5 Personalities – Which one are you?

In my experience as a woman, wife, daughter, mother, sister, friend, life coach and counselor for thousands of women, I have discovered the following 5 common profiles.  I continue to grow to identify my own blind spots, personality tendencies, strengths and self-worth.
These are just some of the most common personalities I see either in myself or others. I hope this helps you to better understand the relationships around you and to better understand yourself.

1. PEACEMAKER PATRICIA you are flexible, adapt easily, good listener, you enjoy soothing others and making connections.       Blind spot: Trying to make others happy can cause you to overlook what you really want and need. Loyal to a fault while neglecting your own needs and opinions eventually creates resentment.
     Remedy: Start spending time alone periodically to hear your voice. Take off your superman(woman) cape and allow situations to work themselves out. Let go and let God.

2. STRIVING SHARON: Sharon is intense about pursuing accomplishment,. You have something to prove, you have a to-do-list, and a strong “all or nothing” focus. You have a high and sometimes hard expectation of yourself and others. This profile mask is “Excellence/perfect performance”.
      Blind spot: Developing relationships is not your strong suit and the relationships that you do have… suffer. Relaxation doesn’t come easy. Your personal achievements can give you a view of life that doesn’t allow for diversity and different points of view.
      Remedy: Be willing to grow out of your zone of routine and predictability and create more balance and spontaneity. Your books sometimes cannot teach what being around people who don’t share your experiences, status or pedigree can teach about life.

3. NURTURING NANCY: Nancy is very present, caring, empathetic and available as the “911” person in your tribe…ready to rescue others.
      Blind spot: You don’t realize you are being burned out, sick, resentful and that people are sometimes taking your kindness and availability for granted.
      Remedy: Begin to prioritize. Create more balance. Say “no” to unrealistic and unnecessary requests of your time, energy, talent, money and gifts. Develop ways to recharge your battery and nurture your soul, body, dreams and purpose without guilt.

4. I DON’T CARE CARRIE: This profile is someone who has been so independent, burned out and disappointed in the past that you have become apathetic, numb, isolated and frozen by choice to survive.                                                                           Blind spot: You are missing out on real connections that are not fake, users and abusers. You don’t see how people see you as someone who is cold, cruel, distant and without feelings. Their assessment is not true, but your body language, distance and attitude has become frozen without feeling.                                                                                                               Remedy: Begin to thaw out! Begin to trust happiness again. Begin to see that there are people around you who care and can bring some healing, joy, connection and positive experiences.

5. I NEED ATTENTION ANNIE: This profile is someone desperate, wounded and needy for any kind of attention (good or bad). Mask “I am a victim” “Nobody loves me.” “I can’t help it.”
      Blind spot: They think they are the only one experiencing pain. They don’t hear the voices of help. They feel stuck in the past. They do not see people pulling away from them. They don’t see how their “poor me” attitude, anger or whining repels the possibility of real loving relationships.
      Remedy: Be willing to hear from people who care about you even if it feels uncomfortable. Realize, through professional or authentic counseling, that your insecurity is based on fear and unresolved issues. Work on learning how to enjoy your own solitude without needing the type of relationships that only reinforce your sense of low self-worth. Learn to tend to your own needs in a healthy way without blaming and making others feel responsible for your happiness.

You may not see yourself in any of these profiles.  Of course there are many more.  Maybe this information will help you to see and understand some of the relationships in your life that are point of pain, confusion, stress or in need of help.  To schedule a one-on-one life coaching session with the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, call 323.964.1736 or email – Jewel@DoNotGiveUp.net

You Cannot Change People

paint people change     “It’s our ego, fears, values, personality and desires that cause us to want to change people.  Because we can’t change people and make them think, live, love, give or behave the way we desire…it can become a big source of your stress.
When you spiritually and emotionally mature, inner peace happens because your expectations or demands from your spouse, family, friends or groups, church, or job diminishes. Maturity teaches you not to take offense or praise too seriously.
People cannot give you what they usually CANNOT give, DON’T KNOW HOW to give or DON’T WANT to give. Unrealistic expectations and assumptions are a setup for resentment, anger and a reactionary mindset 
Pain, loss and suffering invites you to learn that you cannot control, explain, fix, change or understand all things and all people. You can pray for your children, parents, friends your “ex” or your boss, but you can’t change them.  You lead by example, but you can’t change them.  You can accept them or draw boundaries, but you can’t change them.
     We get frustrated with other people, because they don’t act the way we want them to act. Maybe it’s our kids, our spouse, in-laws, our coworker or boss, maybe it’s our mom or best friend. But we have to realize that they are acting according to their personality, according to what they feel is right, and they are not going to do what we want all of the time. Peace and maturity comes from accepting that we can’t control or change people. It’s not easy, but we can learn to communicate and adapt.  Yes, it takes practice, especially when they are family or people you work with daily.  Here are 7 things to think about…

1.  Sometimes people don’t change.  Their mask just falls off.
2.  You can’t change people.  You can lead them with guidance, love and example.
3.  Consider how hard it is for you to change and you’ll soon realize how exhausting it is to try to
change others.
4.  Everyone wants the gift of acceptance.
5.  Change is always met with resistance.
6.  You cannot change the people in your life. But you can change the kind of people you choose to
be around.

