Did You Know This About Relationships?

  1. If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy.
  2. Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for other women because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.
  3. Sometimes rejection is God’s protection.  Guard your heart.  Protect your heart from futile, abusive, neglectful, dishonest, immature, unequally yoked relationships void of God, respect, mutual goals and values.  Heal your heart.
  4. When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.
  5. If your mate falls asleep and you feel the need to look through their phone to see who has been calling/texting… if you look on their Facebook page to see who their friends are…if you look through their wallet for phone numbers or condoms…look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Why am I in this relationship if I can’t trust him (her)?
  6. Real men never stop trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.
  7. Sometimes you’re not meant to make up after a breakup…it could be your wake upcall to show you that you are not meant to be a couple.
  8. The only three things a guy should want change to about his girl is her last name, address, and her viewpoint on men.
  9. Stop going back to the one who brings you more pain than happiness. It’s not worth it to continue to invest your feelings into somebody unworthy of your love.
  10. When you get in a fight with her and she starts crying, just stop and hold her.
  11. When a girl says, ‘I’m done’, it really means ‘fight for me’.
  12. Love when you’re ready… not when you’re lonely.
  13. There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page or just closing the book.
  14. Every woman’s heart has different instructions. They’re written through her eyes, in her smile, through her actions and in her tears. She just has to find someone who cares enough to read them.
  15. Whether the man in your life is a friend, lover or husband, men like women who like themselves.  Women who have a very low self-esteem are dangerous.  Men think they are hysterical, stalkers, whiners, weak, clingy and needy.
  16. Find someone that isn’t afraid to admit they miss you. Someone that knows you’re not perfect but treats you as if you are. Someone who couldn’t imagine losing you. Someone who gives their heart to you completely. Someone who says I love you and proves it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up to you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and grey hair but still falls in love with you all over again…
  17. Marriage is a ministry and covenant.  You both come into the marriage with baggage and wounds.  Pray for the strength, courage, forgiveness, wisdom, sense of humor, compassion and faith to help unpack each other’s baggage.
  18. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
  19. Choose the guy that takes you to meet his parents and not his bedroom.
  20. Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
  21. Don’t cry over a guy. Let a guy cry over you, cause girls give and forgive, but guys get and forget.
  22. Don’t let past relationships ruin your future happiness, scars remind us of where we’ve been, not where we are going.
  23. A boy will tell you that he loves you but a real man will show it.
  24. You can’t see your next if you’re too busy looking at your Ex.
  25. A EX should stay an EX. They’re the EXample of false love and an EXplanation for why you deserve better.
  26. If someone constantly makes you unhappy, then you must build up the courage to let that person go. Your memories will always live on, but it’s time to move on.
  27. Don’t take a good woman or man for granted. Someday, someone will come along and appreciate what you didn’t.
  28. Don’t search for a man that will solve all your problems, he won’t. Find one that won’t let you face them alone.
  29. Lust and love can make you blind.  When someone shows you who they are, believe it.  Take off your “pink” sunglasses.  Notice the red flags waving that warn you he or she is not the one.
  30. Follow your heart…but take your brain with you.   If you are attracted to the unavailable, “bad boy”, selfish, controlling or player type, you won’t be with a prayer.  Don’t just ask for a “good man”…seek a God man.
  31. Make your home a castle, not a hassle…and your mate will come home every time.
  32. True love doesn’t mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes.
  33.  Carry yourself like a Queen and you’ll get your King. Carry yourself as a “ho” and see how far you go.
  34. Rushing into emotional or sexual intimacy causes us to fast forward and skip over the real process of building a relationship based on time, dating, communication, trust, asking qualifying questions, honesty, disciplining our hormones, shared values, boundaries and friendship.
  35. Never underestimate a woman’s ability to find things out. It is always better to be honest because whatever you did, she will find out sooner or later. Trust me.
  36. Before you give up, think of the reason why you held on so long.
  37. If you cheat on a woman who is willing to do anything for you, you actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty.
  38. Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.
  39. If you’re having relationship problems, confess to God not Facebook.
  40. If your girlfriend gets jealous it’s because she’s faithful. If another girl has your attention and she doesn’t get jealous, it’s because someone has hers.
  41. Don’t date the most beautiful girl in the world, date the girl who makes your world the most beautiful.
  42. Don’t stress over what could’ve been, chances are if it should’ve been, it would’ve been.
  43. Giving too much to your man can make him too lazy and he loses interest or he will take, take and take.  Why?…because he has gotten used to being the receiver and loses interest in pursuing and providing for you.
  44. It’s better to be slapped by the truth then kissed with a lie.
  45. Once they see that you’re doing better without them, then they decide that they want you back.
  46. A woman tends to center her life around relationships while men tend to center their priorities around work, money, power and status.
  47. If you love someone, you better PROVE it. Because LOVE is not a noun to be defined, but a verb to be acted upon.
  48. If your relationship has more issues than your magazine, you need to cancel your subscription.
  49. When you say ‘I love you’, you are making a promise with someone else’s heart. Try to honor it.
  50. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go.
  51. If your parents were physically or emotionally absent or if you witnessed abuse, neglect, infidelity and reckless sexual behavior, you were NOT provided with good examples to know what healthy love looks like.
  52. Don’t base your relationship decisions off of the advice of people who don’t have to live with the results.
  53. Its time to move on if you aren’t getting as much attention as you desire. there’s nothing worse than feeling lonely in a relationship.
  54. It’s not about being what everyone wants you to be, it’s about being yourself and finding someone who truly loves you for what you are.
  55. Be the one who everyone wants, not the one who everyone’s had.
  56. Forgive someone because you believe they are truly sorry, not just because you want to keep them in your life.
  57. Pride attracts the girl. Courage approaches the girl. Wisdom gets the girl. Strength puts up with the girl, but loyalty keeps the girl.
  58. If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority
  59. When hugging her, lift her off her feet and spin around …she’ll love it.
  60. .Are you one link in a chain of fools?  Are you living with hopeless devotion, waiting and waiting in a one-sided relationship?  Your head probably knows it doesn’t make sense to keep trying, hoping, crying, waiting and wasting your time on someone who can’t return your love.  It’s your heart that needs to see the truth.  Your heart will keep remembering the good times and keep you in denial about the bad times.
  61. Females these days really need to search for a man with goals, faith, integrity and ambition because 10 years from now ‘Swag’ isn’t going to pay your bills.
  62. Sometimes, you end up losing yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.
  63. If he misses you, he’ll call. If he cares, he’ll show it. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his.
  64. Don’t waste your time loving someone who isn’t willing to love you.
  65. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you, a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…seek someone complimentary… not supplementary.Don’t expect to find the right person if you aren’t willing to let the wrong one go.
  66. Don’t be a woman that needs a man, be the woman a man needs.
  67. If you leave someone at least tell them why, because what’s more painful than being abandoned; is knowing you’re not worth an explanation.
  68. Relationships fail because of trust issues, commitment issues and communication issues.
  69. Without respect, love is lost. Without caring, love is boring. Without honesty, love is unhappy. Without trust, love is unstable.
  70. Never tell your friends all of your relationship problems, a relationship should only be between two people.
  71. Constantly comparing your old relationship to your new one is the quickest way to find yourself single again.
  72. When a woman stops crying over you, that means someone else is making her smile.
  73. Flirting is a single person’s way of saying ‘I’m free!’ but for those in relationships, it’s their way of saying ‘I’m bored.’
  74. If someone truly loves you, then they shouldn’t make you feel like you have to constantly fight for their attention.
  75. When women are unconsciously seeking a Daddy, “someone to watch over me, protect me, love me and provide for me.”…she could potentially find herself in desperate situations where she is being controlled and treated like a child instead of a cherished adult.
  76. Just like dogs can smell fear, anyone without virtue will recognize a weak and needy person and take advantage of their vulnerability. Dogs only go where they are fed.    Maintain your self-respect and self-esteem. If you keep answering the phone and opening the door to your bedroom even though you are being mistreated, you are opening your heart and spirit to trouble, pain, more disrespect and abuse.  Once you stop feeding a stray dog, they stop coming around.  Unless he’s a puppy, have him tested, you don’t know where he’s been. Don’t handle aggression with aggression. Always compliment good behavior.  Understand that men are territorial.  Puppy love fades – they pant and beg when they don’t get what they want.  If his pants are drooping like a diaper and he calls his place a “crib”, you’ve got a baby…not a man.  If he spends most of his time playing games (i.e.video, play station, sports)…you got a boy…not a man.  If his eyes still roam and he can’t resist flirting with other women or won’t delete the phone numbers from past relationships…he still wants to play…not stay.
  77. Jealousy in relationships is actually quite normal. A little jealousy is one way of showing how much we love our significant other. On the other hand, however, too much jealousy signifies a lack of trust in our partner and may break a happy union.
  78. Protect her like a daughter, love her like a wife, respect her like your mother.
  79. Sometimes, all a girl wants is for you to fight for her. Make her believe that you may want this relationship more than she does.
  80. Don’t give up on love, because there is always someone who loves you. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for.
  81. If someone sticks by your side through your worst times, then they deserve to be with you through your good times.
  82. The worst way to leave someone is without an explanation.
  83. Don’t be someones down-time, spare-time, part-time or sometime. If they cant be there for you all of the time, then they’re not even worth your time.
  84. There’s no sense in leading a person on if you already know it isn’t going to work out.
  85. Staying with someone who doesn’t appreciate you is like standing in quick sand, slowly sinking in sadness.
  86. If she worries about you, don’t think that it’s annoying because it only means she cares about you. When she stops caring, that’s when you should be worried.
  87. Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want most, is the person you’re best without.
  88. Touch her heart….not her body. Steal her attention…not her virginity. Make her smile….don’t waste her tears.
  89. The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends.
  90. Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.
  91. If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took every ounce of courage in her to say that. Don’t take her for granted.
  92. Read more of these pearls of wisdom about relationships in my e-book
    Love Smart with Your Heart” – click here for your e-book now to be downloaded to your computer or ipad to read.
  93. If you have a good guyfriend, don’t make him pay for the mistakes that other men made.
  94. Don’t give someone all of your time if they’re only gonna give you half of theirs.
  95. If someone does you wrong, keep in mind that everybody makes mistakes. Forgive and forget. No one wants to be around someone who constantly makes them feel guilty.
  96. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
  97. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.
  98. Some people come into your life as blessings and some come into your life as lessons.
  99. You may fall in love with some one’s personality but it’s their character you really live with.
  100. Wonderful, healthy and lasting relationships are possible. Don’t give up.

