DON’T GIVE UP
When “depression” really means something else
Have you noticed how the word “love” is often overused for all types of relationships?
The following are words to be more specific in regards to that warm feeling of love…
favor, like, partial, preference, relish, craving, crush, desire, infatuation, longing, lust, yearning, eagerness, enthusiasm, fervor, zeal. appreciation, esteem, estimation, regard, respect, adoration, adulation,
I also believe the word “depressed” is often overused or a person’s emotional state of mind can be misunderstood and misdiagnosed.
I saw a Jeff Foster quote on-line stating, “The word “depressed” is spoken phonetically as “deep rest”. (Stop and say “depressed” out loud.)
WOW…this quote triggered my thoughts about depression. Many times I have quickly labeled myself as depressed when actually I was really feeling spent, exhausted, overwhelmed, and in great need for time to; rest, decompress, unwind, detox my mind, let go, get off the hamster’s wheel, process my anger, grief, and disappointments, cancel some appointments, unplug and fast from social media, delegate some tasks, say “no” to one more request, take a nap, meCation, stayCAtion, or vaCation. When you have gone through some significant life changes i.e. divorce, death in the family, job loss, health issues, caregiving, new job, business owner, new city, marriage, etc…the stress in your body keeps track. If you don’t rest periodically to regoup and renew…you will be forced to stop because of illness, accidents, or anxiety.
I have noticed when I am avoiding conflict, decision-making, resisting change, or in denial about situations I cannot control or change, the default story in my head says, “I am depressed.” No Jewel. Stop Jewel!
There comes a time when I need to rest my mind from; worry, anger, the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts, delays, disappointments, doubts, demands of my time, and the constant streaming of violence and hatred in the news. I need to remind myself to recite the Serenity Prayer.
As a public speaker standing in front of all types of audiences, counselor, life coach, wife, mother, grandmother, founder of my Women on the Grow 501c3 ministry, a prayer warrior, a frequent flyer, a sensitive and empathic person, I must remember that my mind is like an emotional sponge absorbing a lot of mixed energy. Because of my sensory overload … on a regular basis, I need to squeeze out all the stimulation, toxic energy, thoughts, and feelings that are weighing heavy on my mind.
You may be working hard, volunteering, parenting, care giving, traveling a lot, and studying which leads to sleep deprivation. Taking time to re-evaluate your lifestyle choices, habits, pace, relationships, faith, and priorities can be your time of spiritual and emotional renewal.
Before you turn to medication to numb your feelings or shut down and isolate yourself….rethink your choice. What you think is depression could really be an invitation for deep rest, renew, and restore your mind, body, and spirit.
Jewel please send me your e-book to continue reading more of your inspiration. Click to offer donation
Contact info to book speaker or book one-on-one counseling/coaching, call 323.964.1736 or email JewelMotivates@gmail.com
When there is GOOD in GOOD BYE
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It’s hard to realize you got blind-sided, bamboozled, tricked, manipulated, or kicked in your heart by someone you trusted or that someone took your kindness for weakness, that you were ill-prepared to deal with dysfunctional, untrustworthy manipulators, abusers, or didn’t know how to cope with conflict.
Its hard to face the truth that a relationship or job is futile, hopeless, or even dangerous to your emotional, mental, or physical health.
I have come to realize that people are really my life teachers. Most of my growth and hard lessons in self-esteem and finding my voice I learned from my marriage. The past friends that hurt me … I now see as my teachers. My children are my teachers. I had to learn a lot about parenting, boundaries, respect, and self-worth from my own family and friends. Some lessons were hurtful and some helpful.
Believe it or not…all of your relationships are your teachers.
The joy and the pain from your family, friends, co-workers, lovers, marriages, haters, helpers, energy vampires, besties, supporters, business partners, boss, role models, leaders, pastors, mentors, parents, and children are your teachers.
You will either feel hurt, hindered, or helped by them. Hopefully you will learn and grow from them.
Did you learn from your “life teachers” to:
. have boundaries
. build your self-esteem
. speak up and find your voice
. speak a new language, new professional skills
. be more discerning in choosing friends
. have more courage and determination from the people who said “no” to you
. pay more attention to the red flags that are warning signs
. cook, dance, travel, improve your money habits
. ask more questions and be less impulsive when dating
. family traditions, communication, trust issues
. guard your heart from narcissistic, selfish, insecure, abusive, and dysfunctional people?
Do not beat yourself up for getting involved with a narcissist, manipulator, abusor, untrustworthy, or immature person. Wake up from the denial and gaslighting that made you think you were crazy, unworthy, stupid, unlovable, invisible, or damaged goods.
When you have been told you are no good or when you have felt invisible, incompetent, and insignificant, it is like being hypnotized and put under a spell.
Yes, I know it’s hard to break the spell…but it’s possible. Yes, I know it’s difficult to admit you got caught and feel trapped in a painful relationship walking on eggshells. Your mind wants to protect you from feeling pain, so your mind will resist the truth. You will be stubborn at first to see and hear the truth because your mind doesn’t want to feel the pain of acceptance, surrender, being vulnerable, or separation.
Emotional freedom comes when you have the courage to face the truth or you finally say, “I’ve had enough. I deserve better. I am worthy of love, peace, and safety.”
Because of your kind heart, a strong desire for belonging, the fear of leaving or living alone, or lack of positive coping life skills, you may find it difficult to say good bye. You may find yourself being in the role of a servant and slave to your abuser’s desires, demands, and emotional roller coaster rides. You may be unconsciously trying to prove your worth or prove your love. You may have expectations that don’t line up with your reality. You may have invested so much time, effort, money, sacrifice, and prayer into your toxic relationship that you feel like a loser or a failure if you say good-bye. Once you hit that wall of truth that your efforts are futile, be very careful of your self-talk that can be abusive. Don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself credit for the courage to face the truth and protect your soul, mind, body, money, well-being, and self-respect.
Once you stop screaming in silence or numbing yourself with busyness, bargaining, illusions/fantasy, food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sleeping, or isolation…you can begin to see and feel the reality of your situationship. Feel it, deal with it, and begin to heal.
You, alone, hold the key to your emotional and physical freedom. There is some good in good-bye. You are not giving up … you are letting go so you can grow. Pray for the strength, guidance, and courage to fight for the good and God in you. Seek support to keep you on track to move towards your freedom. Remember if that relationship or job is costing you your peace, it is too expensive.
Emotional freedom to strengthen your voice, self-worth, and and self-respect is a process that promises to help you live in more peace.
Learn from your painful teachers that you don’t have to remain in their class. You can pick up the broken pieces of your life and breath. You can learn not to repeat the same class in future relationships. You can learn that you are a child of God worthy of love, peace, safety, respect, and kindness.
I am available to be one of your life teachers. I am the Self-esteem Dr. Jewel Diamond Taylor, author, conference speaker, life coach, wife, mother, sister, grandmother, minister of God’s love and founder of Women on the Grow, Inc.
Jewel please send me your e-book to continue reading more of your inspiration. Click to offer donation
Contact info to book speaker or book one-on-one counseling/coaching, call 323.964.1736 or email JewelMotivates@gmail.com
What to do when SHIFT happens
The following is an excerpt from Jewel Diamond Taylor’s book “ShiFt Happens”
Life can be a journey or a “trip” — Are you going to be a whiner or a winner in life? An African proverb teaches, “It rains on everyone’s roof.”
The same thing can happen to two different people and they respond differently. One person can receive troubling news about their health and feel bitter, afraid, and believe life is unfair. Another one could receive the same diagnosis and feel hopeful and motivated to change their food choices and let go of any stressors in their life. One can be pessimistic and the other optimistic. One can live in fear and the other in faith. One can feel like a victim and the other can feel victorious because of their thinking, actions, surroundings, and prayer life. One could drown in their tears and fears and other could drop their long and strong anchor of faith.
It’s not always the shift situation that causes unhappiness. It’s your thoughts about it.
You may feel tired…get inspired !
Instead of thinking you are being punished…change your perspective to realize you are being PUSHED to deepen your faith, courage, resiliency, compassion, and coping skills.
Get equipped so you can’t be whipped by stress.