7.  Learn to have boundaries for the people who create drama, chaos, pain or conflict with your values, goals, personality and lifestyle.”

Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference motivational speaker, life coach, emotional wellness educator, author and Founder of Women on the Grow…read more on her popular web sites http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net and http://www.JewelDiamondTaylor.com

ReEvaluate Your Relationships

evaluateYou know it’s time re-evaluate and sometimes separate from people in your life…

 . When the people around you question your assignment and they are jealous, insecure, instigate drama and can’t celebrate your success.

 . When the people around you shake your ladder of success instead of holding it for you.

. When they blow things out of proportion, exaggerate and dramatize every situation.

 .  When your friends become territorial and jealous of your mate, children, friends or your personal drive for success.

. When you have a “high maintenance” friendship (e.g. too needy, requires too much time, attention, compliments and reassurance because they are easily offended, they have no boundaries, they need you to co-sign all of their drama, gossip and poor decisions.)

 . When they smile in your face while trying to take your place.

. If they rather talk about your past instead of your possibilities.

. When they help you decorate for your pity party instead of encouraging you to get up.

. When their drama filled/toxic relationship is influencing your marriage/relationship.

.  When small thinking people try to speak fear into your big faith.

. When they think like a chicken and stay on the ground floor but you think like an eagle and you are ready to soar.  It’s time to re-evaluate or separate from people they don’t want to see you fly and try to pull you down from the sky.

 Your associations determine your destination.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor, http://www.DoNotGiveUp.net

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Do you have a man or a dog?

excerpt from my book “Love Smart with Your Heart” by Jewel Diamond Taylor

Yes, there are good, mature, loving, caring, responsible and faithful men.  This book is NOT male bashing.  This message helps women to discern bad behavior.  This message helps women to avoid stepping into a dog mess.  This message helps women to guard their heart.  This message helps women to understand how men and women are wired differently.  This message helps women to love smart and build a healthy self-esteem.

Yes, one of the great traits of dogs is that they are loyal.  Yet there are untamed, bad tempered and aggressive dogs that exhibit behavior you should be warned about.  There are some dogs that are too friendly with strangers and will go to anybody.  Some dogs have fleas that you can’t see.  Some dogs bark too much.  Some dogs just want to sleep all day and stay in the house.  Some dogs are good watch dogs and want to protect you.  Some dogs will bite you for no reason.  Many dogs make loyal and comforting companions and love you unconditionally.  And there are those men who are players for life…unfaithful roamers who justify their bad boy behavior by saying…”It’s just the dog in me…chasing the cat.”

Who let the dogs out?@!

A “player” and a “dog” know what to say and how to say it with charm to get what they want.

A dog is nicest when they want to be fed, they wag their tail.

After you give a man what he wants, without consideration for your own needs, values and lifestyles… you are setting  yourself up to be used and mistreated.

Dogs only go where they are fed.    Maintain your self-respect and self-esteem.  If you keep answering the phone and opening the door to your bedroom even though you are being mistreated… you are opening your heart and spirit to trouble, pain, more disrespect and abuse.

Once you stop feeding a stray dog, they stop coming around.

Unless he’s a puppy… have him tested, you don’t know where he’s been.

Don’t handle aggression with aggression.

Compliment good behavior. (good boy)

Understand that men are territorial.

Dogs are territorial.

Puppy love fades – they pant and beg when they don’t get what they want.

If he spends most of his time playing games (i.e. video, play station, sports)…you got a boy…not a man.

If his eyes still roam and he can’t resist flirting with other women or won’t delete the phone numbers from past relationships…he still wants to play…not stay.

Seek respect first.  Love takes time.

Observe family members and friends of your mate because they influence and shape their personality and lifestyle.

Some things dogs do just aren’t cute.  If you are cleaning up after his mess all the time. You don’t have a mature man.  If his pants are drooping like a diaper and he calls his place a “crib”, you’ve got a baby…not a man.

Read more in e-book/PDF format – click here for your copy only $9.99

No, I want to have the book sent to my home.  OK click here to have the book mailed to you $15.99 

Help for a Broken Heart

I’m smart in some areas of my life, but I was in the slow class of learning how to love smart with my heart.  I wasn’t alone in this class.  Many women are smart on their jobs, in college, operating their businesses, juggling schedules to care for children, aging parents, job, class, hair appointments and fitness classes.  But these same women have secretly mourned lost loves, they have; given away love, denied love, shared love, tried to buy love, been betrayed by love, got bankrupted and hurt by love.  Many were on a one-way street of love.  Many ignored the flashing red and yellow lights.  Many put their life on hold for years living with false hopes on holidays and weekends.  My slow learning classmates will tell you they were obsessed or depressed by love.  They will tell you how his “bad boy” risky behavior put her life in danger.  They will tell you how they sacrificed for their man; in prison, in a long distance relationship, the one who promised he “would get it together” or he convinced her was leaving his wife.  They will tell you they were caught by surprise when the romance stopped and mistreatment started. Many will say they chose to live in denial instead of living with truth. They will tell you they stayed in a loveless or abusive marriage.  They will tell you they were martyrs for their children or afraid of being alone so they put their heart on the “for sale” rack or even the “the clearance rack” rather than be alone. They will tell you they put their man on a pedestal and idolize him forsaking God, family and priorities for her self-presevation and peace of mind.  They will tell you took financial hits, emotional hits and physical hits from his hand instead being cherished with his heart.  They will tell you how they betrayed themselves by diminishing and dishonoring their own desires, worth, goals, virtue, time, body, heart and soul.  They will tell you how they suffered in silence as their crown of worthiness fell to the floor.  They will tell you they were not smart with their hearts.  Read “Love Smart with the Heart” in e-book/PDF format only $9.99 click here to order your copy now    If you want the book mailed to you, click here

Extreme Heart Makeover

After a long season of loss, betrayal, bitterness, abuse, divorce or loneliness one’s heart can become either too hard or too fragile, too closed or too open.

I find in my travels, speaking and counseling that far too many women suffer extreme heart issues.  The emotional pendulum swings from one end of extreme hardness or being extremely needy, desperate and naive. There are those extremely independent (“I don’t need any one)…all the way to the other extreme mindset of being too dependent. If you are afraid of being alone or think a relationship validates you and makes you whole, you could have a relationship addiction. Unfortunately I see this all too often.

When your self-esteem is healthy, the emotional pendulum swings in the middle because of healing, balance, prayer and self-awareness.  Open your eyes and see your real worth and beauty in the mirror.  Get balance in your life.   Seek advice help from the wise women in your life.  Pour all that misguided and untapped passion into your goals, purpose and dreams.  Begin to transform your thinking to believe you can take care of yourself.  If you think a man can save you, you are setting yourself up for an unhappy,  abusive and dominating relationship. You can do good all by yourself until the Lord sends the right one baby!

When you both bring something to the table, your chances for harmony, respect, love and common goals are increased.  But if you get into a relationship feeling empty and expect some one to fill your cup, you are giving away all of your power, value and self-worth.

I write in my book, “Follow Your Heart But Take Your Brain With You”  that the scent of a woman is powerful.  Dogs can smell desperation, neediness, immaturity and weakness.  A woman with self-esteem has the aroma of confidence, faith and self-worth.

When your heart is smart you can avoid the pitfalls, problems and pain of living in a chaotic, drama filled, sitting by phone, life on hold and stressful world.

You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.  If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life,” you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Don’t allow other people to control, manipulate or validate your existence. Value your dreams, body, goals, time and peace of mind.  If you don’t… no one else will.  Learn how to discern between lust, like and love.  Learn how to love smart.  Don’t allow your heart to be attacked by abusers and losers.

As you heal your heart of illusions, grudges, fantasies, desperation and bitterness, your opportunities increase to have a righteous relationship.

As the Self-esteem Dr. I have performed many heart makeovers and CPR to help women breathe again.

Read Proverb 23:7 and remember that as a man(woman) thinketh, so is he(she).  This powerful teaching reminds us that  right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves.  If you think in your heart that you are not worthy…not pretty…not loving…not blessed…not qualified…then you will have more that in your life. Begin to speak and think in your heart that you are qualified, beautiful, divine, blessed, grateful, anointed and loved. Wear the sweet aroma of self-esteem, confidence and a daughter of the Most High God. “Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” – Proverbs 4: 23

by Jewel Diamond Taylor, The Self-esteem Dr., Author, Conference Speaker, Women’s Retreat Leader, Life Coach, Founder of Women on the Grow

To contact Jewel or call 323.964.1736

e-mail –  JewelMotivates@gmail.com

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