RelationSHIFT or Job SHIFT

    Comfort seekers, peace makers and conflict avoiders won’t express their true feelings when someone hurts you or betrays you. You’re afraid of the rejection you might receive if you honestly express your emotions and therefore don’t assert yourself.  This often leads to depression, passive aggressive, self-destructive behavior and being an easy target for manipulation from others. A passive aggressive person is one who finds other means and ways to express his feelings and thoughts indirectly so as to hide the real feelings and thoughts. Usually the term is linked with feelings of piled up anger, but in a broader sense it refers to a person not being capable to be honest about his desires and emotions (passivity), and as a result they retaliate in frustration of not being able to be truthful (aggression).

 RELATIONSHIFT

    If you cannot cope with your feelings and develop your voice regarding your relationSHIFT, jealousy, neglect, arguments, addictions,  in-laws, blended family issues, finances, unhappiness, dishonesty in your marriage… passive aggressiveness can manifest  (i.e. cheating affairs, burning dinner, lying, forgetfulness, pouting, sleeping in separate rooms, talking against your mate to your children, friends, co-workers or parents, silent treatments, no intimacy, no sex, sabotaging vacations, over working and busyness to stay away from home, sickness, depression, helplessness, neglecting home cleaning, clutter, excessive shopping or excessive eating, neglecting your appearance, acting like a victim, separate friends and activities).
    Because the passive-aggressive doesn’t think they have many tools or self-worth to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, they rely on old patterns or what they saw parents or siblings or friends do in their relationships. When I began to honestly recognize my triggers of avoiding conflict, I had to admit I became a silent sufferer, procrastinator, a peacemaker, comfort seeker and conflict avoider. 

   I learned as a child and wife to repress, deny and ignore my true thoughts and feelings. When my mother died from breast cancer, I didn’t cope well emotionally or spiritually.  That big SHIFT in our family rocked my world.  I was afraid to express and feel my sadness and pain.

     In the past when my husband and I had conflict or I felt unhappy and powerless, I wasn’t in touch with my anger. There were many SHIFTS in our marriage. By the time our oldest son died from cancer I had learned not to suppress my sadness. I believe I coped with the loss of our son (SHIFT) much better than when my mother transitioned. It still hurts but I have learned to give myself permission to talk about, grieve and take care of myself.

JOB SHIFT

If you cannot cope with your emotions and SHIFT about your job … passive aggressiveness can show up (i.e. being late, gossip, severe absenteeism, slow productivity, long lunches, stealing, talking about co-workers or your boss behind their backs).

     Anger and sadness are emotions that tell us when something is wrong, it can help you in terms of getting you to focus, pray, speak up, distance yourself from the boundary bullies, evaluate your values, needs and priorities, take care and honor yourself, identify your purpose and goals and strengthen your relationships and connections with God and others around you. Expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak… but believe me… ignoring them does.  This blog is an excerpt from my book “SHIFT HAPPENS”.  Order yours today and I will send your autographed copy to you to add to your personal library/ tool box.

e-Book “Shift Happens”

$11.99

There is no “APP” to download this …

 Even though our society enjoys the benefits of technology, fast food, Amazon, Netflix, emails, smartphones and same day dry cleaning…these conveniences have affected our ability to be patient.  We live expecting, craving and even demanding instant gratification. There is no APP in the digital world to replace the long process of building relationships or building your business, ministry or friendships.  There are no shortcuts.

     We want to; lose weight instantly, be promoted instantly, fall in love instantly, receive the hits and “likes” on our Instagram, twitter or facebook posts. etc. There is a process to become; sober, graduate from college, parent your children, develop your confidence, build trust in friendship, mature in your marriage, recover and heal from loss, or have your book to become a best seller.
Be aware of the two demons that can kill your self-worth, patience, faith, and endurance.   Craving instant gratification and comparing yourself to others on social media, at church, on your job or what you see on TV has caused an increase of people and youth being easily bored, depressed and addicted to substances to numb their pain.​  You need faith, time, patience, stamina and coping skills to achieve your goals.​
Do not believe the things you tell yourself when you are sad or alone.  When you are frustrated and impatient what kind of temptation is knocking on your door (e.g. give up, emotional eating/spending, gambling, deceit/cheat, drugs/alcohol, shut down, disconnect, procrastination)​?​
​       ​If you’re always tired, hungry, lonely, mad, sad, rushed, stuck, scattered, depressed or stressed, you’ll increase the likelihood of giving into temptation. Be careful of the “what-the-hell attitude.” It’s a slippery slope that leads to disaster.
You were born to succeed and overcome those tricks, traps and emotional triggers.
Simply knowing you have to be accountable for your actions keeps you focused on a habit change.  Regularly communicate with someone who shares a similar desire to make a lasting change.

