Yes, it can be difficult…but don’t drop out of life

“Fear, pain, and setbacks can be paralyzing, traumatizing and terrorizing.  Life isn’t always easy.  Parenting, marriage, caregiving, paying your bills, living with abuse, financial stress, dysfunctional families, illness, operating your business/ministry, loneliness, grief, betrayal, an unfulfilling job, college, or poverty aren’t easy.

Some people drop out of life and drop into addiction, depression, despair, crime, toxic relationships, self-loathing or anger.  Some people haven’t learned how to cope and overcome their troubled childhood, abuse, poverty, family secrets, past setbacks or personal pain.  So they defend themselves from the pain by learning some very counterproductive behavior … procrastinating, isolating, depression, addictions, lying, silence, withdrawal, victimization, extreme joking/humor, fantasy, disconnecting, extreme busyness minimize or rationalize their pain or abuser’s behavior.  Depression causes thinking in all-or-nothing extremes which makes depressed ones resistant to new thoughts, support, and change.  Depression is closely rated to low self-esteem, which hinders a depressed person from seeing their worth and possibilities.  Unfortunately, many people who have been burned out, hurt, and traumatized learn to; not feel, not trust, not talk and pretend nothing is happening.

When you go through a terrible experience in your life, you decide what it means. You can say it is unfair, horrible and you identify yourself as a victim, loser, unlovable or a failure.  Or you can say it was a life lesson. You can perceive it as a permanent or temporary inconvenience.  You determine whether you will live with blame, shame, grudges or peace.  The story you tell yourself will either limit and define you as a victim.  Or your story will be about overcoming, healing, moving forward, forgiveness, creating a new normal, faith, courage, perseverance and resiliency.

As the Self-esteem Dr./Life Coach for women, I provide an emotionally safe place to help women come out of their psychological safe hiding place to feel, deal and heal their emotions that are sabotaging their relationships, success, happiness, health, peace, and purpose.
My prayer for you today is that you will find a mustard seed of faith and hope to believe you can make it through your wilderness.  Don’t let your past or setbacks define, discourage, defeat, deter, distract or destroy you.  My prayer for you is Numbers 6:24-26.”  Call me 323.964.1736 or email me JewelMotivates@gmail.com to schedule a one-on-one life coaching/counseling session with me.

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Living through the seasons called “hard, scary and painful”

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Am I ready to retire? Should I move to another city? Should I stay at this unfulfilling job or stay in this abusive relationship? Should I travel? Should I stop allowing my friend to disrespect me? Should I write my book? Should I keep loaning money to people? Should I take that class? Should I trust and date again after such a painful divorce? Should I leave my church where I am no longer growing?” Should I start my own business? Should I forgive and let go? Should I move to a new city? There are many difficult issues and choices to cope with…it’s called “life”. When I am not emotionally present or healthy…I sometimes choose; don’t think about it, don’t want to feel it and I feel like a failure or fraud. But I know there are consequences if I ignore these issues, if I live in denial, pretend, and hide behind my “fake up” (e.g., smile, default responses, busyness, excuses or blame).
For some people, their childhood and youth were full of hardships and then life smoothes itself out and they find contentment and acceptance in their later years. For me, it is the reverse. My childhood and youth (summer and spring) were less problematic than my “winter” season of life. I have learned the art of truth telling vs. self-betrayal. I have learned that glazing over my heartaches or hardships with easy answers so that the people around me wouldn’t be uncomfortable…is no longer a healthy coping skill. I’m learning to live with the mystery of life. I’m learning that “hard, scary and pain” are not a life sentence. I’m learning to breathe through the regrets, sorrow, heaviness and call back my power and peace even while in my storms of “why now!!!…when will it stop?…make it stop Jesus!…help me Lord…how long must I wait?…the pain is unbearable…I can’t breathe.”
Admitting that life is hard or that you don’t have it all together yet… doesn’t make you a failure. It doesn’t mean you are negative. It doesn’t mean you are defeated. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in God. Admitting where you are emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, in your habits, lifestyle, career or your in relationships…makes you courageous. Yes it is a vulnerable place, but a place of freedom, discovery, recovery and exhaling.
One of my greatest joys and purpose is to create a safe place and events for women to feel safe.  I like to build bridges of hope, faith, guidance and support for women to cross over her feelings of loneliness, stress, shame, loss, anger, procrastination, delays, low self-esteem, depression, disappointments, and dysfunction …to a place where she doesn’t feel alone.malibu-circle

The storm she is going through may continue to rage, but she can find some calm in the storm.  She can create positive coping skills of resiliency, faith, courage, connections, wisdom, a new perspective and even some humor.