Your shiFt could be a troubling marriage, parenting, seeking employment, illness, layoff, unexpected debt, looking for housing, slow business sales, a car accident, or suddenly you find yourself care giving for an aging parent. Seasons of shifting, shaking, and storming may last for a long or a short time. Your anchor of faith must be strong and long to endure your storm. Suggested scripture Psalm 46:1-3
You must be focused and yet know how to adapt to change and unexpected circumstances.
SHIFT happens! Changes will happen without your permission. In spite of a good plan and good intentions, you will need to know how to adjust, adapt, and regroup.
Don’t quit because you’re alone.
Don’t quit because it’s tough.
Don’t quit because you’re out of your comfort zone.
Don’t quit because you’re mad.
Don’t quit because you’re sad.
Don’t quit because no one seems to help or care.
Don’t quit because it’s taking so long.
Don’t quit because you see no reward.
Don’t quit because you think it’s too late.
Don’t quit…stick with it.
Speak victory into your life.
Speak success into your life.
Speak determination into your life.
Speak love into your life.
Speak strength and courage into your life.
This post is an excerpt from Jewel Diamond Taylor’s e-book and audio book CD. To continue being inspired to overcome the SHIFT in your life, send your donation to Jewel’s Women on the Grow, Inc. 501c3 ministry click here.
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7 Tips – How to Self-Care Without Apology
Self-Care Pearls of Wisdom from
Jewel Diamond Taylor
1. Remember “No” is a complete sentence. Teach others how to respect your personal boundaries. Guard your heart and peace of mind. If your next decision or a request of your time, body, money, skills, or trust will take away from your peace mind…the cost is too expensive.
2. Taking care of yourself is not selfish or a luxury, it is necessary for your emotional and mental health. Honor your emotions and don’t deny or suppress them. Take a deep breath and assess your body, environment, and emotional triggers. Sometimes I just simply sit in my car for an hour in a safe parking lot or even my driveway to exhale, have a good cry, get my praise on, listen to music, pray, get still, decompress, or listen to an audio book or watch a video. I even listen to my own inspirational CDs!
Give yourself permission to push the “pause” button. If necessary, don’t answer every phone call, delegate duties, take a nap, stop talking, or go on a fast. If you keep giving away pieces of yourself … there will soon be nothing left of you. You always make sure your mobile phone is charged … do the same for your mind, body, and spirit. Recharge your soul.
Self-care is critical for those who are caregivers for family members with special needs or aging parents. The isolation and stress can affect your health. Seek help and carve out some time to exhale and take care of your health before you crash with exhaustion, resentment, faith fatigue, or illness.
3. You cannot help others from an empty cup. Take care of yourself with good rest, boundaries, hobbies, water, nutritious food, some form of regular body movement (e.g. walking, stretching, gym, water aerobics) and remember to take a MeCation, StayCation, Vacation or retreat.
4. Strengthen your self-esteem and guard your heart, time, goals, money, lifestyle, and peace of mind. No more people pleasing. Be alert to manipulators, toxic, selfish, abusive, needy people, and boundary bullies.
5. If you are always the go-to person and the giver, learn how to receive. Delegate and learn how to ask for what you want or need. Yes, I know how being a parent or always the one who helps friends and family in a crisis can become your identity and your norm. Be careful of those who take advantage because you are the “rescuer” or their personal ATM. Let go and teach others how to develop their own coping skills, responsibility, and faith in God.
6. Gain coping skills, resiliency, faith, and self-determination to recover from setbacks, loss/grief, abuse, divorce, the empty next, surgery, loneliness, or illness. Losing both my parents, in-laws, friends, and my 38 year old son to cancer taught me that grief has no clock. It’s important for your emotional health to give yourself the gift of good friends, time and space to heal, and coping skills so you are equipped and not whipped by those overwhelming feelings of grief and depression.
7. Improve your inner-self talk. Think, speak, and act as an overcomer and not a victim. “God is within her and she will not fail.” Psalm 46:5
For one-on-one coaching/counseling with Jewel Diamond Taylor aka The Self-esteem Dr. and the EmpowHERment Coach, call 323.964.1736, or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Live out loud
So I have shared this quick story from many podiums as a guest speaker. I want to share it with you now…
One day a passenger in the back seat of a taxi kept asking his taxi driver questions. His taxi driver kept jumping and looking startled every time his passenger asked him a question.
Finally, the passenger asked his driver, “Why are you so nervous?” The driver replied, “This is my first day as a taxi driver. For many years I drove a hearse car for funerals.. I’m not used to hearing voices in my car. I’m used to carrying around dead people.”
Unfortunately, there are too many people who are used to carrying “dead” things around (e.g. dead dreams, dead hope, dead faith, dead imagination, old hurts, old habits, old beliefs, relationships, etc.). When they are offered a new opportunity, a new experience, a new relationship, a new idea, or a new way of living and thinking…it scares them. They have become accustomed to living a limited and joyless life.
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I want to encourage someone today to start living with more gratitude, courage, curiosity, creativity, adventure, and grow out of any state of isolation, misery, and old stinkin’ thinkin’. Wake up, get up, try something new, go someplace new, break your routine, add some color, laughter, nature, and beauty into your day. Avoid people whose hope, joy, love, kindness, and imagination has died. You are STILL ALIVE. Live your life more fully.
Your life is NOT shaped by your circumstances. Your life is shaped by the decisions you make each day. Create some new habits and new experiences. Read Psalm 90:12 (Lord teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.) ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor
To invite Jewel Diamond Taylor to speak for your conference, church, retreat, or campus, call 323.964.1736 or email JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Isolation and being alone can be addicting
“Loneliness and isolation are dangerous. They can be addicting. Once you get used to how peaceful it is, you can begin to dread and avoid dealing with people anymore. When you get upset, it is a set up for depression and isolation. I have had to pray and encourage myself many times out of the cave of depression, grief, isolation, and disappointments from other people’s treatment and loss of my son.
Active fellowship and positive communication are keys to your mental and emotional health. Living and serving in my purpose has been so helpful in pulling me out of my cave.
Even though you may have been hurt and lost trust in people, experienced loss (e.g. death, job, or divorce), or simply tired from the drama some people bring… do not fall into the pit of isolation. Your past implicit memories can trigger you around certain people or environments to have anxiety or isolate.
Believe that there are still good people who can enrich your life. And believe there are people who will benefit from knowing you. Begin to believe in new beginnings, new opportunities, and new possibilities.
To seek help and support is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
It is not good for your emotional, spiritual or mental health to be alone.
Pray for discernment and the courage to trust again, and create love and social connections into your life.”
by Jewel Diamond Taylor, conference speaker, author, life coach, and emotional wellness educator
3 Things That Can Really Mess Your Life Up
I’m constantly growing every day and so thankful to learn what emotional traps to overcome, avoid, and let go of in order to have peace of mind.
I think we can burn up too many “emotional and mental calories” thinking and thinking and thinking (rumination) about these 3 emotional mindsets that can really mess up our day and ultimately our life.
We can burn up “emotional and mental calories” when our thoughts think about the future with worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety. Our thoughts can focus on the present with emotions of resentment, anger, fear, doubt, impatience, or indifference. Our thoughts can turn back to the past. That is the direction I’m focusing on today…the past. Why? Once I learned the origin of the word “regret” is from the French language which means “dead”…I realized I was spending too much energy and time revisiting things that were dead, gone, passed, never to return. I needed to learn how to “fast” from the diet of the past and burn my energy calories by enjoying the present and being more forward thinking to better prepare for my future.
There is no rewind or recalibrate button that we can push to change our past. When we spend too much energy and time about our past choices, circumstances, and consequences…we are “shoulding” on ourselves,. (e.g. I should have left that relationship, job, town, marriage, etc….I should have spoken up…I should have invested or saved more wisely…. I should have stepped up and taken action… I should have been honest about my feelings…I should have started that project…I should have never said that….I should have never done that.” I should have _____________You fill in the blank.
I believe there are 3 mindsets that can eat up our time, steal our confidence, blind us to see new possibilities, paralyze us, shame us, keep us in bondage, and create more anxiety, stress, self-loathing, depression and war within ourselves.
The first one ….The regret of what I DID…(e.g. lied, cheated, quit, procrastinated, abused my body with alcohol, food, or drugs, shopped too much, misjudged a person, impulsive sex or marriage too soon, wasted time on minor things, terminated a pregnancy, gave into peer pressure, left a marriage, job or friendship too soon, missed an opportunity because of not being prepared or on time, acts of selfishness, took my health, time, people, and blessings for granted, sought revenge, held onto grudges, broke trust, broke laws, broke hearts, broke promises, misguided anger and frustrations towards the wrong people, etc.)
The second …The regret of what I DIDN’T do…(e.g. finish college, good investments, didn’t spend enough time with family and friends, didn’t ask for help, didn’t travel, missed opportunities, didn’t get out of a dead-end relationship or job, didn’t speak up, didn’t ask for what I wanted, didn’t say, “I’m sorry”, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t go to the meeting, the party, class, immaturity and poor choices in my parenting ability, didn’t take leaps of faith, didn’t listen to my intuition, didn’t acknowledge my spiritual calling or purpose, etc.)
The third…The regret of not being able to fix or help someone When you can’t help a friend or family member who is sick, dying, addicted, in prison, suicidal, mentally ill, physically challenged, homeless, etc… you may feel helpless and regret not being able to be present/available/compassionate, financially helpful, the problem solver and fixer.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart… the spirit is crushed.
~ Proverbs 15:13
written by Jewel Diamond Taylor, Conference Keynote Speaker, Author, Life Coach, Leadership Workshop facilitator, Resiliency Educator, Emotional Wellness Educator, call 323.964.1736
email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
Here is a suggested web page to learn HOW TO STOP ruminating about your regrets and move forward in more healthier, positive, and productive ways. https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Regretting-Your-Decisions
Jewel’s Audio Podcasts
Who is Jewel Diamond Taylor?
Emmy award recipient Jewel Diamond Taylor, aka “The Self-esteem Dr.”, a native of Washington D. C., is an authentic, highly acclaimed, witty, knowledgeable, in-demand, and international conference speaker, author, life coach, talk therapy practitioner, faith leader, retreat facilitator, founder of Women on the Grow, Inc, 501c3, and advocate for women based in Southern California with her family (husband, son, grandson, and host of relatives).
Taylor, aka “The Self-esteem Dr.” is a (social worker) “beyond the walls” empowering, inspiring, teaching, counseling, and mentoring women on how to:
. self-regulate and recharge their energy and thinking to release mental and emotional strongholds
. breakthrough their past limiting beliefs, trauma, and low self-esteem
. how to spiritually renew their minds and soul to recover their peace, faith, and joy
. develop emotional wellness to heal from past “hurt attacks”
. close the generational gaps to connect with other women, resources, mentoring, entrepreneurs, and difference-makers
. grow to be brave, healthy, connected, and feel worthy to live an abundant life
Taylor’s audiences and clients receive extraordinary learning experiences to; maximize their abilities and gifts, refuel their dreams and goals, minimize distractions, regulate their roller-coaster emotions, heal their wounded heart, activate better health practices, and bulletproof their faith, self-esteem, aspirations, and inner peace.
Taylor is the founder of Women On The Grow, Inc., 501c3 which offers outreach, experiences, life skills, mentoring, resources, and connections for women experiencing; hardship, divorce, grief, breast cancer, domestic abuse, depression from adverse childhood experiences, single parenting, homelessness, unemployment, parenting, and marriage challenges.
Jewel inspires others by building a bridge of understanding and application between psychology and theology, self-care and emotional/mental wellness, and a bridge between overcoming stress and achieving success. Every Sunday at 3:00 PM (Pacific) Jewel has been curating a faith-building message of; hope, refreshment for the soul, connections, personal development insights, and coping skills to help others to endure and survive this historic pandemic in her signature zoom room called The Diamond INNERversity.
Jewel has been an inspirational speaker in Jamaica, the Bahamas, Turks and Caicos, Cancun, the Virgin Islands, Brazil, St. Kitts, South Africa, the U. K., and 35 of 50 United States.
To book this transformational speaker, ask questions, or schedule a one-on-one coaching/counseling meeting call 323.964.1736 or email – JewelMotivates@gmail.com
To inquire about availability for your conference, campus, retreat or church click here
jeweldiamondtaylor.com 