around you shake your ladder of success instead of holding it for you.

. When they blow things out of proportion, exaggerate and dramatize every situation.

 .  When your friends become territorial and jealous of your mate, children, friends or your personal drive for success.

. When you have a “high maintenance” friendship (e.g. too needy, requires too much time, attention, compliments and reassurance because they are easily offended, they have no boundaries, they need you to co-sign all of their drama, gossip and poor decisions.)

 . When they smile in your face while trying to take your place.

. If they rather talk about your past instead of your possibilities.

. When they help you decorate for your pity party instead of encouraging you to get up.

. When their drama filled/toxic relationship is influencing your marriage/relationship.

.  When small thinking people try to speak fear into your big faith.

. When they think like a chicken and stay on the ground floor but you think like an eagle and you are ready to soar.  It’s time to re-evaluate or separate from people they don’t want to see you fly and try to pull you down from the sky.

 Your associations determine your destination.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net

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Who gets your…

“Who gets your time, energy, support and talent? Who do you talk to about your dreams and goals? If the people around you question your assignment, jealous, insecure, instigate drama and can’t celebrate your success…upgrade! If the people around you shake your ladder of success instead of holding it for you…upgrade!

If they smile in your face while trying to take your place…upgrade! If their words don’t align with their actions…upgrade! If they rather talk about your past instead of your possibilities…upgrade! If they help you decorate for your pity party instead of encouraging you to get up…its time to upgrade.

If their drama filled/toxic relationship is influencing your marriage/relationship…its time to upgrade! If small thinking people try to speak fear into your big faith…its time to upgrade!

If they think like a chicken and stay on the ground floor but you think like an eagle ready to soar…its time to upgrade! Your associations determine your destination.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net. e-mail Jewel@DoNotGiveUp.net, 323.964.1736

Confessions from a Wife

confessions from a wifeIn the earlier days of my marriage I focused more on my husband’s flaws. My parents divorced when I was seven(7) years old. My mother’s second marriage was troubled also so I never had a real model of how a husband should take care of his wife. My Mother, Grandmother and significant mentors that could teach me how to grow as a wise wife and mother passed away early in my marriage. As a younger wife I didn’t realize the inner qualities were so much more important than the looks, sweet talk, hot sex, gifts, etc.  My husband John has proven to me how a real husband should treat his wife. Once I stopped focusing on the flaws, I began to see how favored I am to have a husband who is stable, honest, unselfish, dependable and always has my back.  I’m thankful to God for showing me how I needed to change me instead of trying to change him.  He is not perfect and neither am I.  We both made our share of mistakes.  But I’m so grateful I really “see” his character. He never complains. He loves our sons. He doesn’t easily stress or worry. I’ve seen the good, bad and the ugly in men. I’ve seen the unfaithful, the lazy, the selfish, the prayer and the player, the deceiver, the hard worker, the provider, the priest, the protector, the immature and my awesome family that I love so muchthe mature all around me.  I thank God that my heart and eyes see his character and the treasure I have in my husband. He doesn’t like too much attention or accolades. But I feel so compelled after seeing him tirelessly press, provide, care, sacrifice, serve and believe in me and my sons day after day, year after year (43), without complaining or hesitation. In spite of my mistakes and lack of understanding, wisdom and wife-mentoring, I can truly say, “God has smiled on me and our marriage to see better days.

I now choose peace instead seeking a perfect marriage.  It took too long for me to figure out his love language and let go of my unrealistic fantasies informed by movies, TV, magazines and the music from the Whispers, Jeffrey Osborne, Will Downing, etc. God’s grace, provision, guidance and redemptive love is reflecting in our REALationship. It’s a REALationship where we are both secure without games, mistrust, foolishness or selfishness.  In sickness and health, for richer or poorer…John has shown me how a REAL man treats his wife and family.  Because I learned to pursue my purpose and have such wonderful sisterfriends in my life, it takes the pressure off him having to make me feel complete.  That’s my job.”

Ladies I counsel and coach so many women who pass over the “good ones” because they are seeking the ones with the swag, good looks, shiny cars, big wallets, position, titles, power and sweet talk. Take it from me…don’t miss your good thing by only looking at the external and overlooking his character. So many women will settle for the one who will show them a good time in bed, in Vegas, at the club, or concert but he is not there for them when the holidays or hard times happen. This kind of man reminds me of Cherelle’s popular song…he just wants to be your “Saturday Love , never on Sunday, Monday’s too soon, Tuesday and Wednesday just won’t do, Thursday and Friday, we can begin.

If you can’t find him…if he doesn’t answer the phone…if he is abusive emotionally or physically…if he doesn’t come home…if he is selfish…if he doesn’t respect you and your children…STOP in the name of love. I see far too many women lacking in their self-esteem, relationship IQ, patience, faith and wisdom.

Now I play the role of elder and mentor to women because I believe in being transparent, available, honest and dedicated to empower other women to avoid some of the choices I made and learn how to love smart with their heart. ~ The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author of “Follow Your Heart But Take Your Brain With You”www.DoNotGiveUp.net

 

Relationship Tips

RelationSHIP steps

1. No two people are the same. Disagreements happen on a mental level.  Disapproval of your mate’s appearance, choices, work, faith and values happens on an emotional level.  Disagreements are to be expected, but constant disapproval of your mate does more damage to your relationship. Harsh words can hurt more than physical pain.  Taste your own words before you spit them out.  Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak.  And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.  Disagreements will happen in any relationship, just remember disapproval with your nasty words, attitude, physical harm, silence or rejection can create deep wounds that never heal.

2. There are so many claims for your attention and time (e.g. TVs in each room, technology, work, church, school and meetings).  Families that pray, talk, share and connect together on a regular basis, especially around the dinner table, have a better success rate for happiness and longevity.