I want to be a transformative resource to her so she can take off any masks and step out of her shell of fear, intimidation, isolation, guilt and shame.

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12 Awesome Self-Care Prescriptions

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1. Stop over-thinking. You will never have all the answers to all of life’s issues and mysteries.  You cannot fix everyone and everything.  Remember you can not pour into someone else’s life if you are empty, sick, tired, financially burdened, sad and overwhelmed.  If you have the responsibility of parenting, care giving for the sick or elderly, your staff, team, ministry… delegate, ask for help, take frequent breaks to decompress and refuel your mind, body and soul.
2. Know that “no” is a complete sentence. You will burn out with exhaustion, resentment and sickness if you are a people pleaser, doormat, enabler, fixer go-to-person and silent sufferer.

3.  We live in such a hurry up, over-stimulated, technology driven, media driven, competitive, do it now and have it all now society.  Step away.  Slow it down. Breathe in and savor the silence.  Remember the “Serenity Prayer.”
4.  Comparing yourself to others creates depression, self-loathing and envy.  Facebook is great and it’s fun and healthy to be social. And if you have an online business, it’s priceless. Facebook is like an advertising campaign for everyone’s life. It’s all shiny, sparkly and well-crafted to present the best. Too much scanning can cause depression and feelings of inadequacy.
5. Create joyful rituals and activities. Find ways to develop your skills, talents, and interests.  Even if your time and money are limited…make a promise to yourself to carve out some time in small increments to just “do you” …until you have more time and money for the extra perks of massages, travel, classes, etc.
6. Be so optimistic, pleasant, encouraged, hopeful and positive that negative people will stop coming around or calling you.  Avoid the “vacuum type people” who suck out all of your peace, joy and energy.  Distance yourself from the blessing blockers, manipulators, liars, drama driven, dysfunctional, needy and negative people.  Cherish your friends.  Make time for those you love and who uplift and energize your mind, faith, peace and soul. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

7. Be dedicated to upgrading your nutrition and drinking more water. We fill our bodies with so much sugar, fast, frozen, fried and fatty foods, microwaved foods, hormones, chemicals and pesticides and that support awful places like factory farms. Whether you’re an animal person or not, eating more from the earth and less from the factories lightens both your plate, your arteries, and your spirit. Consider watching Forks Over Knives .

8. Regular exercise can transform your life and add years to your life span. Move your body. Walk more. Find parking spaces further away from your store and walk.  When you sit too much (e.g. TV, computer, sedentary work place) you will start to rust.

9.  Splurge a little every once in a while on yourself (e.g. hair salon, pampering, travel, reading a book, enjoy your favorite dessert, take yourself to dinner or the movies, buy yourself some flowers, a new wallet, purse or that quirky piece of furniture or new jewelry you have been wanting, etc.)  gift-to-me

What is the most recent “gift” you have given to yourself? (e.g. writing, forgiveness, telling the truth, letting go, travel, painting, a nap, speaking up, pampering, reading, drinking more water, fasting, dancing, solitude, a day off, took yourself on a date, said “no” or said “yes”, bought yourself some flowers, etc.)

10.  Unplug. ..no emails, internet, smart phone, nothing for regular intervals. We are turning into an ADD society, jumping from one distraction to another.  Unplug regularly or you’ll burn out your emotional hardware. Create sacred spaces in your home and de-clutter. Do more of the things that make you laugh and feel safe, loved and alive (e.g. comedy club, concerts, sitting on the floor with your children/grandchildren, cooking, dancing, painting, crafts, pets, gardening, volunteer work, etc.

11. You have a right to your feelings.  But you don’t have to act out on your feelings the-self-esteem-dr-stethoscopeof anger, fear or self-loathing. Let those feelings come and go like an ocean wave. If you suppress your authentic feelings eventually they will resurface in an unhealthy way at the wrong time and to the wrong person.  Seek counseling support to heal from past trauma.  Read my book Wisdom for Women. Pray, exhale, meditate, go for a walk, listen to inspiring music or inspiring messages, write in your journal, call or visit a good friend, fast, change your routine, seek counseling or life coaching, etc.

12.  Love and embrace your idiosyncrasies, image, age, and body…flaws and all.  Be aware of your self-talk and sabotaging behavior.  Walk in your truth.  Be courageous enough to honor your choices, core values, body, time, and truth… or you will suffer in self-betrayal and the little lies that eat away at your soul.  Lovingly self-correct without harsh judgment.  Forgive yourself for past choices.  Don’t be so intense about your life that you miss the joy, grace, blessings and beauty of life.  Don’t downplay and diminish your strengths, gifts, purpose and uniqueness.  Acknowledge your accomplishments.  Be open, curious and ready to grow in every area of your life.