These pearls of wisdom about relationships are excerpts from the book “Love Smart With Your Heart” by Jewel Diamond Taylor

click here to see list of more articles

No More Toxic “Straw People”

Straw people aren’t good for your life…
They suck out of all your energy and faith. They take a lot out of you and drain you of your joy and enthusiasm.  They are “high maintenance.”

I’m sure you have experienced the negative effect when a straw person is on the phone with you or walks into the room.  They suck out all the air.  They leave you feeling empty, tense, guarded, bad, defeated, doubtful and sometimes even sick.  Straw people can be in your family or you work with them.  Learn how to love them from a distance.  Honor your boundaries to keep out any disrespect, abuse or manipulation.

Recognize when you are surrounded by straw people so you can adapt or take action to maintain your peace, faith, joy and enthusiasm.  Never give someone the power to steal your joy or speak negativity and limitation into your life.  Don’t allow anyone to take your kindness for weakness.

There is a time to be quiet and there is a time to speak up.  There is a time to endure and there is a time to draw the line.  Train people how to treat you by not allowing them to suck out all of your joy, peace, time, bank account, faith, confidence, success or self-esteem.

Make the effort to cultivate relationships which add to your life instead of taking away.  On  my CD I share the major types of “straw people” to avoid.  As you learn to discern who the straw types are in your life…

. you can begin to increase your experiences of peace, success, confidence, self-esteem, joy and faith.

. work, love, communicate and cope with difficult people

. or let go of the people who are toxic

This article is an excerpt from the motivational CD “How to Let Go of the Straw People” by the The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor.

get your copy of this powerful CD, or call 323.964.1736 or e-mail JewelMotivates@gmail.com

Stupid or Smart Love?