3. Wouldn’t you rather come home to a castle…rather than a hassle?  Do you want peace or to be right.  Choose your battles wisely.

4.  When relationships are new, generally speaking…men tend to rush into physical intimacy.  Women tend to rush into emotional intimacy.  Men think connection is sex.  Women think connection happens from talking.

5.  If you both agree on three books, you can reduce problems.  They are the check book (financial harmony, goals, habits), cook book (sharing meals, talking, preparing meals for each other) and the Good Book (praying together and for each other, spiritual growth, study, maturing in God’s word together).

6.  Women experience hurt more than anger.  It’s healthy for women to learn how to express and own their feelings to avoid depression.  Men are taught to master work, wealth, war, and women.  Men are socially taught to exercise power and to refuse to surrender.  Men are socialized to be silent and would probably have a heart attack before talking about a broken heart.  The average man is socialized to deny, defending against and control his emotions.

7.  Every relationship has a decision-making style.  Poor communication in a relationship is a major cause for breakdowns and divorce.

  1. Supportive – let’s talk, we’ll decide
  2. Coaching – let’s talk, I’ll decide
  3. Delegating – you decide
  4. Controlling – I’ll decide

Relationship status 1~ by Jewel Diamond Taylor, www.DoNotGiveUp.net

Do you have a man or a dog?

excerpt from my book “Love Smart with Your Heart” by Jewel Diamond Taylor

Yes, there are good, mature, loving, caring, responsible and faithful men.  This book is NOT male bashing.  This message helps women to discern bad behavior.  This message helps women to avoid stepping into a dog mess.  This message helps women to guard their heart.  This message helps women to understand how men and women are wired differently.  This message helps women to love smart and build a healthy self-esteem.

Yes, one of the great traits of dogs is that they are loyal.  Yet there are untamed, bad tempered and aggressive dogs that exhibit behavior you should be warned about.  There are some dogs that are too friendly with strangers and will go to anybody.  Some dogs have fleas that you can’t see.  Some dogs bark too much.  Some dogs just want to sleep all day and stay in the house.  Some dogs are good watch dogs and want to protect you.  Some dogs will bite you for no reason.  Many dogs make loyal and comforting companions and love you unconditionally.  And there are those men who are players for life…unfaithful roamers who justify their bad boy behavior by saying…”It’s just the dog in me…chasing the cat.”

Who let the dogs out?@!

A “player” and a “dog” know what to say and how to say it with charm to get what they want.

A dog is nicest when they want to be fed, they wag their tail.

After you give a man what he wants, without consideration for your own needs, values and lifestyles… you are setting  yourself up to be used and mistreated.

Dogs only go where they are fed.    Maintain your self-respect and self-esteem.  If you keep answering the phone and opening the door to your bedroom even though you are being mistreated… you are opening your heart and spirit to trouble, pain, more disrespect and abuse.

Once you stop feeding a stray dog, they stop coming around.

Unless he’s a puppy… have him tested, you don’t know where he’s been.

Don’t handle aggression with aggression.

Compliment good behavior. (good boy)

Understand that men are territorial.

Dogs are territorial.

Puppy love fades – they pant and beg when they don’t get what they want.

If he spends most of his time playing games (i.e. video, play station, sports)…you got a boy…not a man.

If his eyes still roam and he can’t resist flirting with other women or won’t delete the phone numbers from past relationships…he still wants to play…not stay.

Seek respect first.  Love takes time.

Observe family members and friends of your mate because they influence and shape their personality and lifestyle.

Some things dogs do just aren’t cute.  If you are cleaning up after his mess all the time. You don’t have a mature man.  If his pants are drooping like a diaper and he calls his place a “crib”, you’ve got a baby…not a man.

Read more in e-book/PDF format – click here for your copy only $9.99

No, I want to have the book sent to my home.  OK click here to have the book mailed to you $15.99 

Help for a Broken Heart

I’m smart in some areas of my life, but I was in the slow class of learning how to love smart with my heart.  I wasn’t alone in this class.  Many women are smart on their jobs, in college, operating their businesses, juggling schedules to care for children, aging parents, job, class, hair appointments and fitness classes.  But these same women have secretly mourned lost loves, they have; given away love, denied love, shared love, tried to buy love, been betrayed by love, got bankrupted and hurt by love.  Many were on a one-way street of love.  Many ignored the flashing red and yellow lights.  Many put their life on hold for years living with false hopes on holidays and weekends.  My slow learning classmates will tell you they were obsessed or depressed by love.  They will tell you how his “bad boy” risky behavior put her life in danger.  They will tell you how they sacrificed for their man; in prison, in a long distance relationship, the one who promised he “would get it together” or he convinced her was leaving his wife.  They will tell you they were caught by surprise when the romance stopped and mistreatment started. Many will say they chose to live in denial instead of living with truth. They will tell you they stayed in a loveless or abusive marriage.  They will tell you they were martyrs for their children or afraid of being alone so they put their heart on the “for sale” rack or even the “the clearance rack” rather than be alone. They will tell you they put their man on a pedestal and idolize him forsaking God, family and priorities for her self-presevation and peace of mind.  They will tell you took financial hits, emotional hits and physical hits from his hand instead being cherished with his heart.  They will tell you how they betrayed themselves by diminishing and dishonoring their own desires, worth, goals, virtue, time, body, heart and soul.  They will tell you how they suffered in silence as their crown of worthiness fell to the floor.  They will tell you they were not smart with their hearts.  Read “Love Smart with the Heart” in e-book/PDF format only $9.99 click here to order your copy now    If you want the book mailed to you, click here