Find an accountability partner or life coach. Call me 323.964.1736 or email me JewelMotivates@gmail.com​ for a coaching/counseling session with me.​

~ Jewel Diamond Taylor,  keynote speaker, author, life coach, emotional wellness educator, http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net

Be Aware – 50 signs of stress

All your times of seeing trauma, abuse, racism, harassment, rescuing and helping others, juggling your own daily demands/drama, job, family, bills, health, and stress, watching constant news cycle on TV or facebook and disregarding my your health…can cause things to started crashing down in your life.  If you are not mindful, you could experience a breakdown feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable and exhausted.  There are numerous emotional and physical disorders that have been linked to stress including depression, anxiety, heart attacks, stroke, hypertension, immune system disturbances that increase susceptibility to infections, a host of viral linked disorders ranging from Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting and textthe common cold and herpes to AIDS and certain cancers, as well as autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis and multiple sclerosis. In addition stress can have direct effects on the skin (rashes, hives, atopic dermatitis, the gastrointestinal system (peptic ulcer, irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colitis) and can contribute to insomnia and degenerative neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease.  It’s hard to think of any disease in which stress cannot play an aggravating role or any part of your body that is not affected.

50 Common Signs and Symptoms of Stress

1. Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain,  grinding teeth3. Stuttering or stammering

4. Tremors, trembling of lips, hands

5. Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms

6. Light headedness, faintness, dizziness

7. Ringing, buzzing or “popping sounds

8. Frequent blushing, sweating

9. Cold or sweaty hands, feet

10. Dry mouth, problems swallowing

11. Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores

12. Rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps”

13. Unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks

14. Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea

15. Excess belching, flatulence

16. Constipation, diarrhea, loss of control

17. Difficulty breathing, frequent sighing

18. Sudden attacks of life threatening panic

19. Chest pain, palpitations, rapid pulse

20. Frequent urination

21. Diminished sexual desire or performance

22. Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness

23. Increased anger, frustration, hostility

24. Depression, frequent or wild mood swings

25. Increased or decreased appetite

26. Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams27. Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts

28. Trouble learning new information

29. Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion

30. Difficulty in making decisions

31. Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed

32. Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts

33. Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness

34. Little interest in appearance, punctuality

35. Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping

36. Increased frustration, irritability, edginess

37. Overreaction to petty annoyances

38. Increased number of minor accidents

39. Obsessive or compulsive behavior

40. Reduced work efficiency or productivity

41. Lies or excuses to cover up poor work

42. Rapid or mumbled speech

43. Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness

44. Problems in communication, sharing

45. Social withdrawal and isolation

46. Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue

47. Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs

48. Weight gain or loss without diet

49. Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use

50. Excessive gambling or impulse buying

Watch Out for the Joy Stealers, Energy Vampires

A few days ago I couldn’t understand why I was feeling down, irritated and exhausted.  After I traced my last few conversations, phone calls, places I went and personal encounters…I figured it out.  I had a conversation with a person who has the personality of what I call a “vacuum cleaner.”  This type “sucks” out all of your joy, energy and oxygen in the room.  This type of person can leave you feeling empty, fearful, or depressed.  I’m learning more and more of the importance to be careful and have boundaries around people who are like “energy vampires”, “vacuum cleaners”, “joy stealers”, and “blessing blockers.”

Have you ever eaten some food and then became violently sick and realized it was food poisoning?  Well I think we should be aware of people in our lives who can give us “mood poisoning.”

Guard your heart, ears, eyes and spirit.  The more you detox your life from people, habits and things that rob you of your peace, the more you will be sensitive to mood poisoning people who are critical, self-absorbed, gossipers, naggers, manipulative, negative, complainers, pessimistic, needy and emotionally messy.

People who lack confidence and full of gloom and doom, distrust, and anxiety are a toxic cocktail mix.  Learn to be smart with your heart, mind and time. You may work with them or they may be in your family, church, campus, neighbor, organization or circle of friends.  Yes, we must learn how to navigate our relationships with love, patience, diplomacy and care.  Learn to assess which relationships are healthy and which you need to limit or distance yourself from.  ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor