As a Life Coach for women I have seen a pattern of common wounds because of distractions, dependencies, denial, deception, drama, family dysfunction, and a lack of emotional boundaries and distorted beliefs.
I’m passionate and concerned about women being empowered to improve their relationships I.Q. because I was vulnerable, naive, desperate and unprepared to be married or to even understand myself or men.
I find that many women suffer from; fantasies, unrealistic expectations, the inability to read the warning signals, misinterpreting the intentions of the men they give their time, body, secrets, soul, money, peace of mind and future to, having low self-esteem not knowing their worth and the inability to move on after divorce and betrayal.
I think too often we suffer from the “myth-stakes” of believing in the cinderella fantasies, media, and the mindset of “if only …” i.e. “I would be happier if only… I was married, if only we had more money, if only we had children, if only we have a bigger house, if only I could lose weight, if only he was more romantic, if only my childhood wasn’t so bad, if only he had a role model to show him how to treat me, if only his family would leave us alone, if only things were different.”
In my Self-esteem Dr. Life Coaching one-on-one sessions, retreats, books and conferences I strive to empower women in all walks of life that;
Marriage is ministry (Each one comes to the relationship with emotional baggage that needs unpacking. Are you willing to help each other unpack and minister to each other’s childhood wounds and past relationship wounds/expectations?)
Falling in love is a temporary high (growing in love, respect, trust, forgiveness, humor, goals, values, collaboration and peace comes with time, prayer and communication)
Don’t make permanent decisions about a temporary circumstance (I wanted to give up on my 42 year marriage many times until I learned to; become emotionally smart, work on healing my own issues, break the spells, choose my battles, resist habits of shutting down, escaping or blaming, respect our differences, nurture my self-esteem, get a life by enjoying and pursuing my purpose/ministry and honor my covenant to work through our differences and issues. P.S. It was worth it.)
Break the relationship spell. The myth of a man; saving us, being perfect, rescuing us, being our Daddy, being our forever date, always be romantic and sensitive, totally free from his past habits, hurts and ex’s, being able to always provide, understand or protect us is a spell of illusion and false hope to leads to infidelity, abuse, depression, fighting and divorce court.
No man can ever give you your self-worth or crown. But if you don’t guard your heart, plenty of men can rob you of it. A Queen does not shrink to fit. She is able live with confidence as God guides her to fight the dragons, increase her territory and use her power to practice wisdom and compassion towards those in her life.
I’m smart in some areas of my life, but I was in the slow class of learning how to love smart with my heart. I wasn’t alone in this class. Many women are smart on their jobs, in college, operating their businesses, juggling schedules to care for children, aging parents, job, class, hair appointments and fitness classes. But these same women have secretly mourned lost loves, they have; given away love, denied love, shared love, tried to buy love, been betrayed by love, got bankrupted and hurt by love. They will tell you how they settled instead of believing they deserved more. Many were on a one-way street of love. Many ignored the flashing red and yellow lights. Many put their life on hold for years living with false hopes on holidays and weekends. My slow learning classmates will tell you they were obsessed or depressed by love. They will tell you how his “bad boy” risky behavior put her life in danger. They will tell you how they sacrificed for their man; in prison, in a long distance relationship, the one who promised he “would get it together” or he convinced her was leaving his wife. They will tell you they were caught by surprise when the romance stopped and mistreatment started. Many will say they chose to live in denial instead of living with truth. They will tell you they stayed in a loveless or abusive marriage. They will tell you they were martyrs for their children or afraid of being alone so they put their heart on the “for sale” rack or even the “the clearance rack” rather than be alone. They will tell you they put their man on a pedestal and idolize him forsaking God, family and the priorities for her self-presevation and peace of mind. They will tell you they took financial hits, emotional hits and physical hits from his hand instead being cherished with his heart. They will tell you how they betrayed themselves by diminishing and dishonoring their own desires, worth, goals, virtue, time, body, heart and soul. They will tell you how they suffered in silence as their crown of worthiness fell to the floor. They will tell you they were not smart with their hearts.
I teach more about this topic in my e-book “Love Smart with Your Heart: Desperation is a Terrible Perfume to Wear.” Click here to receive your copy to download and read often on your computer or tablet (PDF format)