When you are feeling agitated, sad, mad, or hurt…ask yourself “What is REALLY going on?”
The real answer may surprise you. You may just be tired, lonely, sick, feeling ashamed or stretched to your limit. How often do you take out your frustrations on the wrong person, your closest target? How often do you make permanent decisions about a temporary situation? How many times have you quit a relationship, marriage, project, or job because your nerves and emotions were on edge? How many times have you said, “I’m done!” but you were really feeling anxiety, used, abused, invisible, physically exhausted, not heard, not appreciated, insecure, overwhelmed, scared, tired of trying, and simply needing a break?
Is the clock ticking and you feel like you are running out of time? Sometimes the question is…”Who’s the matter with you” not “WHAT is the matter with you?” Lingering, futile, toxic, unhappy, or manipulative relationships can tire you out. Are you an overhelper, co-dependent, fixer, or is your loyalty displaced?
People and circumstances may trigger your emotions which live right underneath your skin that you have pushed down, ignored, forgotten or covered up with a mask.
What is really going on with you?
If you cut your finger or broke your leg, you would seek immediate medical care.
What do you do when you are emotionally bleeding, have a broken heart, become blind and lose sight of your purpose, your joy and optimism are on life support, or you fell down and fractured your faith, peace, and hope?
Through my counseling/coaching style I am able to support others to:
. discover emotional sobriety and emotional freedom
. improve their relationships
. revive their self-worth and self-esteem
. reduce their vulnerability to toxic people or past shame
. learn how to navigate a crisis without numbing themselves
. cope with a crisis with acceptance, action, right thinking, faith, endurance, hope, and pproductive coping skills.
. move forward past their shame, procrastination, grief, abuse, setbacks, burnout, or ffaith fatigue.
by The Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, speaker, author, life coach, women’s retreat facilitator, Founder of Women on the Grow, Inc., media personality
To reserve your one-on-one time by phone, zoom, or in person, call 323.964.1736
Thank you Lord for hearing and responding to my prayer for my housing situation.
I release my anxiety and fears and focus on my faith in your power and provision. I stand on my faith believing that my housing needs of a beautiful place to live with _________bedrooms, ________________ and ____________________ will be realized.
Thank you for placing me in the right place at the right time to meet the right people. I thank you God in advance for how You can work this out. All that the Father hath for me is mine and I take possession of what belongs to me with a swiftness, gratitude and confidence. I believe as I speak these words, that You, Father God, go before me preparing a way.
I have no fear, for You are with me – my peace, my protection and my provision.
Thank You for placing heavenly and earthly angels in my life to guide me.
I believe what You have done for others, You can do for me. Grant me favor so that I may learn soon of approval of my place to live.
I will share Your goodness with others so they may know of Your power and glory.
I trust your promise from 1 Corinthians 2:9 “that no eye has seen, nor ear heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for them that love him.” So I will dream big and keep my worries small.
I feel better, encouraged and ready now for my breakthrough. Thank You Lord for being the center of my JOY and the source of my great new home! Amen
Waiting for someone else to make you happy is for sure one of the quickest ways to be sad.
Giving up blaming others and giving up being depressed from unmet expectations strengthens your “emotional sobriety” giving you freedom to experience peace.
Read below my version of the Serenity Prayer for those seeking healing and freedom from relationships full of; drama, stress, estrangement, pain, resentment, anger, and manipulation.
“God, grant me the serenity to calmly accept the situations I cannot change, the courage to respond with self-worth, and the wisdom to grow and enjoy my life’s journey.”
– Jewel Diamond Taylor, aka The Self-esteem Dr., popular life coach and counselor, conference speaker, author, media personality, and founder of Women on the Grow, Inc. 501c3
Linda has always been the unofficial care giver in any relationship. It’s always been about the other person.
She has continually put her own needs last. She neglects her own appearance, and self-care, turns down invitations for social activities and feels she has no voice or power to make decisions. Linda never gained her own voice to say “no” or ask for help.
Growing up, her mother was a cruel narcissist who had no warmth or interest in Linda, Her father died when she was young. When Linda was eighteen her mother became ill and Linda was the primary care giver. She has older siblings but they didn’t help or visit.
Linda cared exclusively for her mother which blocked her from developing and living her best life. Her mother died when Linda was thirty-five, and Linda lived on in the same house until she had to sell it as her mother hadn’t left a will. She had spent her life caring for her mother whose self-absorption didn’t include any consideration of Linda’s own needs.
She knows she neglects and isolates herself. She barely knows how to ask for help. She feels she has wasted her life and doesn’t know how to start living. Linda lives with shame and guilt and doesn’t find it easy to make new friends. Linda feels she is “stupid, helpless, useless, and unworthy” when she is around other people.
Linda developed low self-esteem and lacked physical or emotional boundaries to protect and honor her peace and value. Her mother’s fits, of anger and rage, unpredictable mood swings, silent treatments, insults, neediness, and narcissistic ways shaped Linda’s emotional mondswt. Nothing was ever about Linda… so she believed she was nothing. Linda has been conditioned through the repeated emotions of shame and guilt to feel that any self-promotion or self-care, opinions, or desires were conceited and showing off. She was put down a lot as a child and emotionally she has confused success with conceit.
As the Self-esteem Dr., I guide my coaching/counseling clients on ways to check their own “emotional temperature.” Why? Because people and environments can cause you to experience;
. heart palpitations
. head aches
. stomach aches
. digestion flare ups
. no eating
. sleep deprivation
. Anxiety spells
. depression and isolation
. excessive drinking, cutting, eating
. super driven high achiever
The spectrum of abuse from; parents, lovers, spouses, children, friends, and authority figures can be from mild to severe, subtle or mean, manipulative and charming.
These are some of my prescriptions to gain emotional freedom, peace, and emotional well-being…
Journaling: write about how you’re feeling
Meditation: some quiet time and reflection helps us listen to ourselves
Prayer seeking guidance, comfort, and strengthening your faith
Reflection: looking back can help you plan ahead. What have you learned about yourself?
Questioning: ask yourself what you need more or less of.
Seek counseling and/or seek out a trusted friend to talk and express your feelings, learn how to establish boundaries and self-worth to believe you can have a life beyond your present circumstances.
Deep breathing exercises
Be proactive and schedule time for self and keep your commitment
Creativity: draw, paint, crafts, listen to music – something that frees your mind
I don’t know who this is for…but maybe you are in a “God Gap” right in the middle of where you used to be and where you want to be. Are you waiting for a breakthrough in your family, marriage, employment, health, finances, ministry, or business?
Maybe your usual sources of support are missing. Maybe someone let you down and went “ghost” on you.
Maybe you feel your prayers aren’t going past the ceiling.
Maybe you feel no one understands you.
Sing out loud D. L. Lawrence “Encourage Yourself” song. Strengthen yourself. Believe in yourself. Heal yourself. Promise yourself to practice more self-care. Befriend yourself. The kindness and encouragement give to others…give it to yourself also. Don’t betray yourself. Speak your truth. Create your boundaries of emotional or physical distance from the energy vampires, haters, critics, time stealers, and drama bringers. Have a good talk with yourself. Acknowledge your dreams, gifts, talents, ideas, strength, creativity, and accomplishments. Value your time, family, faith, health, anointing, skills, and self-worth. Let go and forgive yourself for past hurtful choices. Remember this scripture…”God is within her, she cannot fail.” Psalm 46:5
click arrow to listen to the song
Encourage yourself by guarding your heart from toxic and manipulative people. Encourage yourself to stick and not quit on your goals. Encourage yourself by reminding yourself that you are worthy. Encourage yourself and remember your past victories. Encourage yourself in your money habits and eating habits.
Encourage yourself by speaking life over your situation. Encourage yourself through your recovery from a heartache, divorce, layoff, addiction, setback, illness, or seeking a home, job, car, or new love.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. – Philippians 4:6
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10
By blog writer Jewel Diamond Taylor.
For a life-changing, insightful, and transformative counseling or life coaching session call 323.964.1736
OK now…please listen God! You got me up writing all these messages and feeling a lot of “aha” moments. Am I writing these messages for others…or is it really helping me! I think it’s both.
The revelations and insights are helping me and making me feel some kinda way. Why didn’t I know these things before? How many people have I hurt? How many people have I helped? Have I been my own worst enemy and saboteur? Will I get better? Will I have the right words to express what I am discovering?
I am learnig to process my past poor choices and emotional pain, mourn, feel, deal, heal, grieve, repent, and grow from them.
Everytime I feel I have grown on one level of my life, I find myself back in Your operating room to remove a cancerous thought, unrealistic expectation, belief, or habit.
I am no longer resisting the spiritual surgery. I am healing and learning at the same time. The process hurts at first before I begin to feel better. I have to give up denial, worry, procrastination, and doubts.
It’s hard sometimes to fight a battle when I’m still limping from the last shot, cut, fall, kick, loss, or wound. Yes, God, I’m learning to be resilient and practice what I teach.
I am reading this morning Isaiah 42:3 and encouraged by this scripture that says, “a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not quench ” because even though many of us are heavy laden with doubts, fears, and wounds…we will bend but not break, because of Your divine love. Even though our inner candle is smoldering and about to go out, Your grace revives the flame of purpose, hope, and strength within us.
Lord, I need Your guidance to share the essential pearls of wisom I have excavated from the depths of my soul, experience, self-awareness, prayer, and study.
I thank you Lord for Your grace, mercy, and marvelous light which are accelerating my growth and peace.
Thank you for my “aha” moments enabling me to see more clearly how to overcome bitterness, depression, doubts, worry, and unrealistic expectations from others.
I get it God…every marriage needs a balance between intimacy and independence. Beginnigs and endings will happen…friends, customers, and business associates will come and go. My body needs healthy foods, water, and exercise. I must see, seek, and seize opportunities beyond my comfort zone. Continue learning so I can pass any of my tests (i.e. patience test, wilderness test, grief test, character test, courage test, faith test). Trust in Your divine order. Remember my prosperity commandments. My thoughts and words have power to create what I focus on. I must keep the main thing…the MAIN THING!
Thank you for placing so many wonderful people in my life who see me and value my journey and purpose. I will stay in the light.
I also believe the word “depressed” is often overused or a person’s emotional state of mind can be misunderstood and misdiagnosed.
I saw a Jeff Foster quote on-line stating, “The word “depressed” is spoken phonetically as “deep rest”. (Stop and say “depressed” out loud.)
WOW…this quote triggered my thoughts about depression. Many times I have quickly labeled myself as depressed when actually I was really feeling spent, exhausted, overwhelmed, and in great need for time to; rest, decompress, unwind, detox my mind, let go, get off the hamster’s wheel, process my anger, grief, and disappointments, cancel some appointments, unplug and fast from social media, delegate some tasks, say “no” to one more request, take a nap, meCation, stayCAtion, or vaCation. When you have gone through some significant life changes i.e. divorce, death in the family, job loss, health issues, caregiving, new job, business owner, new city, marriage, etc…the stress in your body keeps track. If you don’t rest periodically to regoup and renew…you will be forced to stop because of illness, accidents, or anxiety.
I have noticed when I am avoiding conflict, decision-making, resisting change, or in denial about situations I cannot control or change, the default story in my head says, “I am depressed.” No Jewel. Stop Jewel!
There comes a time when I need to rest my mind from; worry, anger, the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts, delays, disappointments, doubts, demands of my time, and the constant streaming of violence and hatred in the news. I need to remind myself to recite the Serenity Prayer.
As a public speaker standing in front of all types of audiences, counselor, life coach, wife, mother, grandmother, founder of my Women on the Grow 501c3 ministry, a prayer warrior, a frequent flyer, a sensitive and empathic person, I must remember that my mind is like an emotional sponge absorbing a lot of mixed energy. Because of my sensory overload … on a regular basis, I need to squeeze out all the stimulation, toxic energy, thoughts, and feelings that are weighing heavy on my mind.
You may be working hard, volunteering, parenting, care giving, traveling a lot, and studying which leads to sleep deprivation. Taking time to re-evaluate your lifestyle choices, habits, pace, relationships, faith, and priorities can be your time of spiritual and emotional renewal.
Before you turn to medication to numb your feelings or shut down and isolate yourself….rethink your choice. What you think is depression could really be an invitation for deep rest, renew, and restore your mind, body, and spirit.
It’s hard to realize you got blind-sided, bamboozled, tricked, manipulated, or kicked in your heart by someone you trusted or that someone took your kindness for weakness, that you were ill-prepared to deal with dysfunctional, untrustworthy manipulators, abusers, or didn’t know how to cope with conflict.
Its hard to face the truth that a relationship or job is futile, hopeless, or even dangerous to your emotional, mental, or physical health.
I have come to realize that people are really my life teachers. Most of my growth and hard lessons in self-esteem and finding my voice I learned from my marriage. The past friends that hurt me … I now see as my teachers. My children are my teachers. I had to learn a lot about parenting, boundaries, respect, and self-worth from my own family and friends. Some lessons were hurtful and some helpful.
Believe it or not…all of your relationships are your teachers.
The joy and the pain from your family, friends, co-workers, lovers, marriages, haters, helpers, energy vampires, besties, supporters, business partners, boss, role models, leaders, pastors, mentors, parents, and children are your teachers.
You will either feel hurt, hindered, or helped by them. Hopefully you will learn and grow from them.
Did you learn from your “life teachers” to:
. have boundaries
. build your self-esteem
. speak up and find your voice
. speak a new language, new professional skills
. be more discerning in choosing friends
. have more courage and determination from the people who said “no” to you
. pay more attention to the red flags that are warning signs
. cook, dance, travel, improve your money habits
. ask more questions and be less impulsive when dating
. family traditions, communication, trust issues
. guard your heart from narcissistic, selfish, insecure, abusive, and dysfunctional people?
Do not beat yourself up for getting involved with a narcissist, manipulator, abusor, untrustworthy, or immature person. Wake up from the denial and gaslighting that made you think you were crazy, unworthy, stupid, unlovable, invisible, or damaged goods.
When you have been told you are no good or when you have felt invisible, incompetent, and insignificant, it is like being hypnotized and put under a spell.
Yes, I know it’s hard to break the spell…but it’s possible. Yes, I know it’s difficult to admit you got caught and feel trapped in a painful relationship walking on eggshells. Your mind wants to protect you from feeling pain, so your mind will resist the truth. You will be stubborn at first to see and hear the truth because your mind doesn’t want to feel the pain of acceptance, surrender, being vulnerable, or separation.
Emotional freedom comes when you have the courage to face the truth or you finally say, “I’ve had enough. I deserve better. I am worthy of love, peace, and safety.”
Because of your kind heart, a strong desire for belonging, the fear of leaving or living alone, or lack of positive coping life skills, you may find it difficult to say good bye. You may find yourself being in the role of a servant and slave to your abuser’s desires, demands, and emotional roller coaster rides. You may be unconsciously trying to prove your worth or prove your love. You may have expectations that don’t line up with your reality. You may have invested so much time, effort, money, sacrifice, and prayer into your toxic relationship that you feel like a loser or a failure if you say good-bye. Once you hit that wall of truth that your efforts are futile, be very careful of your self-talk that can be abusive. Don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself credit for the courage to face the truth and protect your soul, mind, body, money, well-being, and self-respect.
Once you stop screaming in silence or numbing yourself with busyness, bargaining, illusions/fantasy, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sleeping, or isolation…you can begin to see and feel the reality of your situationship. Feel it, deal with it, and begin to heal.
You, alone, hold the key to your emotional and physical freedom. There is some good in good-bye. You are not giving up … you are letting go so you can grow. Pray for the strength, guidance, and courage to fight for the good and God in you. Seek support to keep you on track to move towards your freedom. Remember if that relationship or job is costing you your peace, it is too expensive.
Emotional freedom to strengthen your voice, self-worth, and and self-respect is a process that promises to help you live in more peace.
Learn from your painful teachers that you don’t have to remain in their class. You can pick up the broken pieces of your life and breath. You can learn not to repeat the same class in future relationships. You can learn that you are a child of God worthy of love, peace, safety, respect, and kindness.
I am available to be one of your life teachers. I am the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author, conference speaker, life coach, wife, mother, sister, grandmother, minister of God’s love and founder of Women on the Grow, Inc.