To schedule your one-on-one life coaching/counseling session the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor call 323.964.1736 or submit this quick inquiry below today.

 

12 Things to Know About Toxic People

  1. You’re can become emotionally and/or physically sick from their drama.

 2. Toxic people can cause you to feel bad or ashamed of yourself.

3.  You can become their closest target for their anger. They play the victim role. A conversation or simple disagreement can escalate into a huge breakdown or argument.

4. They attack or blame you when you speak up for yourself.  You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying to avoid an argument or sh*t storm.

5.  Toxic people don’t show you respect. They never inquire about your feelings.

6. They are narcissistic. 

7. They will scream, cuss and fuss to make you feel like a child, stupid or incompetent.

 8. You can get stuck in a cycle of trying to fix, rescue, care for them or calm them down.

9.  You start to fear or dread being around them.

 10. They can suck all the oxygen out the room leaving you feeling dizzy, stressed and sick.

11. You feel exhausted like a vacuum cleaner that sucks out all of your joy, peace and faith.

12. Toxic people are controlling, territorial, judgmental, arrogant, selfish, ungrateful and have a need to be always right.  Your opinion, perspective, pain or happiness is not considered.

Call 323.964.1736 to schedule your one-on-one life coaching, stress reducing and life enriching session with Jewel Diamond Taylor TODAY because you did not read this page by accident.  It’s time for you to experience some relief, clarity, courage, and peace.

 

5 Reasons Why People Stay Stuck

unhappy-couple5 reasons why you may be stuck in a toxic, abusive, unhappy or unequally yoked relationship or career position;
1) You don’t feel worthy. You feel you deserve bad treatment as your punishment for your past poor judgement, mistakes, or secrets sins…so you tolerate pain, unhappiness and bad behavior.
2) You never saw a “good relationship model” before to show you that you don’t have to live in pain, limitation or fear. You take on the role of a “fixer”, “victim”, “rescuer” or “doormat” or the “silent sufferer.”
3) You gain some type of emotional benefit by living as a victim.
4) You were programmed and told as a child that you were no good, ugly, unwanted, too much to handle, too bad, etc. So you don’t feel worthy of love or happiness.
5) You were never exposed to the knowledge, experiences, tools, support or relationships that can empower you to break the chains of fear, abuse, procrastination and low self-esteem.
The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, Life Coach, Author, Conference Keynote Speaker
323.964.1736

12 Steps to Guard Your Heart (Proverbs 4:23)

  1. michelle obama quotePray for discernment to know when someone is fake and abusing you. A person’s words and actions should line up.  The adversary/trickster can use many fiery arrows, disguises, words, and emotional traps to get you in a web of doubting yourself, abuse, lies and stress.  Love should not hurt.  Stay prayed up and surround yourself with healthy relationships that are drama-free.
  2. Learn that “no” is a complete sentence.  Establish and honor your own boundaries which teaches others how to treat you.
  3. Recognize when you are people pleasing and stop it.
  4. Speak up when someone disrespects you.
  5. Delete the phone number or at least distance yourself from people who drain you and rob you of your peace, money, time and trust.
  6. Realize you can’t fix and change people. Remember Maya Angelou’s quote, “When somebody shows you who they are … believe it.” We all eat lies, empty promises and quick snacks of “fast food love” when our hearts are hungry. Guard your heart from the blurred lines of desperation, loneliness and a healthy self-esteem.
  7. Overcome desperation, blind spots or being naive.  It’s painful to admit, but your job, church, family and friends may be taking your kindness for weakness.  Be careful about discussing your finances, love life, marriage, and past blunders because unfortunately some people lacking integrity will use the information against you or try to get money from you.  It’s also important to not be defensive and blind when the people who have your back are pointing out some of the blind spots you are ignoring about your relationship (especially abuse).
  8. Do the people around you have anger issues? Walk away from unnecessary arguments and power struggles.  Choose your battles wisely.
  9. Practice and embrace the “serenity prayer.”
  10. Remember your worth and don’t compromise your self-esteem, values, voice or faith.
  11. Get emotionally strong and resilient so people won’t see you as a push over.  Forgive yourself for the blindness that let others deceive, use and betray you.  Sometimes a good heart like yours … doesn’t see the bad in others.
  12. Confide in your safe place of friends, peers or family member so you can release the anger, resentment and stress.book cover self esteem follow your heart
    Send me Jewel’s book for my emotional wellness and wisdom building Click here to purchase your autographed copy today

jewel writing with penThese are lessons I had to learn the hard way.  I share these 12 gems with you to strengthen your heart and emotional well-being. ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr., 323.964.1736, e-mail me- JewelMotivates@gmail.com

self esteem broken pieces guard your heart