Excerpt from the book

 “Love Smart with Your Heart: Desperation is a Terrible Perfume to Wear”   by Jewel Diamond Taylor

Page 50

When the public calls the 911 emergency line, records show that many people are lonely, need attention, have misdiagnosed their pain or overwhelmed with stress.  Yes, there are legitimate calls from trauma and tragedy, but not all calls need intervention.  Some people believe they have an emergency in a situation that does not pose a risk to life, physical health, or property. In these instances, some people feel entitled to an emergency response.

This is a metaphor for life.  Love smart with your heart.  You cannot respond to every emergency call from your family, friends, lover, organization, children, etc.   As you grow in discernment, you will be able to heal from the disease to please others or try to buy their love and time with sexual favors, service or money.  Every time your child, friend, lover or family calls you, remember, not all calls of distress are an emergency or your responsibility to fix.  Some people are immature, irresponsible, co-dependent, playing games, taking advantage, manipulators, lazy, spiritually weak or lack good coping skills.

Are you trying to fix and rescue loved ones while forsaking your own health, worth, time, peace of mind, virtue and self-worth?  Are you looking for love in all the wrong places and faces because your childhood sucked!?

I have counseled many women over the years and have created a name for the profile that I see all too often.  She is the  “911 woman”.  911 women are available anytime to rescue other people, fix people, respond to the needs of other people (i.e. sexual, financial, skills, time, comfort, etc.)   sacrificing their own peace, self-esteem, virtue, money, credit, health, goals, salvation and self-worth.

Women who; had missing Fathers (emotional or physical), had a lousy childhood, abused, covered up bad behavior of alcoholic parents, had troubled or sick family members learn to endure  emotional, physical or mental pain. These women get used to numbing their own feelings and needs.  These women have a high tolerance of pain and neglect.   Feeling powerless, invisible, neglected, ignored, abused, used or acting as the savior, rescuer or punching bag for others becomes their “normal.”  These women tolerate distant and non-nurturing relationships. They become “loyal” to someone who continually disrespects, betrays, ignores or takes advantage of their relationship.  Their alarm system has been broken.  Their view of what love and safety should feel like has been distorted.  They suffer silently and suppress their own needs and values.  They don’t recognize when someone is in real need or when they must step back from creating a co-dependency relationship. These women unfortunately grow up to be “911 women.”

I am a recovering “911 woman”.  While my mother was pregnant with my sister Joy, my mother moved me, my younger sister Jamila and my grandmother from Washington D. C. to California. My father was sad all the time when we would visit him. I took on his pain.  My Mother later remarried a man who was a good provider but he was an alcoholic and very controlling.   My mother was reserved, passive and emotionally distant.  So I took on the role of taking care of my sisters.  I became a “child adult”, very serious and protective.  I learned at an early age emotional adaptive behavior to be the fixer, to cover up the dysfunction, comfort the sad, protect my sisters and numb my own feelings and silence my voice.   My inner child learned the rules of silence, secrets, high tolerance, denial, care giving and enabling to survive in our rigid home.

As a wife and mother of two wonderful sons, I continued my pattern of co-dependency and wanted to be a fixer.  I wanted to smother them with the love I didn’t experience. Allowing my sons to grow up and experience the consequences of their choices and experience the joys of life without responding to every request or emergency has been a real journey of growth for me.  I have learned the hard way that love has to evolve into letting go and being smart about the dangers of enabling, helping and rescuing too much. Learning to value my voice in a house full of testosterone was a challenge for me.  For many years I suffered in silence to avoid arguments.  Questioning my husband’s excessive drinking and lack of communication was something I tolerated instead of confronting.  My voice and confidence was never cultivated.  It was pitiful!  I never saw my mother model healthy self-esteem in her dysfunctional marriage. I wanted to help her and help my father while negating my own maturity and voice.  My subconscious emotional coping pattern birthed my inner child to fix adults and subdue my needs.  I’m sure this is why I birthed my women’s ministry, write books, facilitate retreats and have a passion to empower and encourage women to discover their voice and heal their self-esteem.

Fortunately, because of God’s grace through the spiritual fathering, model and teaching of our Bishop Kafela, my husband no longer drinks and he continues to grow in his communication skills.  His great joy is serving in our church and sharing his testimony with young men to help them avoid the traps of alcohol.  We both are products of our environment as children.

The unexpected blessing of growing and healing my own self-esteem is the by-product of wanting to help other women for over 25 years.  The mystery for me is, “Why was it so easy to help others when I was in need also?”  The teacher and student in me merged.  I believe God can transform our mess into a message to inspire others.  I believe you can triumph over your tribulations.  I believe that you and I can transform our thinking rather than remain in deformed thinking.  I believe you and I can rise above our damaged and broken selves and experience healthy love for ourselves and others.  I believe you either remain hurt, numb, lonely and angry about your life or you learn to reach out help others.  I believe that once you know better, you can do better! The payoff is so awesome.  The more I stopped being vulnerable and volunteering to rescue others, tolerate pain or silence my voice, the more I discovered my value.  I became stronger, wiser, and more confident the more I studied, shared, opened my heart and followed the guidance of God to serve other women.   Yes, it is an on-going process of removing the layers of shame, guilt, hurt, secrets, poor choices and acceptance of the things, the past and the people you and I cannot change.  You can start to heal and change your thinking when you become desperate or inspired to change.  My goal with this book is to inspire you to want to assess your stress and be willing to truly see where you can grow smarter with the issues of your heart.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. – Proverbs 4:23

Start observing your reactions, feelings, patterns and thoughts with compassion.  Be willing to take the risk of setting personal boundaries which means learning not to be afraid of hurting others; having other people angry at you or feeling abandoned or losing a relationship.  Pray for discernment, wisdom, boundaries and learn how to say “no” to demanding requests of your body, time and money.  You can’t buy love or respect from others when you suffer from the disease to please.  There is a difference between helping someone who is disabled, incapable, or sick versus helping someone who is resisting growing up and or taking advantage of your kindness and your hunger for love.

A child growing up in a dysfunctional home and shame experiences unspoken rules which creates a foggy sense of what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior.

Some of these rules include:

1. It’s not ok to talk about or express our feelings openly.

2. Don’t address issues or relationships directly.

3. Always be strong, always be good, always be perfect.

4. Don’t be selfish.

5. Do as I say. . .not as I do.

6. It’s not ok to play.

7. Don’t rock the boat.

8.  Shhh… keep the family secrets

8. Don’t talk about sex

9.  Be a nice girl…a “good” daughter”… a “good wife”…don’t complain

Do you think that if you give enough of your time, sex, help, talent and money to someone that you will be guaranteed love in return, a wedding ring, a commitment, respect, recognition, promotion or love?

Have you settled for convenience instead of commitment and a covenant which values you as a queen, a child of God, a woman of virtue?

When a woman trusts herself and truly provides her own validation, she stops making poor choices.  When a woman stops being vulnerable and volunteering to save, fix, enable or tolerate bad behavior, she will no longer act like a victim.  Learning to love smart with your heart helps you to grow stronger in choosing your friend, date and/or mate.

Page 38

     Just like dogs can smell fear, anyone without virtue will recognize a weak and needy person and take advantage of their vulnerability.

Desperation is an invisible quality.  It’s an aura that a person can sense through your behavior, words and tolerance of bad behavior.

A good man who really cares and respects you would not take advantage of you.

If you are wearing the perfume of desperation, a dog can smell it.  Unfortunately, he will misuse your body, time, money and heart.

Being needy, naive, desperate and having low expectations will surely cause you heartache and pain.

Men who have options don’t necessarily think that sleeping together means you’re in a serious “relationship”.

You may fall in love with some one’s personality but it’s their character you really live with.  You deserve more than:

. a part time love

. a “booty call”

. shared love

. secret love

. I love you ifkind of love

. abusive love (emotional or physical)

. a date withonly fast food and fast sex

To order your copy of this book and receive the Self-esteem CD message, call 323.964.1736 to pay by phone with debit/credit card.

or click here to process payment for the book and CD $25 includes shipping

click here to process payment for the book only $17.99 includes shipping

Or e-mail JewelMotivates@gmail.com to request an on-line payment link to process your payment on-line.

Or send your check/money order to:

Amount includes shipping –  $25.00  with CD

Amount includes shipping – $17.50 no CD

To set up an appoint for counseling with Jewel Diamond Taylor aka “the Self-esteem Dr.”

e-mail JewelMotivates@gmail.com or call 323.964.1736